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mandiah89 01-18-2013 01:04 PM

Will I ever recover?
It was a sunny day on November 5th 2012... all seemed normal as I let my GSD named Diesel out to do her business and play a game of fetch. She was 2 years and 8 months old, not a single time in her life had she ever not listened to me, not once did she ever refuse a recall until that fateful day :(

Something must have caught Diesel's attention as she took off like a bat out of **** down my driveway and out into the road... I followed her calling her name and whistling her whistle to no effect. I followed her off my street getting worried as she had never left the property before nor had she ever not listened to me as she neared a busy street. She ran out in front of a car who slammed on their breaks and missed her by inches, startled, she looked back at me while taking a few steps into the next lane where a truck pulling a utility trailer hit her head on. I watched in horror as she was hit and flew under the back wheel of the truck then under the trailer, already in the process of running to her.

The man driving the truck did not slow down, break, or stop even after hitting her he just kept going! Diesel looked up at me as I threw my body over he to try to protect her from the car that was behind the truck, which had stopped as she has seen what had occured. Diesel tried to get up but realized she couldn't. The lady in the car ran out with a blanket and threw it on Diesel and helped me pick her up and put her in her car. She drove us the two minuets to the animal hospital. I waited outside in the car as the woman ran into the clinic. I tried to keep calm for Diesel's sake but was crying and panicking.

A vet tech ran out to the car and took Diesel in her arms and ran her inside. I thanked the lady and apologized for the blood from my dog in the back seat, she waved me away saying go be with your dog! I ran inside and after Diesel still bawling. The vet took us into the "Emergency room" and started looking her over and giving her pain meds and steriods.

Diesel who was a slim shepherd, all the sudden had a very VERY bloated stomach, which the vet told me she was bleeding internally. Her eyes had started to go all black, and non reactive, and she had a bowl movement on the table. I cried and screamed that she was going to die and the vet said " thats most likely whats going to happen". Seconds later Diesel started to take gasping breaths, and the vet checked her eyes and they were completely non reactive, I begged the vet to please put her out of her misery. They told me I was making the right decision to end her last bit of suffering as she was already pretty much gone it was just her body trying to fight on. They injected that horrible green liquid into her and it took maybe 5 seconds for her to stop breathing.

Throughout her entire ordeal she did not whimper or whine, and I hope to God that she did not suffer, or if she was actually just being strong for me.

I stayed with her for as long as I could bare, and the vets told me that the only charge that they were going to make was the $60 to "put her to sleep" and did not charge me for anything else.

Two months and 7 days after this all happened I still feel broken. I infact tried to end my life shortly after this had all happened. I still have nightmares, I cry all the time, and think of her almost constantly... She was my angel and I miss her dearly, I wish there was something I could have done to change what happened...

My family knew how much Diesel had meant to me... She was my furchild (as I dont want any kids of my own only 4 legged furry ones). So they surprised me with another pure bred GSD puppy for Christmas (which coincidentally was born a few hours after Diesel had passed) . I wasnt sure if i was ready for another puppy, let alone one that looks just like Diesel did, but i feel that I am blessed to have Penny in my life now, almost like she was a gift from Diesel, and am learning to open my heart to love her like I did Diesel, although I know no other dog will ever replace Diesel.

Sorry for the long post. And Diesel may you R.I.P and may one day you and I be reunited!

Mary&Stella 01-18-2013 01:12 PM

You will recover, thoughts of Diesel will turn into warm happy memories, it just takes time. Enjoy your new Penny, a gift of Love from your family and just keep on going day to day. It is so hard when our beloved dogs pass, but always nice to open your heart to a new fur baby.
I am so sorry for your loss, ...

Shade 01-18-2013 01:19 PM

I'm so sorry, it's hard enough to lose a loved one but lose them like that is beyond tragic. :hugs:

I had a cocker spaniel who was my first dog who belonged to me alone. I had to put him down because of medical complications and I was devestated. Shortly after I brought Jazzy home and it took me several months to truly bond to her. I liked her and took care of her, but I did not love and bond to her for at least 3-4 months.

It does get better and you do learn to appreciate the new dog for who they are.

1sttimeforgsd 01-18-2013 01:29 PM

Sorry about the loss of your precious Diesel, I have found that over time the pain lessons but it never goes away. You are going to make lots of new memories with your new girl Penny and grow to love her just as much, and someday when it is time Diesel will be at the bridge waiting for you. Now start making those memories with Penny and take lots of pics to share with us, because we just love looking at pics on here.

RocketDog 01-18-2013 01:33 PM

Oh dear. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you. Let Time work it's slow magic.

Bear GSD 01-18-2013 01:35 PM

I am so sorry for the horrific loss of your precious Diesel. I only hope that time and your new Penny will help ease the pain. Sorry to welcome youto the forum under sad circumstances. :(

blackshep 01-18-2013 01:37 PM

I'm so sorry, what a horrible thing to witness.

You will recover. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will. I lost my little cat a year and a half ago, and for months I couldn't stop crying. Slowly but surely the pain lessened. I miss him terribly, that will never go away, but the pain becomes less.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's every pet owners worst nightmare. :(

Daisy 01-18-2013 01:40 PM

I read this and am crying for you, and am so sorry for your loss of Diesel. In time, I hope your memories bring a smile to replace the pain. Just love Penny for who she is and she will eventually steal your heart.

Cassidy's Mom 01-18-2013 01:40 PM

OMG, how horrible. I hope that Penny can heal your heart. :hugs:

Stevenzachsmom 01-18-2013 02:10 PM

You have just described all our worst nightmares. These tragedies happen so quickly. I am so very sorry for your loss. No Penny will not replace Diesel. I don't think we ever replace our beloved dogs, nor should we try. You will love Penny more and more every day - for who she is. Your heart will heal. There may be scars, but the pain will ease, in time.

Hugs to you!

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