|06-06-2014 11:40 PM|
I am going with a friend to her next tattoo appointment, and hopefully I will be talking with an artist she highly recommends (who is good with nature/animal tattoos) to get my memorial tattoos for Kenai, Grizzly and my grandmother. Those ones I want to try to get done this summer. Upside is she may be able to help design another I have been planning.
This all feels a bit like another step forward for me. Much as it was hard to lose them all, and the severe depression I fell into, step by step it feels a little better.
|06-01-2014 01:04 AM|
Someone early on in replies mentioned that perhaps sharing my story was wrong because people would potentially see it as a reason not to bother with getting a dog from a rescue, which is in ways absurd. This is merely my story, my feelings and emotions. I have had stages going through the grief of losing her. The thought of another white shepherd did not come until after six months when I had this incredible urge to make a video dedicated to her memory. When that happened, I felt a need to locate where I could get another white shepherd, as they are not very common in this area (though they do at times appear). I not only managed to find a nearby breeder who is wonderful, but I found a female that was closer to me who had just been posted that day by her breeder. As fate would have it, that sweet but feisty ball of fur is resting on my feet as I type this. It was not an easy road with her to start, but now she is a truly wonderful dog and has achieved many things I hadn't dreamed possible.
No one dog could ever fill the hole that she left in my heart. As it is, having three dogs of my own, I still feel a part of me gone, but I am getting more okay with that. It is getting easier to think more of the good and less of the bad. I will never forget how that last day together went, but I can see it more as the relief it had to have been for her. Her body was failing, she was wasting away before my eyes, and I always told myself that I would never be that owner who simply could not let go when their dog started to head down that road. I watch it a lot when I see older, failing pets come into our care at work. It breaks your heart a bit to see what was once a healthy and proud animal reduced down to what they can be, but it is hard for some to let go. I think now that I likely waited too long before letting her free of her pain. I asked her to try and even if she was so tired, she still did try for me until I told her it was okay to let go.
It is hard not to love an animal who shows that sort of devotion. <3
|05-31-2014 11:04 PM|
"heart dogs come when our soul needs them most and teach us the lessons and the love we need no matter the source" That's so true Cara
That was a beautiful story and equally beautiful dog Colie. I know my heart was broken too when I lost my heart dog and while another dog never fills the hole they help make the heart less empty
|05-31-2014 09:06 PM|
What your are describing is simple just a part of the human condition! Perhaps you are right and another rescue will never touch in the same way then again maybe not?? Who knows? Some dogs and guardians just have a connection that sometimes transcends the norm.
You might not ever have that same connection with a dog again? But maybe you will? Maybe a breeder puppy, maybe a foster or maybe a rescue?
It's pretty hard to think clearly in the middle of grief , it takes time to heal.
|05-31-2014 08:56 PM|
|05-31-2014 07:58 PM|
|05-31-2014 07:00 PM|
Basically said try again?? Near as I can tell they aren't in VA City?? Not sure the dogs are real?
Sometimes adopting anything with 2 ears and 4 legs is easier to find.
|05-31-2014 06:49 PM|
On my mobile so I can't write a full reply just yet, but I just wanted to point out that I have not only one, but three wonderful dogs that I am very proud to call mine. The difference between them and Kenai is the avenue that I got them in was not a rescue or shelter, but through breeders. It feels like she was an end to an era as far as me owning a dog who was at a shelter or rescue.
After three years of putting my all as a teenager into the shelter I volunteered at, she was the dog I saved. The one who I fell in love with at first sight. Who came to me that day in the meet and greet room when another puppy we looked at was being a bully to her. She backed up onto my feet and it was it. She and I were meant to be, and while I have felt that connection when looking at the dogs I have now, I have not felt it when looking at dogs in shelters or rescues.
I am a full supporter of rescues. I welcome fosters into my house. I will always adopt my cats, but she was just so special, so wonderful, I don't feel that kind of connection when I browse the local shelters, when I look at rescues. Each of my dogs spoke to me in the first image I saw of them, and I cannot imagine my life without my golden, Myles, who is the dog that got me up and still gets me up every day, no matter how dark things may seem. It took months to find him, but only moments for him to steal my heart and I cannot imagine a more wonderful dog to have come in her stead.
That night when I lost her, when I was trapped in the dark, clutching her collar and staring out into the nothing, he was right there at my side, his body pressed over my legs and his soft eyes watching me, wondering how to stop the pain he could feel that came from me. That night changed our relationship and that too had a profound effect on me.
I do know you can't never say never, but I have not felt that instant connection with a shelter dog since I lost her. She was the one I saved. The one who taught me so much. My love of shepherds came from her and I can never imagine my life without one. I simply feel it will be dogs from breeders that catch me now, that light that spark. I don't feel it wrong to share my story and I thank you all for your kind words.
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|05-31-2014 02:03 PM|
|05-31-2014 01:44 PM|
This is very true.
But I'm one of those people who's very scared of pain. I was actually considering getting another dog so that if anything happens to mine I don't lose my mind. I can't stand the thought of him dying.
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