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  Topic Review (Newest First)
01-14-2014 10:59 AM
Oisin's Aoire Don't let your kids around the dog. Period. If you think you do not get along now , wait until there is a bite , even a minor one. It will somehow be your kid's fault too , believe me.

People who see no wrong in their dog/child/spouse whatever can't be corrected or reasoned with usually.

I would simply state that you will not allow a dog that is growling at your kids to be near them , end of story. Add to that statement " my dog is good with kids and my kids are good with dogs and I would like to keep it that way ".

Sorry you are dealing with this , strife in family especially when their is already tension is a very stressful thing to deal with.
01-13-2014 05:53 PM
Originally Posted by OUbrat79 View Post
Ok this is a partial vent partial question. My sister-in-law has a chocolate lab. This dog is considered to be the "perfect dog." I am always hearing about all the great things Dixie can do and how well behaved she is. Today we are having a birthday party for my 2 year old Rayne. When we walked through the door of my mother-in-law's house Dixie started barking and growling. My sister-in-law told her to hush, which didn't work, and told my kids to pet her so she would stop. When she kept growling my SIL went and got one of her toys and gave it to her. She then my kids not to try and take it cause Dixie might bight them.

I am no expert on dogs, but I have dealt with them for way longer than my SIL. This is the 1st dog she has owned that I know of. She uses a shock collar set way to high, the theory is if you show the dog it hurts then the dog will behave to avoid it. Today she had a prong collar on very loosely around the base of the dogs neck. It is driving me nuts watching all the things she is doing wrong with this dog. She is convinced my boy Ammo is not trained as well as her dog and I don't know as much because Ammo is not cat friendly and her dog is. Her dog was raised with her cats, Ammo has never been around cats.

How do I deal with her dog growling at my kids. My SIL rewards the dog when she growls, with toys or petting. I am very worried that her dog will snap at my daughter and hurt her. I really want to be snotty but I can not, remember she is someone I have to deal with for a very long time. I can tell my older 2 kids to leave Dixie alone but my 2 year old thinks ever dog is like her Ammo. Should I just start bringing Ammo with us so Rayne has a dog to play with that won't bite her? Should I keep Ammo away so he won't attack Dixie for threatening his kids? Should I just ignore Dixie and let her owner deal with it? If it was your kids what would you do?

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I guess I don't understand just "how much" your kids are going to have to interact with this dog Dixie.

I can guarentee you, that if my brother had a dog that growled at my kids, my kids wouldn't be within 20 miles of this dog Dixie. It's that simple. I would tell him to control his dog, that I feel my kids are threatened by his dog and that my kids will no longer interact with his dog. My kids come before anything else. I also don't want one of my kids being nipped or bit by a dog causing them to be affraid of dogs. I wouldn't want to fracture the relationship and trust my kids have with thier own dog.

It's that simple.
01-13-2014 05:45 PM
selzer I wouldn't let my kids pet a growling dog, if I had any kids.

I do understand why you do not want to break ties with the family though. The best thing to do is to divorce yourself from them. This means you completely give up all your expectations for them, but you don't stop coming and bringing your kids. If the younger one says you should hold your kid back in school or pushes you to put them in early, or discipline them for something stupid, or anything else, you just say, "really, I'll look into that" and totally give it not another thought.

It is our expectations for people, specifically their behavior toward us, that gets us into trouble. If we do not have expectations that people will act normal, or nicely toward us, or reasonably toward our children we will not take it personally when they don't. Ah, that's Uncle Louis. It lets the dookie roll off, because they are not family anymore. They are just people that happen to be there, and what they say, and what do no longer matters anymore than what strangers say on the internet. You would not let a stranger have your children pet their growling dog. Not on your life.

A funny thing is, that sometimes, after we stop reacting to inappropriate behavior of family members, after we divorce ourselves from them, and drop our expectations, sometimes everything gets a little more relaxed, and sometimes, behavior improves.

Divorcing yourself from family members does not mean you don't protect your children from what they say or how they act around them, you just do it as if they were the guy down the street, not like they are someone whose opinion you care about. Sometimes that means, telling your kids before hand, "Uncle Louis is going to be there, and he's says a lot of things that we don't listen to." and afterward, if he was particularly horrible, talk about it to your kid. Or if he starts, tell him point blank, "Leave the kid alone, or we are leaving right now." But you don't take it personally. You don't expect him to act like a human being. You just have an evacuation plan if needed.
01-13-2014 04:50 PM
Kayos and Havoc I think I would have to put my foot down. The growling dog is put in another room or crate and not allowed access to your kids.

Not a bad idea to have your hubby deal with it, it is his family.
01-13-2014 01:56 PM
Baillif As far as bark collars go (assuming that's what it was) then highest setting is fine, for the reasons she basically stated. You start low on a bark collar and the dog runs a pretty good chance of just getting accustomed to it and powering through it.

Prong collars that are hanging a bit loose or low on the neck are also fine as long as they are being used correctly. It isn't really a big deal either way.

As for the other stuff...well that's just crap, but hey if shes happy with the dog shes happy with the dog.
01-13-2014 01:44 PM
stmcfred Right there is where I'd speak my mind. I'd say NO, my kids are not going to pet a growling dog. Either the dog gets put away or I'm leaving.

Originally Posted by OUbrat79 View Post
The advice given to my kids was to pet her, while she growled, to calm her down.

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01-13-2014 01:25 PM
OUbrat79 I don't want to disconnect with her or my husband's other sister. For as much grief as I get from them they love my kids very much. The dog problem is very annoying and I will be more outspoken about it.

My kids have already lost a lot of family on my side of the family. I would really hate for them to lose my husband's family too. From all the things that has happen with my side of the family I have refined a very distinct set of skills called "Not caring what they think of me." I simply can't take my kids family away from them, and that is what would happen. With the exception of my mom, my husband's family is the only family left.
01-13-2014 01:09 PM
Originally Posted by OUbrat79 View Post
She is the baby of the family, and can do no wrong. My husband, her brother, is the middle child and the black sheep of the family. I am the unwanted family member. They are all nice to me but it is clear by both sisters that I am not well liked. On more than one occasion the little sister (the one with the dog) has reprimanded me on my parenting, she has no children.

I firmly believe that if I keep my mouth shut karma will eventually bite her in the you know what. I have told my older 2 to never ever pet a dog that is growling no matter who says it's ok. From now on when the dog is there and growling I will have my children far away from her.

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This does not get better. I was treated like this for years. These people are no longer allowed in my home and I don't participate in any holiday activity. My husband was sick of it all as well and he doesn't either. So much more peaceful!

Karma hasn't come back to bite them yet. Well...maybe his mother. The grandkids (all 4 of them) have very little to do with her.
01-13-2014 01:01 PM
Originally Posted by G-burg View Post
And you want to be a part of this? Honestly? Let alone your kids?
This is what I was thinking.

If his family doesn't like you then why keep trying? Who wants to be around negativity?

If a dog growled at my kids and I felt that he could/would bite them then my kids would never be around that dog again. I am the kind of person that tells it like it is, I would let my SIL know that she doesn't know how to properly use dog training equipment nor does she know how to properly train a dog. I would also let her know that her dog is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

If she doesn't like you and you don't really like her and your kids being around her dog is dangerous then who cares what she thinks/says, tell her she's in the wrong!
01-13-2014 12:48 PM
Blanketback I'm the one in my family that always has to bring her dog along, so I can relate. But I feel terrible seeing her side of it, because wow, what a nutter! Yikes! I'm glad she was finally able to crate her dog and keep your children safe, and I really hope she keeps that up! Otherwise, I'd just stay away. Go pet the growling dog?! Worst advice ever. Poor you to have to put up with her.
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