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-   -   Will I Eventually Feel The Bond...? (http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/general-puppy-stuff/457290-will-i-eventually-feel-bond.html)

LookingForTheLight 06-05-2014 08:46 AM

Will I Eventually Feel The Bond...?
 
Hello All! I am relatively new to the forums, though I have lurked for nearly a year :) Well, I have a gorgeous German Shepherd mixed puppy, and I got her at 8 weeks old. She is now currently 10 months old, and is in her heat, but that is not in topic. I had gotten her as a present from my family, and I was so surprised to see her. I felt I was ready for a dog, but a puppy was a different story.

I tried my very hardest, made sure she was fed the right amount, fed and walked when I was unable, I kept her by my side, followed her when she left the room, and I tried very hard to bond with her. You see, I have lost contact with all my previous friends, and things have been hard in my family, so I had been longing for something to lighten the mood, and I have wanted my own dog for years now. At first I tried to force the bond, and soon it just became hard. I started to dislike being around her, and even the day after I had gotten her I did not wake up excited to take care of her as I thought I would be after getting a new puppy. I probably sound like a terrible person now! I looked up online and it all said eventually I will start feeling the connection and never wanna be away from her, and that was when she was 4 months.

She is now 10 months old as I mentioned before, and I still feel no bond or connection, and she just does not fit our lifestyle. On the other hand, she has every quality I want in a dog: athletic build, fast, water lover, very loving (although overwhelming at times), and not that this matters much, she is beautiful. I don't want to keep her with us if she just is not the right fit, but the thought of her leaving does make me sad a little bit. I just always groan when I have to take care of her, and that just sounds so wrong. We have two other family dogs and I take care of them with joy, but I just don't know... I have not yet been able to take her to training classes because things have come up that have sucked up a substantial amount of money. I am trying to set aside money to get her to training classes to see if it will work, but I do not feel the need if she just is not right for me or my family.

To make things simple, will this bond ever arrive? Does it take this long? How long has it taken you in the past to develop a connection with your dog? ANY advice is very much appreciated. Thank you so much for any help, and for reading my long rant! :)

Shade 06-05-2014 09:00 AM

I got my poodle the next day after putting down my cocker spaniel, between her being a nightmare to housetrain and being a very nervous clingy dog and me still dealing with my grief I was very much closed off to her. I admit it now but at the time I would have denied it vehemently, I liked having a dog and caring for her. I liked her but I did not love her, caring for and training her was a duty not a joy. But after a few months I realized how unhappy I was making myself and focused on the positive.

I started to look at her truthfully and point out her strengths rather than focus on her weaknesses. I really put effort into finding things that she liked and adding those in rather than just focusing on what I wanted at all times and having her tag along.

Bonds can happen overnight or they can take a while, don't put a timeline on it. GSD puppies especially seem to really be a nightmare for the first year but there is hope and with training and consistency they really do shine and become wonderful dogs :) But in the end if you truly don't feel like the dog belongs and is happy then it might be best to help her find a home that will love and care for her in the way she needs.

JakodaCD OA 06-05-2014 09:03 AM

I have had many dogs over the years, german shepherds/mixes/aussies..I have felt and experienced that special bond with all of them.

What Shanna said is true, but I would add, if you think this dog is not a good fit for you or your lifestyle , find a home where she will fit in , now, before she gets older and harder to place.

Baillif 06-05-2014 09:18 AM

I really dont know what to tell you. I spend a good chunk of my days developing a relationship with dogs and a working raport with them and the majority of the time is spent selling myself to the dog and not the other way around.

I think maybe your dog is a burden to you, either because it isnt behaving or because the two of you dont share activities you both enjoy together, and all youre left with is taking care of the dogs basic needs and cleaning up after the messes it makes. If this is the case you may never have that bond if you dont go out to actively try to create it through a working relationship in which you are getting something back.

Whenever I get a really annoying dog coming through here that I dont like I try to isolate all the things I find annoying about them and get rid of those behaviors or add behaviors where applicable. More so than that I generally try to make an effort to hang out with them more outside of actual training and develop a relationship where the dog at least really likes me even if I kind of want to strangle them.

And you know what? By the end a lot of those dogs I hated ended up some of the hardest dogs to say bye to at the end. When all the annoyances are eliminated and the games and relationship are developed what you have left is a good dog that is on the same page with you. Sympatico. Then all thats left is transfering that to the owner, and thats when magic happens.

Its a cliche but you get out of those things what you put into them. Taking care of the basic needs of a dog gets you a dog that is basically alive. It doesnt get you a relationship.

LookingForTheLight 06-05-2014 09:26 AM

I hear what you are all saying. I tried really hard to "sell myself" to my dog Ballif. And I took good care of her, but it was just never fun. A burden as you stated. I like her, but don't love her in a way, but the idea of re-homing her saddens me. I want what is best for her, not for me, so if giving her to a better home is better for her then she will be re-homed. For now, I am going to look into training classes, and I will look at only the positives in her, and try to just spend more time with her. I know I can do better. Thank you for the advice!

LookingForTheLight 06-05-2014 09:26 AM

I will also try my best to upload photos of her. She is a beauty if I do say so myself :)

jocoyn 06-05-2014 09:33 AM

Obedience work really helps. I would also consider enrolling in something like agility or nosework because DOING something with your dog really seems to help build the bond.

I struggled and it took longer with Beau as he is very independent but something clicked ...and now we have such a strong bond, people notice it and comment on it. .... He was over a year. To my defense.....Once I got him my two older dogs quickly got sick with some age related problems and I had my hands full with him, two sick dogs, and my disable mother so all he got for awhile was the basic care and basic training........

misslesleedavis1 06-05-2014 09:39 AM

This is a tough one, she certainly does not sound hard done by, can you get over not having a deep bond yet give her a fabulous life? You may never have a bond with her and as long as you know that you can work with your feelings.
Sometimes for whatever reason people just dont connect, they cant. My fiance is 100% bonded with shiggs, I am not. I care for her and provide her the absolute best I have to offer she gets the same treatment that my other 2 do but I am deeply attached to my other 2 far more then her. Maybe you will have a moment were the puzzle peices line up and fit or maybe you will not but if you are committed to her then you can move past how you feel.

As other forum members suggested put her in a activity you can do with her.

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LookingForTheLight 06-05-2014 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misslesleedavis1 (Post 5604298)
This is a tough one, she certainly does not sound hard done by, can you get over not having a deep bond yet give her a fabulous life? You may never have a bond with her and as long as you know that you can work with your feelings.
Sometimes for whatever reason people just dont connect, they cant. My fiance is 100% bonded with shiggs, I am not. I care for her and provide her the absolute best I have to offer she gets the same treatment that my other 2 do but I am deeply attached to my other 2 far more then her. Maybe you will have a moment were the puzzle peices line up and fit or maybe you will not but if you are committed to her then you can move past how you feel.

As other forum members suggested put her in a activity you can do with her.

Sent from Petguide.com Free App

I try to give her a fabulous life, I just do not enjoy it. But I just want her to be happy. I try to treat her like the diva she is! I am not just neglecting her cause I do not feel a bond. I take great care if I can say that about myself. I think she would be amazing in agility! I am not kidding... she runs like a pro, her figure is as if she has done agility her whole life, and she learned to jumper after 10 minutes! I normally just go outside with her 45 minutes a day, and a walk once or twice a week. And then of course the times I feed her.

wolfy dog 06-05-2014 10:31 AM

This can happen when a dog is given as a present. You tried your best for 8 months. It's not fair to you and the dog. Find her a home where they love and want her. You need to take your time to make sure she is safe. A friend of mine did just that and put the dog in the paper. When the first person called she realized that she didn't want to part with her and the bond happened right then. They are good together now since the last ten years. Another friend got a puppy as a present and never liked the dog really but didn't want to hurt the giver and lived 14 years with this dog. Do what is in your heart.


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