Belle is gone and I am completely heartbroken

[momto3k9s]

I made the appt this morning and took her in to be put down. Although she was eating great for the last week because I pureed her food and she was peeing and pooping outside...her breathing got so bad. I didn't want to let go but...she was suffering. She was having a hard time trying to swallow her own saliva. She got so bad so quick. She started panting and having a hard time breathing.

I know she was beginning to suffer and I know it was the best thing for her but....it doesn't make it any easier for me. I know that's horrible to say. I should be thinking positive because she was really getting bad but...I'm just so so SO sad right now.

Belle was the best dog ever! I know just about everyone says that about their dog but really - she was the best there was. She never - EVER peed or pooped in the house, never chewed anything up...she was just perfect...even as a puppy - never got into any trouble at all!! I am just completely heartbroken.

I almost died as I drove away from the house and my husband, kids and Thor were standing at the door waving goodbye and Belle was just looking right at them as we pulled away. I got to the end of the block and almost turned around - I almost couldn't go through with it but then I heard her panting (or trying to pant) to get some air.

I didn't have anyone to stay with the kids so my husband said he would take her to be put down but I am her security blanket. Any time things would get rough, she would come to me for comfort. I had to be there while she passed. The dr (the same one who put Zeus down) came out to my truck and put her down in the back (the same spot Zeus was put down). It was hard being by myself - I never had to put a dog down by myself before but...we were always together so I guess it was right that I was the one to be with her when she left us. This morning when I woke up she came up to me and snuggled with me and buried her head under my neck like she does every day. It was so hard knowing that would be the last time I would feel her warm fur snuggle up into my neck. I miss my snugglebug so much!!!!

I was very nervous about something though. I had Zeus sedated before he was given the final shot...but with Belle - I couldn't. I was afraid she would suffocate before they gave her that final shot if they sedated her first. Her throat was closing up so much from that tumor... The dr said the animals are "aware" more of what's going on if they aren't sedated but she agreed, we couldn't sedate her. Belle's head was in my arms as the dr gave her the shot and I can tell that she kinda picked her head up and stopped panting as to say "wait a minute - what's going on". I was so upset that she was suffering or even more scared because we didn't sedate her first. She went peacefully though lying in my arms while I kissed her, scratched her ears and told her what a perfect dog she was and how much I loved her and how much I was going to miss her.

I snipped some hair off her tail and took that home with me and I took her collar too. On the way home I heard the tag from her collar. For a split second I forgot she was gone and looked in the back of the car to see her little head poping up. I looked at her collar and wanted to see if there was anything that would make the tag make that sound but nothing was against it - it didn't hit anything and the road I was driving on was flat. I picked up that collar and held it in my arms til I got home. I felt she was giving me a sign that she was on her way to The Bridge.

When I got home I let Thor sniff her collar...and I sniffed it too. It still smells like her. It was so hard leaving the house with her and coming home only with her collar. Now I see her empty bed, crate, dog bowls.....it's so sad yet I can't bring myself to take her stuff away. ....I feel like she'll be back to use it soon.

When I got home holding Belle's collar my 4 year old was crying and upset so her and I went outside on my swing and we looked up in the sky to talk to Belle. Belle and I loved to sit on that swing together - it was our favorite time together. I am just completely heartbroken now and can't stop crying.

I wonder if Belle has met up with her two brothers yet on The Bridge. I raised three dogs together - Skylar, Zeus and Belle. I used to love to watch the three of them playing together in the yard. It was so funny. My Three Stooges are together again. I guess Belle will spend Christmas with them instead of us.

When I can stop these tears and can see clearly I'll post some pictures in the picture section.

RIP my Bellie Wellie - you are forever in my heart. I am going to miss my little snugglebug rubbing up against me every morning and night. I love and miss you VERY VERY much!!! xoxoxoxo

[Kelly's Buddy]

I have no words but can only offer my sympathies for you and your family concerning your loss.

RIP Belle. Say hello to Sadie for me...

[Wolfiesmom]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You did the right thing, letting her go> It was her time. You are very brave going yourself. I don't think that I could do that. Rest in peace and breathe free now Belle.

[cassadee7]

What a heartbreaking story. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sure she was giving you a sign she was on her way, happy and running free.

[GSDBESTK9]

I'm very sorry for your loss, I know now how hard making the decision is.

[Sunstreaked]

I almost couldn't finish your post as I couldn't see to read through my tears. There are no words when we lose someone we love and I'm so glad Belle had someone like you to take the best care of her and do what she needed. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Stosh]

There just aren't enough tears for a day like today- I had to take our last gsd Omy in by myself because my husband was on a business trip and as soon as we got there I was thinking I had made a big mistake- even though I knew otherwise. I miss her desperately and still haven't cried my last tear over her, maybe it helps to know that we've all gone through the same heartbreak. Belle put her life in your hands and trusted you to do the best for her and you did.

[KZoppa]

I have no words except to say i am so sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here and crying with you. Its never easy to lose them but at least you were with her. She knew how much you loved her. I too believe her tags jingling was her sign to you that she's better now. Wish i could give you a real hug but i'll have to settle for a virtual one and know that you and your family are in my prayers.

RIP Belle.

[Zoeys mom]

I am crying snuggling with my two stooges now- my Zeus is at the bridge waiting for them. I can't imagine the day all are gone, replaced by new stooges, but not here with me. Belle is running free now breathing the fresh air and smiling down on you. Her Christmas reunion got an early start, and hopefully soon enough your void is filled with a new love

[Dejavu]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Your story broke my heart, you loved her so very much and you were so brave for her.

I'm also sure she was giving you a sign, and saying thank you for the wonderful life you lived together.

My thoughts and my heart go out to you. With tons of hugs.