|09-02-2013 11:30 AM|
I was in a super crabby mood when I started this thread, LOL, it was budget day for the month and there's a reason I schedule that day to coincide with PMS, that way I only have one day a month ruined!
Thank you notes have become such a thing of the past, I always write them. That was what we did Boxing Day! Sat down and wrote our notes to everyone who gave us gifts. We were always thrilled to get stationary as a gift. I know my sister writes them, but on dh's side, nobody writes them.
|09-01-2013 03:46 PM|
Here's a little story about my aunt. She is my mom's half sister and she's in her early 70's. She smokes like chimney so she's in the city often for various health issues as the result of that. She's had cancer 3 times but since she get's checked so often they always catch it in time and are able to remove it. She still refuses to quit smoking.
Every time she's in the city for some appointment, she guilts my mom into being a chauffeur for her by making my mom feel bad for her self-inflicted health problems. My aunt DRIVES into the city, goes to my mom's house, then makes my mom drive her around all day because she doesn't know her way around the city and she doesn't want to learn her way around the city. The most ridiculous thing is that to get to the doctor she goes to she only has to make one right turn and one left turn to get there since it's in a straight line from the highway. It's more complicated to get to my mom's house than to go to her doctor.
She never thanks my mom for wasting her whole day on her, and my mom knows not to go anywhere for lunch with her because when the bill comes around my aunt goes "Well you drove us here so you should pay for me."
A couple weeks ago when my grandpa was dying we visited her after we saw him(my aunt didn't even visit him. This isn't her real father, my aunt was an illegitimate child of my grandma's and her real father skipped town when my grandma got pregnant but my grandpa raised her as his own which was a huge deal 70 years ago, and an even bigger deal since he was a poor farmer that could barely provide for his family). In the fall she makes jam from stuff in her garden and she asked my mom and my uncle if they wanted her extra ones. They said sure. Then my aunt says, "But this time I want a thank you note!"
It was so shocking that the queen of ungratefulness was demanding a thank you note from people when she never so much as even gives a verbal thank you to my mom who drives her around all the time completely due to my aunt's laziness to learn how to get to her doctor.
|09-01-2013 01:07 PM|
|09-01-2013 01:05 PM|
I forgot to mention the bard as well, Shakespeare was an astute observer of human nature.
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”
and one of my favs:
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. "
OH and going further back, Plato. Plato's cave is an excellent allegory!
Allegory of the Cave - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
|09-01-2013 12:53 PM|
*sigh* Civilizations collapse, mankind goes on.
My sister and I were raised under the same roof, same parents, same rules yet we are like night and day. She fought my Mom tooth and nail for want of top of the line clothes, sports car, food and what not. I was more concerned with critters and didn't care about those sorts of things. In the end we both turned out O.K.
I know of people as adults who were horribly abused but turned out to be good people and then some who were abused and couldn't heal or get past it to live happy productive lives.
I'm sure we all know of families where some siblings turned out great, responsible and successful and another sibling is involved in drugs or crime.
At the end of the day there is no 'cycle' to break.
My neighbors complain about lazy people who feel 'entitled' then that same bunch of them are using a loophole in homeowners insurance to get new roofs for their houses. So what makes them entitled to free new roofs?
Sociologist Dr. Haidt commented in a recent interview "humans are hardwired to be hypocrites".
The less you focus on what others are doing and more on what you are doing the better it will get for everyone. That's how you put an end to it, be the best person you can be. Once you're perfect then you can work on everyone else.
Just sayin' IMHO of course.
|09-01-2013 11:36 AM|
|09-01-2013 11:14 AM|
|pyratemom||If more people raised their kids on the NILIF idea we would be better off. I've always known dogs are easier to train than people. I had to work to pay for everything extra I wanted as a kid - that meant picking fruit in the summers and bussing tables at a neighbors restaurant in the winter to pay for my horses, chickens, ducks, rabbit, cats, and dogs feed and vet bills. My mom would loan me money when work was short but I had to pay it back. There were no free rides in my house. My first car, my mom loaned me the $350 but I had 6 months to pay it back in total. If you actually have to work for something it means a whole lot more. It doesn't seem kids now days are picking up on this idea.|
|09-01-2013 04:33 AM|
But I really don't see that as any sort of generation trend. I think it's more of an individual personality trait because I see plenty of old folks blaming others all the time. Some people find it comforting to think that everything is everyone else's fault because if it's out of their control then they feel comforted knowing that it's something they couldn't or can't change. And they can be lazy since they believe they can't fix it.
I'm with Msmaria about the entitlement thing. Make your kids work for what they want. Don't buy your kids anything they want, not even if it's their birthday or christmas. Just buy them what they need. They should have to work for all of their wants and unless they are very sickly, living another year is no achievement. Especially for something as expensive as a dirt bike. Personally I think you should take that thing away from your step-son, give him some socks and underwear for his birthday, and go joy riding on your nice new dirt bike that you bought for yourself because you worked for it!
|09-01-2013 03:02 AM|
I don't think all of us young ones are like this though in all honesty. Granted I did have help paying my way through school from my parents, but at 25 I have a social work degree and have devoted my life to working with homeless people with mental health and addiction issues. And being in the social work and social justice circles, I have met a lot of other young people who are incredibly involved and want to make a difference.
I have worked with people that many would consider the worst of the worst, yet I manage to find love and compassion for them. A lot of us young adults are out to make positive changes, and sometimes you just need to look harder to notice it!
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|09-01-2013 01:53 AM|
|Msmaria||How to put an end to it? Have your kids Work For what they want . I was lucky enough to see how My Mom spoiling my brother turned out , Hes 36 years old still lives at her house . Does not work and treats her like crap, But you cant tell her anything . Has broken her tv 3 times. She calls me crying but defends him the minute I tell her hes Spoiled . my kids have had to work for everything they have because In a single mom, My Son Worked 2 summers in high school to get a car' at 16 , graduated at 17 Went to community college because I could not afford the college he wanted. Worked his butt Off to get Scholarships to transfer to UC Riverside and now owns his own business. My point sometimes loving your kids Calls for tough love let them learn about the real world and that you have to Work For things you want Nothing comes easy , I apologize For all the misplaced capitals I am learning to use the new phone my son just bought me|
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