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Old 11-17-2013, 10:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Lost my boy Roony

My beloved friend Ronny past away the other day, he was about 12.5 years old.
Not sure of the cause, for the past year or so he has had problems with his bowel movements, vets said they could see no reason why he was having problems, no tumors or restrictions that they could find. They gave him an enema and prescribed stool softeners, he seemed to be doing fine, but never got back to "normal", he always seemed like he was straining, and always ate like a horse.
On Wednesday 13th he was suddenly hobble, he couldn't out any weight on one of his rear legs. Just the day before he was chasing a squirrel in the backyard so I was hoping that he sprained his leg or injured his paw. He couldn't climb the stairs of the basement that he has been up and down 1,000's of times, so I helped him up, brought him his food and water and prayed for a recovery.
On Thur, it seemed my prayers had been answered. He was walking fine with a slight limp, made it up and down the stairs fine, was barking in the backyard and playing with his toys as usual, and ate like a horse. I was elated, but it didn't last long.

Next day FRI he seemed very oppressed, he wouldn't come out of the basement or even get up. I was shocked and worried, but my dog has some peculiarities, one of them being a high paranoia of thunderstorms. If there is a storm, and I mean even 4 hours out, he becomes like this, he gets depressed and skittish, won't eat a thing and won't even think about going outside ,,, So I checked the weather and no hint of storms anywhere. Really worried now, I broke out the leash and called him for a walk, for the 1st time in his life he didn't respond with frantic joy.
He sat there and just looked at me and I knew something was very wrong.

I went to the middle of the basement and tried calling him over, with some effort he got up and came over to me. I comforted him, and carried him upstairs which he did not care for at all. He actually ate some chicken and lapped up some water, I offered him a hot dog but he refused. He laid down and seemed content so I went upstairs to do something, I heard the back door banging open [he is easily capable of barging out the back door, does it all the time].
So I ran out there and he was under the porch, couldn't see him well so I got a flashlight. He was breathing heavily and I noticed his tongue was turning yellow. My heart sank to the ground, and I called my mom who is also very close with him and told her she better get over, I think Roony is dying. She made it over in time, we comforted him but I thought we should leave him alone for a while. Went back in but couldn't help wanting to see how he was doing so I went back out, he shifted his position and was facing the other way, his breathing was even more labored and tongue looking very bad .. I went back in to email a good friend who just loves him, I told her things are not looking good for Roo and barring a miracle which I of course was praying for, it looked like he will not be coming out from that porch alive.
I was right, I sent the email and went right back out, and my boy was gone. I was numb and in shock, but felt a slight sense of relief that he didn't linger or suffer much, and that I didn't have to put him out of his misery.
Still numb, I dug his grave in the yard and place him in it. Had some family members come over for a little service, and placed him to rest along with his leash and favorite toy.

2 days later I am a complete mess. I cannot eat or sleep and I am psychically sick. I am a light smoker but have been smoking like a chimney non stop. I haven't cried at all in over 10 year and I have been crying like a baby these past couple of days. There is no relief, everything that I normally do around here reminds me of what I lost. I am heartsick and have never felt so lonely or empty in all my life.
I am a 47 year old man by the way, single with 2 grown kids. I also have been through this before with 2 other Sheps, Brutus & Popper ... But Roo, the feelings are more intense, I had bonded with him like no other and he was truly my brother, I just don't know how I am going to get through this but I will.
Feel very guilty but I have already started looking for another Shep pup. I know very well that no dog can or will ever replace him and am not expecting that, but I don't actually know if having a new pup would make things better or worse. I just cannot reconcile losing my boy but of course it has to be accepted. 12.5 years is probably towards the high end of a Sheps like expectancy, I feel so blessed to have spent all those years with him, 1,000's & 1,000's of quality hours, many things about him and many things about me only he and I know, he was the best dog I could possibly have ever asked for and part of me died along with him.

Here are a few pics for posterity, one in his prime and the others recent, within a couple of months. I am so glad that he had a great quality of life right up to the end, he went for regular walks, romped around the yard, chewed up boxes and balls, chased squirrels and gave every bit of devotion that he possibly could right up to the end. I am devastated, sometimes I wonder if it is worth it.
Thanks for letting me ramble, don't know if it will make things better or worse, probably no difference, not much that can be done to get over something like this, only time.

I know there are many other threads like this, this is not the time for me to be reading those, but condolences to others who have posted here.
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Old 11-17-2013, 10:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
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There are no adequate words. I feel your pain and wish I could help. I pray you will find peace. From this loss soon. With heartfelt sympathy ..Jan
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Old 11-17-2013, 10:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My condolences

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Old 11-17-2013, 10:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Roony reminds me of my Taz so much. Taz used to love tearing carboard boxes up like that, and had his favorite basketball he would carry around and kick like a soccer ball. I am sorry for your loss of Roony He looked like a great friend. Rest in Peace boy....
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Old 11-17-2013, 10:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss. Most if us have been through it and can understand your pain.

He sounds like an amazing boy and friend. Remember the good times. It sounds like they were plenty!!!

Stay strong.


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Old 11-18-2013, 12:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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All animals are unique and have special traits & characters, Roo was loaded.
He picked up somewhat of a goof personality early on from me, and carried it throughout his life. Having had a total of 5 dogs in my lifetime and experiences with many more, he stands out.
He also loved to chew up 5 gallon buckets, never saw a dog that did that. Not only chew them but he'd flip them around in the air by sticking his head in and whipping his neck up, he'd do it for hours, flip and chew until it was destroyed ,, People used to stand in awed amusement watching him do this, probably could have charged admission.
[As he grew older and his teeth started wearing down, I weened him off the buckets].

He also went ballistic for some odd reason with water spray bottles for some reason ,, Well, when he was a pup I used to tease him and spray water in his face, he took exception to that and when he was grown up enough to back up his bark, I had to be extremely careful pointing one at him, he'd rip it out of my hands and chew it to shreds.
Cameras sent him into a tizzy, I couldn't figure out why, I thought he just didn't like things pointed at him ... But then I figured out, I was using one of those cheap throw away cameras for the longest time, they make that almost unhearable high pitched squeak when you turned them on ,,, Thats what was driving him nuts, when I switched to a digital cam he never even noticed when I was taking a pic.

His phobia of thunderstorms I never could understand, he was not meek at all in any other way, but storms sent him to cowering. I used to razz him about when he was younger, but as time went on I accepted it as part of his character, and I comforted him when a storm was coming on. He was uncanny, I don't know if it had to do with pressure or what, but he sensed them coming on hours in advance. It could be perfectly sunny out without a cloud in the sky, I'd open the door to let him out and he'd stick his head out, then backtrack. He'd get skittish, refuse food and go to his comfort zone, which for some reason was usually the upstairs landing.
Sure enough, every single time, within an hour, 2 or 3 a storm would blow in. Once it was over he went back to his normal self.

Well, I've rambled enough. I did end up reading through a few threads and I'm getting the same thing with seeing all his things laying around still, half a pack of hot dogs in the fridge meant for him will never be eaten ect. Same thing when any loved one dies.

I have a workshop in my garage, I do CNC work among other things and I am out there constantly. Usually when I'm down and out I can throw myself into a project and burn away hours thinking of nothing but the project, but now the garage is cold and empty, I can't even hardly go in it because Roo was out there with me constantly, even when it was raining he'd dash in there to be with me .. So its tough to take, only time can start to heal my pain, but right now I'm in the thick of it.
Thanks for the kind words, appreciated.
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Old 11-18-2013, 12:33 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm very sorry for your loss. (hugs)

I got a puppy 4 days after Riley passed. I did not handle his passing very well. The new puppy did help. He helped me function again and he is not Riley at all. He is the polar opposite of Riley. That is good in some ways. I did not want a constant reminder. Although some days it is a reminder. It does not help the grief go away at all, but it is a new life to focus on. It's hard to explain. For me it was a great help. I still miss and grieve for Riley so much.

We had put all of Riley's stuff up, because it was to painful to see everyday. When we got the new puppy he needed a bowl. Going through that box was very difficult, but now that the new puppy uses the bowl it no longer feels like a knife through my heart to see it.

You'll know what is right for you.
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Old 11-18-2013, 12:41 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Iím very sorry for your loss. I donít know how you feel but I can try to understand. It sounds like you two were best friends and I can relate to losing one of those. It sounds like he was a pretty happy pup and I hope you take some comfort knowing he had a joy filled life because of you. Iím sure the hurt will be there for a while but know you gave your Roony the best life he could have ever hoped for. Iím sure Roony is watching over you from above. RIP Roony
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Old 11-18-2013, 12:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trcy View Post
I'm very sorry for your loss. (hugs)

I got a puppy 4 days after Riley passed. I did not handle his passing very well. The new puppy did help. He helped me function again and he is not Riley at all. He is the polar opposite of Riley. That is good in some ways. I did not want a constant reminder. Although some days it is a reminder. It does not help the grief go away at all, but it is a new life to focus on. It's hard to explain. For me it was a great help. I still miss and grieve for Riley so much.

We had put all of Riley's stuff up, because it was to painful to see everyday. When we got the new puppy he needed a bowl. Going through that box was very difficult, but now that the new puppy uses the bowl it no longer feels like a knife through my heart to see it.

You'll know what is right for you.
Good points.
I don't expect and wouldn't want a carbon copy, I am partial to black & tans males though, thats my basic criteria.
When my last dog died I was grief stricken but it wasn't quite as intense, as our bond wasn't quite as intense. Too, my daughter was 8 years old at the time, son 5, had them for "distraction". It was easy to look at them and think "Well, I can't let this tear me apart, and I can't act like a slobbering fool around them", so I was much more disciplined and controlled.

Different time, different place, they are now 18 and 21, my girl is far away in the USMC, boys doing his own thing ... So I really have nothing to distract me or worry about/take care of, so in that regards maybe a pup would help.
I'm just worried I might feel guilty, like a widow getting remarried 2 weeks after her mates death.
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Old 11-18-2013, 12:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xray View Post

I'm just worried I might feel guilty, like a widow getting remarried 2 weeks after her mates death.
I never felt guilty about having a new puppy. All my guilt was and is all about double guessing every decision and everything that happened with Riley's care. We did everything the professionals wanted to do, but that is what I have doubts about now. My husband says I shouldn't, because we relied on the professionals. Anyway, without going on a long explanation that is the only guilt I deal with.
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