|10-06-2013 06:49 PM|
Dear zeeva, I read your other posts and see that you are already on meds and maybe therapy. If coming here helps you to talk and get things off your chest I know everyone will be supportive. Theres so many people here that know what your going through.
I saw other threads about suicide and depression but never commented because for me its really hard. But I want you to know how important it is to be on the right meds and have someone to trust to talk to.
This my story . Warning its long.
the 90s my brother, the baby of the family did 2 tours in Iraq. When he came back the second time. He wasn't the same fun guy. No one in my family knew how to deal with him. Hed get into fights. Blow off the handle and break my moms tv etc. He threw her livingroom table off her second floor balcony. My mom would call me and id go over there and yell at him. Im ashamed to say. But back then ptsd wasnt talked about and I had no idea why he was being this "crazy person". Akso , hed go weeks being a great person,so we never thought it was a mental problem.One day coming back from a family event in another state my brother started relling ne about the govt watching him. He said my dogs microchip was the govt tracking me. That the govt had spy gadgets that looked like flies and bees that monitored peoples where abouts. My reaction I thought he was a wacko and told him so. My brother began ranting on and on and tried to drive us off the road. I had to swerve to the emergency lane throw the car in park. Turn off the engine and ran outside to get my kids out the car. On a highway. I had to call the police to take him to their station until I could arrange transport fir him. After that I didnt talk to my brother for a year. Not until his suicide attemt. That morning he called me to say sorry. He was a burden on us all he said and didn't want us to suffer anymore. I called 911. They knocked down his door and pumped his stomach. Hospital was only 2 mikes away. My brother was diagnosed I with PTSD, schizophrenia, bipolar, depression with psychotic episodes. It took 3 years after his diagnoses to get him to take meds and see a psychiatrist. We changed psychiatrist 3 times, because he would threaten them.one if them he was sure was following him. I did plenty of sessions with him.im the one person he trusts now, besides his current psych. Im the one he called when he hears people in his head, or sees people (2 guys and a girl). These people tell him not to tell anyone. That he cant trust us. He is on meds now and knows now that things are not right. I promised him I would always be there no matter what time of day or night. He knows he can call me. I wont leave him like I did before because thanks to therapy I know what hes going through. I do believe having someone to talk to without judging him has helped him trenendously.
|10-06-2013 06:45 PM|
she can comfort herself when she decides to get help.
|10-06-2013 06:44 PM|
there's no " if that's true". Zeeva needs serious help from a professional
but she refuses to get it.
|10-06-2013 06:34 PM|
This is a common feeling among caregivers for the chronically ill.
So common in fact, that hospitals and support groups, including care planning teams have begun to include this as a care plan consideration----burn out among caregivers.
Let me give you an example carried to an extreme(well, extreme from a civilian point of view). I was a helicopter medevac crewman in Viet Nam. We were under strict orders NOT to endanger ourselves and our craft by going in if we attracted gunfire. We were to BACK OFF and wait for the ground and air crews to do their job and clear a landing zone. This was an imperative order. Our commander explained to us and anyone that we were NO HELP to anyone if we engaged in heroics that got us or our craft shot up. We not only did not help the wounded at that time----we also helped no one in the future. Everyone understood this and worked together. They did what they were equipped and trained to do, and we did what we were equipped and trained to do.
The feelings you have are your mind wanting to get you away from the stress of the situations. You need that. You need to talk to someone about what and how you should do that. You need to find a way to avoid burnout.
Don't try to be a hero----do the best you can. "Being a hero" means doing the best you can with what you have. Sometimes that means not doing some things----------and that can generate guilt that gets in the way of seeing the overall mission through to the end. That doesn't help anyone, and you'll feel even worse. Not only that, you can't back up and make things better.
I wish you the best of luck with handling the situation, and urge you as strongly as I can to seek help and advice from the care teams or find a counselor for yourself if you need to. If you need help yourself, pastoral trained clergy or medical care team members will understand and be able to make suggestions to help, or at least get you sent to someone who is qualified to help you.
There is no shame at all in admitting that you can't do everything and there is a time to ask for help. It will work, and it will be OK.
|10-06-2013 04:47 PM|
Amina, at least talk to your husband...he's a DOCTOR.
|10-06-2013 04:23 PM|
|Nikitta||Zeeva, I'm always at a loss to know what to say or how to comfort you. I hope your life gets brighter some day. /hugs|
|10-06-2013 04:12 PM|
You have a choice to hang on to them... or not.
They also have made some choices - all out of your control. Let go.
Think less or stop thinking at for a while. Try to meditate for 10 minutes or do some yoga stretching. The stretching really helps my mind from getting carried away, all I can think about is the immediate pain!
|10-06-2013 03:27 PM|
|10-06-2013 02:37 PM|
To the op. You are not alone and theres nothing to feel bad about. Your not psychotic., a psycho doesn't ask those questions..They think they are normal.but, if this is something that hangs over your head every day, like a black cloud. A therapist can help,.
|10-06-2013 01:30 PM|
The real trouble lies in beating yourself up for thinking that way. About ten times a day I have such thoughts, and I think to myself "I'm going to H*** for thinking this." But I think it's human nature.
You really should find a therapist or counselor to help you work through this stuff that you're feeling... the guilt and shame will eat you alive if you let it, believe me. Medication can sometimes help, I can't remember if you are on anything or not. I used to be staunchly anti-medication until I realized that it helped me. The combination of psychological therapy along with the right medication can make a world of difference, at least in your perspective.
I can watch terribly violent movies and they don't bother me that much. But the mere *thought* of someone hurting a kitten makes me so sick, sad, and angry that I simply can't let myself think those thoughts. So I can relate. I keep most humans at arm's length, but some days I feel so empathetic towards the animals that I work with, that I can't stand it if they're feeling stressed, scared, or hurt. I do everything I can to make them comfortable, and yet when I see a homeless person sleeping in the street, I think that it's somehow their own fault. When I know it's far, far more complicated than that--I was even homeless once, so I know!
These feelings are hard to deal with, but you have to come back to the realization that you must take care of yourself first; you can't help anybody else if you yourself are incapacitated. That's why, when flying, they tell you that in the case of a drop in pressure, you put YOUR oxygen mask on first, THEN assist your child. If you aren't getting any oxygen, you're of no help to anyone.
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