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Thread: Why can't people mind their own business? Reply to Thread
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Topic Review (Newest First)
12-29-2013 03:10 PM
Betty I grew up in a time where I think the prevailing philosophy was still children should be seen and not heard. Luckily for us my parents were not on board on that and things that effected the family was discussed among the family.

I think the only time my dad really regretted that was when my youngest brother picked the harp as the musical instrument he wanted to learn. ROFL Poor dad did a lot of bribery to get him to change to a trumpet or something. Before you judge dad too harshly this was in the days that girls took home ec and boys took shop and never did the twain meet.

I also remember my mom doing a lot of convincing on me that pink was really the deep dark red paint I had picked out for my bedroom. "pink is ight red" I can still hear her saying with a note of panic in her voice.

Think we settled for her red on the walls and mine for the drapes and bedspread.
12-29-2013 03:08 PM
Mac's Mom
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky2200 View Post
At the family Christmas party my mom was talking to her sisters about our animals and of course they had to voice their opinions about how we shouldn't get more animals. My mom said "I'm not getting more birds or fish" (she doesn't like them, they are mine). Her sisters replied with "And no more dogs!" My mom continued to tell them that when she finishes school (she is going back) and gets a job, she will get another dog. They went on to tell her how crazy she is and four dogs (what we have now) is way too many.

I just really can never understand their need to tell my mom, and me, how to lead our lives. If we want to use all of our money on our animals, what is it to them? I just cant wrap my mind around it.
I know how you feel and I cannot wrap my head around it either. For me personally my dogs & cats are my children. I understand some people cannot grasp that or think its stupid. Oh well. But when they start busting out their opinions, judgments & unsolicited advice I start to get annoyed & sometimes offended. Its none of their business.
12-29-2013 01:49 PM
ozzymama Families always think they need to have opinions on how others live their lives... I have learned to say, "Do you pay my bills? No, then it is none of your bloody business". I don't get much discussed about my life anymore. That and people are usually afraid of the way I will respond, it is nothing for me to say to someone, "Are you (insert choice of nasty words) crazy, that is an absolutely asinine idea". The most recent was a cousin who is a vast wealth of misinformation, attempted to advise me on a business deal, my response, you rent your home, lost your business and drink too much, I don't need advice from you. Although that did contribute to why I didn't choose to go to the family Christmas Party for the extended family. After I found out I was missed and she was told not to come.

There's two ways to deal with things, either smile, accept the advice with grace or go full on assault - but this is only the way if you have the right kind of personality. I don't do passive-agressive, I do agressive-agressive. I have too many animals, your ass is fat. My kid isn't behaving, yours is a drunk, college drop-out. Glass houses baby and I keep my own counsel on things until you cross the line. All your mother had to say was that her sisters should put down the wine, it's aging them badly, or the amount of turkey they ate was quite a bit more than an average portion, pat their butts and tell them they really can't afford to over-indulge. Otherwise, people are jerks and you have to deal with it. Politely and with grace.

Incidentally, I am always invited to parties with family members, sometimes I am not sure if it's because I'm more fun than a barrel of monkeys, or because I can diffuse situations and we never have drama at a family party when I am there. I have no issue telling someone their opinion is not one anyone wants to hear. It took a long time to learn to call out bullies, someone should have looked at your Aunts and said, "That's really rude, why would you say that". My guess, is they would have recanted.

As an aside, my kid can pick whatever shade of beige she wants for her bedroom
12-29-2013 01:01 PM
GSDolch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betty View Post
You brought back memories of us being told to go to a room or upstairs that my parents needed to talk.

Years later we confessed that the heating vent in my bedroom floor allowed us to hear everything because it was directly above the kitchen table where my parents had most of their serious discussions.

ROFL I think they would of grounded us right then and there if we were not all living independently.

I know when I place a dog I want the whole family on board, including the children (if any). Bringing an animal into a household effects everyone, not just the person obtaining him/her.

HA, I remember doing that at a friends house. You could listen through the vents and we got caught a time or two. BIG trouble! Growing up my house wasn't set up so I couldn't listen in to anything. Not that it mattered really, even if I did hear anything I wasn't allowed to say anything or have an opinion on anything, even if it effected me. I remember once trying to ask about a president debate on TV and was told to keep my mouth shut. :/

It makes me happy that you think about the kids in the house too. I've been told so many times how my kids just shouldn't have an opinion on anything. I don't let them make large decisions of course, but this is still their home, they live here until they are old enough to move out. Heck, I was even told I shouldn't let them choose their own paint for their rooms because it might not go with the rest of the house....<dumbfounded by that one>
12-29-2013 11:10 AM
belladonnalily Btw, I was told I had too many animals too. We lived on a 600 acre farm with 3 dogs, 1 cat and 5 horses. We have 3 daughters that actively ride and show.

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12-29-2013 10:49 AM
belladonnalily My family loves to pass judgment and tell me how I should be living my life. I'm 42, FWIW.

The animals have always been a "special" target for my mother. (Still doesn't rank as high as the bad parenting stuff...I got crucified for not flying home from AZ because my teen daughter was having a meltdown with her dad because he told her *gasp* No).

My GSD pup is ugly. And GSDs are a "Man's Dog." All according to my mom...at EVERY family function. Women are better suited for fluffy little dogs. As long as they don't break a nail handling them. Ive kept my mouth shut. So far. :banghead:

That said, I find that a good portion of the criticism and unsolicited advice from our families cease once WE learn to keep our mouths shut. As adults, we seem to tell our families more than they need to know. Then we get upset because we dont get their approval.

When it comes to things you can't help them knowing, I'd advise shutting the convo down immediately and changing the subject. Its okay to say "I don't care to discuss this with you but thanks for your concern."

I was separated from my husband for 3 months before I told my mom. And she lives 30 minutes away. I've spent several years soul-searching and figuring my life out and this is one of the most important life skills I've learned. Dont invite people into your decisions unless your prepared to listen.

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12-29-2013 10:26 AM
doggiedad show me what derogatory remarks i made about people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by doggiedad View Post
if someone makes a derogatory comment about me when speaking with someone and i overhear it i figure their opinion of me isn't my business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betty View Post
More power to you. I'm not quite that evolved.

>>>>> It is interesting though that while you would not have a comment on a derogatory comment about you, you have plenty on the family dynamics of a group of people you only know via a few postings on the internet.
12-29-2013 10:23 AM
Betty
Quote:
Originally Posted by GSDolch View Post
<sigh>

You really missed the point of that. You must not have kids.

There you go again, with assuming again. Who's to say that the child isn't ALSO an adult? This assumption is not even relevant to the topic. I believe its whats called a red herring.

As I said, my children have more of a say and I value their opinions WAY more than aunt or uncles or cousins. Sorry, I don't adhere to the whole "children should be seen and not heard". If I want to have a conversation that they aren't a part of, then I wont have it where they, and everyone else can hear it, OR, I will ask them to leave the room. (shocker, thats never been an issue if I ask that of them, hmmm, I wonder why?) That stuff is meant for PRIVATE settings, not family gatherings.

My children live in this home, my aunt/uncles/cousins do not.

I'm proud I have children that would come to my defense, as I would theirs. So many parents/children just don't have actual close relationships anymore. Eh, that's for another topic though.
You brought back memories of us being told to go to a room or upstairs that my parents needed to talk.

Years later we confessed that the heating vent in my bedroom floor allowed us to hear everything because it was directly above the kitchen table where my parents had most of their serious discussions.

ROFL I think they would of grounded us right then and there if we were not all living independently.

I know when I place a dog I want the whole family on board, including the children (if any). Bringing an animal into a household effects everyone, not just the person obtaining him/her.
12-29-2013 10:15 AM
Betty
Quote:
Originally Posted by doggiedad View Post
if someone makes a derogatory comment about me when speaking with someone and i overhear it i figure their opinion of me isn't my business.
More power to you. I'm not quite that evolved.

It is interesting though that while you would not have a comment on a derogatory comment about you, you have plenty on the family dynamics of
a group of people you only know via a few postings on the internet.
12-29-2013 08:53 AM
doggiedad 1 >>>> yes, i missed the point. the snarky "you must not
have children", snarky you.

2 >>>> not sure what you think i was assuming.

3 >>>> definitely missed the point there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doggiedad View Post

allowing children to have a say in adult conversations must be a new
parenting technique. i don't think i'll use it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GSDolch View Post
<sigh>

1>>>> You really missed the point of that. You must not have kids.

2>>>>There you go again, with assuming again.



3>>>>Who's to say that the child isn't ALSO an adult?

This assumption is not even relevant to the topic. I believe its whats called a red herring.

As I said, my children have more of a say and I value their opinions WAY more than aunt or uncles or cousins. Sorry, I don't adhere to the whole "children should be seen and not heard". If I want to have a conversation that they aren't a part of, then I wont have it where they, and everyone else can hear it, OR, I will ask them to leave the room. (shocker, thats never been an issue if I ask that of them, hmmm, I wonder why?) That stuff is meant for PRIVATE settings, not family gatherings.

My children live in this home, my aunt/uncles/cousins do not.

I'm proud I have children that would come to my defense, as I would theirs. So many parents/children just don't have actual close relationships anymore. Eh, that's for another topic though.
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