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Thread: Who do you confide in? Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
03-10-2014 07:44 PM
nktigger99
Quote:

My advice to anyone who is struggling with this question, is for that person to spend 5 evenings a week at a different social type of deal. An example would be a religious class on Monday, Dog class on Tuesday, Some type of physical exercise class or club on Wednesday, Taking a college course on Thursday (or maybe 2 nights a week), and then going out with some work buddies on Friday. Do this for some time. Go out after class for a burger or a donut, whatever. Talk to people. Give them a little piece of yourself, and see how they deal with it. Be a sounding board for them, and try not to be judgemental, and keep their confidences. Expect to have people come and go in relationships, and do not put too much on any one. Find people who are interested in the things that you are interested in, and build on it.
.
I wish I could do this but with 4 small kiddos it just doesn't work. I would love to make some real friends outside of my husband.


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03-10-2014 07:44 PM
jafo220 Sent from Petguide.com Free App

Depends on what it is I need to confide about. It all depends on that. Personal stuff would be family, work stuff would be with a coworker ect.
03-10-2014 07:38 PM
Syaoransbear I don't like confiding in anyone, I'll just rant to strangers on the internet because I know they can't do anything and they won't meddle. Most of the time all I really want to do is spill it out and have people just acknowledage it and say "that sucks" so I feel that it's okay to have those emotions about the situation. All I really want to know is that it's okay to feel crappy. I don't really want to have a conversation about it nor do I want a bunch of how-to-fix-it answers. If I'm ranting about it on the internet, I've probably already thought up all the ways to fix it and decided they weren't ideal for my situation/personality for whatever reason.

Sometimes I confide in my husband but he is a rock. He is so very, very rarely upset or bothered by anything so he doesn't really understand when I get upset over minor things.

Like on thursday which was an atrociously busy day and I had worked 6am-5pm and my parents invited us for supper. I thought "Great, free supper and neither of us have to cook." I had planned on having supper, having a little chit chat, then leaving because I worked another 11 hour shift the next day and I still needed to get my pills from the pharmacy, have a shower, then try to get some rest because I was working 11 hour shifts all that week and was just completely exhausted. My job is extremely physical.

Well my husband and my dad ended up drinking the evening away and watching hockey. I kept asking my husband if we could leave but he kept saying stuff like "After this drink" or "there's only 10 minutes left in the game" which doesn't mean we can leave in 10 minutes, it could mean like an hour later . We ended up leaving at friggin' 9pm, I was so angry and tired. I rushed to the pharmacy to get my pills, came home, had a shower, then went to sleep. Chrono didn't get walked and I didn't even get to see my birds except when I clicked the light on for them in the morning then again at night.

On the way home I chewed him out. He only works 7 and half hours a day at an office job where they aren't busy at all and he spends most of his time on the internet. I have a warehouse job and that week I was working 11 hour shifts, I NEEDED my sleep because of my poor immune system. He can survive on 4 hours of sleep a day and it doesn't bother him, so he didn't understand why it was so important to get home early until I properly explained it all to him the next morning. Then he really understood when he had to pick me up from work halfway through my shift because, guess what, I caught bronchitis. Only now does he understand how important it is for me to come home and rest. Because now he has bronchitis too, lol.
03-10-2014 07:24 PM
onyx'girl
Quote:
Originally Posted by lennyb View Post
Sadly no one. We have a large family so my wife is usually as strung out as I am. So why should I bother her with more stuff she don't need to worry about. I have no family and very few close friends. BUT I have the unconditional love of my two GSD's and some how ( havent figured it out yet ) they always know how to lighten my mood. But all in all its a good life and wouldn't have it any other way.
This is one reason the fb page I started works ok. It helps when you can vent, and also the people on the page for the most part are great with support and good advice. Some of us know each other in real life, but most of the members are associated thru fb/dogs/old HS friends that aren't really day to day involved in each others lives.
I seldom need to confide or vent...my life is pretty good, and I use the power of prayer and my faith to help me get thru the rough patches. But it is nice to let it out to others without judgement when necessary.
03-10-2014 07:18 PM
lennyb Sadly no one. We have a large family so my wife is usually as strung out as I am. So why should I bother her with more stuff she don't need to worry about. I have no family and very few close friends. BUT I have the unconditional love of my two GSD's and some how ( havent figured it out yet ) they always know how to lighten my mood. But all in all its a good life and wouldn't have it any other way.
03-10-2014 07:11 PM
mego
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilie View Post
I don't normally 'vent' to my husband. He's old school and wants to fix things. When I'm venting, I'm not asking him to fix them. And when he tries to fix it, he takes the emotion out of it. Whereas I'm not an over emotional person, when I'm venting it's because I became emotionally involved in a situation. Listening to him make sense after I've vented makes me even madder!!!
.
OMG THIS.
I dont know how many times I have gotten 10 times more angry because I get all the "why don't you fix it" answers lol. I just want to rant!!
03-10-2014 07:09 PM
selzer Like everyone, I have a complicated life. For this reason, I have friends and family members that I confide in. But I do not confide in all of them about everything. For example, my family will get sick of my dog-stuff way too quickly. And other friends are only open to discuss some topics, some I have not grown enough trust to confide the most personal stuff with.

Relationships are hard, even friendships. Family are pretty much stuck with you and you are stuck with them. They can still be good people to confide in, or not so good, and it really depends on who they are as individuals. Friends are the same in that, you almost have to gage each friend, and make a judgement, usually based on what they are willing to confide in you, and in how they have treated lesser information that you have confided over time.

The anonymity of the internet makes for a kind of shortcut to having meaningful relationships, but there really are no shortcuts. People can meet on the internet and have a cyber relationship through PM, e-mail, facebook, whatever. And I suppose face to face meetings aren't 100% necessary, but the ability to shut the computer off, and change your e-mail address makes cyber relationships less risky, and therefore, in some ways, they really cannot take the place of true friendships.

If you are an introvert like me, I find it best to have a couple very close friends that I can then confide in about a variety of things, but a different variety for each friend. I have a few friends that have been friends for over 20 years and have seen me through some difficult patches. My family, work, church-home, dogs among other stuff, are all things that are such a part of me, that I cannot keep these things from my closest friends, but I may mention my dogs with one, while with another, I may talk quite a bit about them -- that one I might not spend as much time talking about family.

I have other friends that I have not had for as long that I can talk at more length to about some stuff and not about other stuff.

And while these are relationships, meaning I confide and they confide. I am also finding that some people will confide anything to anybody, but are not safe to confide in. Some people I can be a sounding board to, and do not have to reciprocate those things that hit the core of my being, because those people are too into their own issues right now to be open and safe for other people's issues. And I suppose that some people feel or have felt the same way with respect to me over the years.

My advice to anyone who is struggling with this question, is for that person to spend 5 evenings a week at a different social type of deal. An example would be a religious class on Monday, Dog class on Tuesday, Some type of physical exercise class or club on Wednesday, Taking a college course on Thursday (or maybe 2 nights a week), and then going out with some work buddies on Friday. Do this for some time. Go out after class for a burger or a donut, whatever. Talk to people. Give them a little piece of yourself, and see how they deal with it. Be a sounding board for them, and try not to be judgemental, and keep their confidences. Expect to have people come and go in relationships, and do not put too much on any one. Find people who are interested in the things that you are interested in, and build on it.

Good friends are found at work, through hobbies, through religious places of worship, in school. You almost have to have a bases to start on, and to build on. You have to give it time. You don't have to be perfect. In fact apologizing for missing a commitment will usually be just as good as having fulfilled it. But without putting the time and effort into a relationship, they are all going to be shallow, and unsafe in that, you will not be able to confide the really important stuff, and if you do, likely the results will not be very good.
03-10-2014 06:58 PM
Nigel
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilie View Post
I don't normally 'vent' to my husband. He's old school and wants to fix things. When I'm venting, I'm not asking him to fix them. And when he tries to fix it, he takes the emotion out of it. Whereas I'm not an over emotional person, when I'm venting it's because I became emotionally involved in a situation. Listening to him make sense after I've vented makes me even madder!!!

I mostly vent to friends on FB on 'secret' pages or email them. You can vent, and then make fun of yourself. Nobody judges you and they vent back. Sometimes it helps you to see how silly the entire thing really was.

I talk to my oldest sister alot. She lives in another state and I don't see her often. She's an ER nurse, so she's seen/heard everything. She laughs easily, so I when I find myself making her laugh it seems to ease my soul.
Makes my wife madder too, took me a while to figure that out! Now it's just shut up sympathize and listen, lol!
03-10-2014 06:52 PM
mego My dad, my boyfriend, and if it's something dog related one or two friends online with dogs.
03-10-2014 06:41 PM
Rinegunner I usually keep my problems to myself. If its a problem I need to vent about I usually go to my wife. Unfortunately we have been having problems lately so I really talk to no one about it. If I need to I talk to my dog. January listens and doesn't judge. Sometimes just saying things out loud puts a different perspective on things.
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