Can't stop thinking about my puppy

[Pattyobrien3]

A little over a month ago, my new puppy, Bear, was struck by a car, which killed him. He was just over 3 months old. I posted a description of that event in detail on another posting in this area - it is called "Hit by a car".

Hit by a car

I've lost pets before, growing up, but it was always due to old age, and to be honest, their deaths never really bothered me. I cared for them, I believe, but it was only natural, I suppose.

Bear's death was not like that. Happening at such a young age, and right in front of me, and in such a violent fashion has been and still is difficult.

He's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, and the first thing I think about when I wake up. When I get in my car to go work, I think about how I took him for car rides, and when I see snow on the ground, I think about how much he enjoyed snow the one time he got to see it.

I think of him walking down a street corner that reminds me of our visit to Boulder. Even small things like my slippers he liked to chase, or a couple bare spots on the carpet that he chewed up. The other day, I was just walking to the restroom, and the memory of the moment of impact surfaced, unbidden, for no particular reason.

I think what got me thinking about all of this was facebook - I was glancing at my profile, and my first picture of him popped up randomly, and FB asked when I took it. That picture is attached.

There's a thousand small things that remind me of him, no matter where I go, or what I'm doing. He's never far from my thoughts, throughout the entire day, every day since his death.

While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, because I want to remember him, I have to wonder if this is standard. I've never lost anyone or anything I cared for so much before, so this sort of thing is new to me.

I love him. And I miss him. And the last thing I want to do is forget about him. But each time I think about him it's almost like re-living his death all over again, like opening a wound that just won't heal.

How can I remember him, but be distanced from the pain of his death? It is difficult to separate the two.

[Kyleigh]

Grief and grieving affect people very differently. I think the way Bear was taken from you was so traumatic (as opposed to passing at an old age), is why you are taking this harder than you anticipated.

Outside of PTS your pet because of old age, pain, suffering, etc. you had ZERO choice in Bear's death. And it was a horrific death.

When these feelings come over you, give in to them. Don't try and hide them, don't try and stop crying. Let yourself grieve and mourn for the loss of a pet that you adored, even for a short time. Right now, I wouldn't try and distance myself. When I lost my last dog at the young age of 6.5 I was "lost" for an entire month. I had "put everything away" but was still calling for her in the morning to go outside, and looking for her at odd times to go for a walk.

I think if you let yourself grieve, you'll find that over time (and there is NO time limit on grief) you will be able to muddle through this tragic event.

My heart goes out to you while you are going through this horrible time. It is heart breaking to feel the way you do, and I am sending you a virtual hug.

[jang]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time..Last night my Sib was not herself...of course the first thing I think of is bloat...I went to bed but kept going out to her to see if she was ok...during that time I tried to Imagine my life without her...I found just the thought of it was unbearable...I cannot imagine your pain and I pray you will find comfort from it soon...My thoughts are with you...jan

[Bear GSD]

I'm really and truly sorry that you are still in such pain. I think because of the way he died it's especially painful for you. I know that it's been 1 year since I lost my Elsa and it still hurts. I know that nothing else can replace the feelings and love that you had for your Bear but maybe in time you will be able to heal. Every time I visit that dog park that we met at I think about you and your little Bear. It truly is heartbreaking.
Have you thought anymore on the upcoming litters that are due? I know that you can never replace Bear, but I know that that when I got my Bear a month after I lost Elsa it definitely helped with the healing process.
I wish there were words that I could offer to make you feel better.
Take care of yourself!

[Peter.]

I simply can't imagine what you're going through... I have to think that talking about it, and how you're feeling is the best thing you can do right now. Hang in there

[Pattyobrien3]

Originally Posted by Bear GSD

I'm really and truly sorry that you are still in such pain. I think because of the way he died it's especially painful for you. I know that it's been 1 year since I lost my Elsa and it still hurts. I know that nothing else can replace the feelings and love that you had for your Bear but maybe in time you will be able to heal. Every time I visit that dog park that we met at I think about you and your little Bear. It truly is heartbreaking.
Have you thought anymore on the upcoming litters that are due? I know that you can never replace Bear, but I know that that when I got my Bear a month after I lost Elsa it definitely helped with the healing process.
I wish there were words that I could offer to make you feel better.
Take care of yourself!

I have thought about the litter, and in fact have put a deposit on the upcoming whiskey litter. However, I was second in line for a male, and there were 4 females and 1 male born.

I'm having trouble deciding what to do next. I don't have anything against a female dog, and in fact want one someday, but I am currently caring for my parent's 2 german shepherds, and I'm very close to the female. But she is getting older (11 or 12 right now), and though she is in good health, she probably doesn't have much time left. I feel like getting a female at this point is tantamount to replacing her before she is even gone, and I don't want to do that.

I can wait more for the next whiskey litter, but I really want a puppy again. However, and more importantly, by the time I get to take a whiskey puppy home again, my parent's dogs will likely be back with my parents. They are the dogs I grew up with during high school, and I really wanted them to meet and help raise my new puppy, for both sentimental and pratical reasons.

The other option is go with another litter, and while I want another whiskey puppy, my brother pointed out that another whiskey puppy may be an unpleasant reminder of Bear. I'm not sure if this would be the case, but I have considered it. There is another litter being sired by Zeo for christmas, and if this were my first puppy purchase, I would have no reservations at all with a Zeo puppy instead - Zeo is a large, handsome red/black male, just like whiskey.

I will probably try for a Zeo puppy, if there is any room on the waiting list left. It won't be the same as Bear, and nothing will ever be. But it'll be nice.

[blackshep]

Patty, I recently lost my mom and just last week I had a dream about her that wrecked me for an entire day. My dream was that she'd come back to my sister's and I, just to give us a hug before she disappeared again. In my dream I was trying to make her stay, telling her she didn't have to go. I kept crying on and off all day.

When you lose someone pet or human, that you loved so dearly, there are going to be times they pop back into your mind. I had told my friend about this dream of mine, and she said that was my mom's spirit coming back to check in and tell me she was ok.

So I think your wee Bear was just checking in to say hi.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I think with an older or sick animal, you have time to process that the end is maybe near. You are there to hold them and help them into their next path that they must take. With something like that, the thought of losing them hasn't even crossed your mind, they are so new into the world. I think time is the only thing that will help numb the pain, unfortunately.

I hope one day you'll find a little room in your heart and home for another little friend. They are such a joy, and I'm so sorry you didn't get the time you deserved to have with Bear.

I'll give my baby girl a hug and kiss tonight.


((hugs)) and RIP little Bear <3

[Bear GSD]

I know you wanted a male and you wanted a Whisky puppy, but maybe you might reconsider a female.
When I lost my Elsa I purposely wanted a male so as not to be reminded of her. Also have you thought about the Cash/Ambra litter? I know that that pairing will usually throw some Long Coats in the litter. Were you looking for a LC or did you want a stock?
I guess I would wait until the litter is on the ground and visit the litter and see what you think.
Good luck and let me know which litter you go with!

[Pattyobrien3]

Originally Posted by Bear GSD

I know you wanted a male and you wanted a Whisky puppy, but maybe you might reconsider a female.
When I lost my Elsa I purposely wanted a male so as not to be reminded of her. Also have you thought about the Cash/Ambra litter? I know that that pairing will usually throw some Long Coats in the litter. Were you looking for a LC or did you want a stock?
I guess I would wait until the litter is on the ground and visit the litter and see what you think.
Good luck and let me know which litter you go with!

I'm still hesitant about a female, at this time, mainly for the reason I listed below. It almost feels like betraying my old female, or abandoning her, even before she's gone. As for Cash, he's an impressive dog, but I'm not a fan of long coats (though I hear they shed less than stock coats).

I think I'll give them a call to see how the Zeo litter is coming along.

[Bear GSD]

Originally Posted by Pattyobrien3

I'm still hesitant about a female, at this time, mainly for the reason I listed below. It almost feels like betraying my old female, or abandoning her, even before she's gone. As for Cash, he's an impressive dog, but I'm not a fan of long coats (though I hear they shed less than stock coats).

I think I'll give them a call to see how the Zeo litter is coming along.

Oh, I thought your Bear was a LC. As for the shedding, it has been much discussed and having a coatie myself I can say that IMO they do shed a lot less! Although when you look at my Bear he definitely is not as coated as Cash, lets just say he's plushier than a stock coat.
Good luck with your pick!