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Feeling burnt out...

5K views 57 replies 19 participants last post by  WateryTart 
#1 ·
I need to vent. I am starting to feel burnt out with this dog! Don't get my wrong, he is generally a good boy. No major behavioral problems, he's doing the standard teenage testing now (he's just over 14 months) but is incredibly responsive to corrections. He's got some mild resource guarding going on (of me not towards me) which is being managed and headway is being made. It's just that I have to constantly be on my toes with him and it's kind of exhausting.

I feel like I am failing him. I'm not bringing out all of his potential. Sometimes I even feel like we aren't a personality match. I'm not fully convinced that my training/handling style is suited for him. I keep going back and forth with it. In many ways he is one of the easiest dogs I have ever worked with and in others he is the most difficult.

It's hard to even put my finger on what's "off" between us.

He's just too dang smart. There's not really anything that I have tried to do with him that he hasn't been able to "get". His imperfections are truly due to handling errors on my part. He picks up tricks in a few repetitions. He knows far more commands and tricks then any dog I have had. He CRAVES the problem solving and learning something new. He gets bored easily and shuts down when working on perfecting something he has already learned the basics of. Which means he has a wide range but actual progress is slower...

He has mastered nearly every door in the house. I had the window cracked open and went out to get the mail, he pushed it open the rest of the way and popped the screen out to join me. I have to crate him or take him with me everytime now. When he was shorter, he figured out how to move the chairs from under the table to use them as a step up to counter surf. He learned how to use the power buttons on the car to open the windows to let himself out. He steals stuff and is sneaky about it. He can read me like a book. It's getting increasingly difficult to out smart him. He likes stealing the TV remote. So I started keeping it in the drawer on the end table. Then he figured out how to nose open said drawer.

When we are both on our A game. It's amazing. Like a telepathic connection. I swear he responds to my thoughts not my words. When we aren't on that wavelength though it is a total disaster. He anticipates what's next. I constantly have to reel him in. That frustrates both of us. It's like there is no middle ground.

He LOVES to "work" and I don't have a proper job for him. :( He takes his tasks seriously and with a lot of intensity. He is one of those that will go until he drops. And not only that, and this may be major anthromorphising in my part, but he seems to need to accomplish something. Chasing the ball ad nauseum doesn't cut it. He really liked his bite work foundation training. I think it was the "fight" to win the sleeve that had him hooked. He likes the search part of nose work. He visibly seems to relax when he finds his target. Not doing anything special nose work wise either. Just taught him to find a leather key chain scented with peppermint oil around the house and yard. He loves puzzle toys, but with the more difficult ones he sometimes needs to be reeled in. He gets too excited and needs a long down stay to slow down so he can think the problem through.

He is a suspicious and defensive dog. He has bitten and drawn blood in defense. He seems to have a good head about him though and he is obedient and will yield to my direction. But being out and about with him means constant vigilance. Worried someone will sneak up on us and he will decide they are bad news and react. Had 1 close call like that where we almost got run over by some drunk guy sledding down stairs, it made an awful racket and he nearly ran us over. The dog lunged. Fourth of July was interesting with fireworks going off. The first one was the worst. That one included body slamming the front door and checking all the windows to see what was up. Then the soft barks and low growls. By the 3rd or 4th one he completely ignored them, but in the beginning he was convinced that we were under attack and he was all about going out to handle it. He is a bite first ask questions later kind of dog. I was sweeping the hallway and had the broom and dustpan leaning against the wall, he bumped it and it fell over on top of him, he turned on his heels raising heck ready to take a chunk out of it, until he saw what it was. It seems to be the stuff that startles him. He generally ignores people but enjoys the attention when he is allowed to say "hi". He's never been reactive in a normal situation so I am loathe to call him unstable... he's just edgy sometimes?

That's him in a nut shell. Combine that with the normal teenage stuff, the reduced exercise the past week due to the weather and yeah... I'm not the best possible owner for him. I know it. But I couldn't give him up for anything. He is literally sprawled out in my lap right now. Laying on his back, feet in the air and his head pressed up against me. I don't think either of us would survive a rehoming. I want to do better by him but am just emotionally and mentally tapped out right now.

I do have a fair deal of none dog related stress at the moment, so I suppose that some of the negative feelings about the pup could be bleed over, but I've had these doubts for a while now...

Sorry for the length, I just needed to get some of that off my chest.
 
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#2 ·
.....sounds like the early stages of a happy marriage :) Once he reaches full emotional maturity, you'll both settle down to your happily ever after.

"I'm not the best possible owner for him. I know it. But I couldn't give him up for anything. He is literally sprawled out in my lap right now. Laying on his back,"

I feel the same way. My trainer loves my dog and has said she would take my dog in a heartbeat. He'd get a great job with the trainer as a detection dog, but he's mine. I choose not to feel guilty.
 
#3 ·
It's the same thing with raising children. We do the best we can and always have some regrets. You can work with a private trainer on reactivity. Unless a purebred GSD is working at a job or actively showing and titling, they aren't working up to their full potentials, but that's OK. Not every dog needs a full time job. Your dog's job is being your pet.
 
#5 ·
At 14 months, Simon was such a handful and I felt like such a loser and I knew it was my handling skills. One thing that has happened in the last few months is that he has started to mentally mature and he has become more cooperative.

He stopped opening doors to go get stuff he knew he wasn't supposed to have, i.e., shoes and socks. When he was 14 months, in the backyard off leash, I had him in front of me and told him to down: He ran around me as fast as he could three time and then slid in front of me, rolled on his back, and gave me a big ole smile. I did not laugh--until later.

For me, the tension right now is using the correct level of correction. If I am heavy handed, he's miserable; if I ease up, he blows me off. Here's the thing--I really know him now at 2.5 years old. I read how things are going--then adjust the tools I use for practicing obedience.

I am having his hip and elbows checked next week. He's wearing a muzzle into this office since we have never been in there. No surprises. No reaction to other animals. Period. FTW (For the win).

You've done a lot with your boy. Don't be too hard on yourself. Someone else said it on another thread: GSDs are not a part of your life, they are your life. I would add--especially until they mature.
 
#8 ·
When the time comes that he is old, arthritic and slow, you wish that you could turn back time. Better to enjoy the crazy adolescent. That's what I tell myself whenever I am raising a bratty teenager dog. Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the situation and it probably will make you smile. By the time he is 3 everything like this will probably history. he is a GSD.
I currently am raising a Collie; does not require any work, which is weird and way too easy. Glad that I have a workaholic for a GSD as well.
 
#10 ·
This is so true. All of mine are independent to some degree. Midnite is in his all gates in the house must be open phase. Robyn just had surgery and is in the bathroom recovering, but Midnite keeps breaking her out. I'm not going to lie, a couple times I needed him to open the gate and I used that to my benefit. Misty my senior was always a dog that you had to stay one step ahead of. As she got older and has slowed down--I miss it. I also have lots more patience with the rest of them because one day they are all going to slow down. So I take a deep breath and smile.

Apollo has the same personality as the OP dog right down to the resource guarding of me. It has gotten much better as he has gotten older but the instincts are there--I see it. I am definitely more careful when I take him out and about, but when we are home he is a mamas boy, completely attached and ready to absorb anything I need him to.

Hang in there, take a step back, maybe enjoy him as a dog with no obedience beyond a recall and some sits. How about nose work classes with him? That would be fun.
 
#9 ·
I think that taking a break every so often is really important especially when stressed or burnt out. I know that my own doubt's are magnified when I need a breather. And I know for certain that I'm not half the handler that my boy needs.

But guilt is a human emotion and thank heavens our dogs don't think in that way. So the way I see it, my boy has a decent life with love, structure, and some fun. The way he probably sees it, I'm the best thing since chopped liver. The way it actually is we both try hard, we both foul up from time to time and we are in it together for life.

Bet you dollars to doughnuts your boy sees you the same way.

There is a special place I go when I want quiet time to just sit and relax and not worry about stuff. It may sound strange but I bring Sonny with me. The thing is, he knows that this place and going to it is for me he probably senses the destressing and my expectation of him to be complacent.

Maybe give yourself some "me" time even if it's only for an hr or so.

Venting is good also.

Btw you boy sounds amazing.
 
#11 · (Edited)
German shepherd teenagers are alot of work they really are. I remember I couldn wait till the 1 year old mark but often look back and laugh. I think I never did pick up that shredded cold mountain jacket at the cleaners to get fixed. Now There will be moments I can't wait till we hit the two year old mark(but will I get bored) but then I think how many more years after 3 we have together and I become a mess- it's not to many. To soon he will be an old man- way to soon.
A surge of hormones,moments where they want to test what they can get away with. Moments they forget about their owners on the other end of the leash. There are times of we will be doing really good and then seem to be taking a step back. Times when Max will make me want to crawl under a rock. I ask myself why would I want to go through this again. I do really love these dogs I really do. I think through all this -such a strong bond is formed as you work hard at getting past the challenges. Some times it's good to take a step back and have some fun and when you just need a break.
 
#12 ·
It really does help to just take a few days off and just play and enjoy each other.It's refreshing for both dog and owner to relax and have a almost a "vacation".I second the opinion that Mako is an amazing boy.
 
#15 ·
-My dog really loves me.
-I really, really love him.
-I do tons of great things for & with him.
-I wish I could do more great things for him.
-I feel unfit to have my dog.

Hashtag: first world dog owner problems. :p


Like someone already said...unless you plan to have your dog do police work, compete in shows, become someone's seeing eye dog, herd for a farm, demonstrate for trainers...no dog is going to get to achieve their full potential. Your dog is your pet & companion before anything else. You're the one who works & makes the money--Mako doesn't need to work, he's got himself a sugga-momma! :D

Want to talk about not living up to potential? I have a Pointer mutt. In New Jersey. In the suburbs. I don't hunt, ever. He'd kick butt at tracking, agility, and water stuff (that one is due to his personality--loves water--combined with his physical prowess). But instead, he's about as happy as a dog could be, doing obedience stuff, random/mini agility stuff, swimming at the lake, and making all the un-/minimally trained goldens & labs he meets look useless. He'd be amazing if paired up with a sighthound in the field, but instead he has two cats & a Chihuahua mix as his roommates.
Very little of his life is typical of a Pointer's working porpuse. But he gets his hours of exercise, mental stimulation, a yummy raw diet, and gets to sleep near his favoritest hooman.

He could only be happier if I won the lottery...then he'd get to spend more time with me.
 
#16 ·
This site gives everything. It's easy to get lost in expectations. I wanted it all for my pup and while she was growing and learning it was great to think about what could be.

But then, here comes our daily lives and routine. The must's and can't come in against what we want and what we must do.

It was when I was trying to do everything right but failing that I came to a reality with my girl's fence aggression. I blew up, lowered the boom, was very aggressive, totally out of character.... and for gosh sake - it's the most successful lesson and has stuck with her out of any....

I don't know how to describe it. The transition that I had enough, but it transferred in that one moment. I also knew that my pup knew and the endless repetitions weren't working because she was wise to me. Well, now she knows - there's another side to me and I only brought it out a couple of times and her whole line of thinking changed. I got her attention, we are living our lives together and nothing else much matters. It is what it is and she doesn't screw with me anymore. We redirect and play and it's over.

IMO, at some point you have to let them know, when you're not in the mood or stressed.... lol - mine knows "Off Me' very well and respects it. This all came to be right around when she was your pups age with house manners/daily living.

Draw the lines, give the commands and don't physically punish them or bitch at them. A simple "Off Me" works and gives a clear line for them to adknowledge. It's OK to need time out:smile2:
 
#20 ·
Thank you for the responses everyone!!!

I hope you are right that this is just him being a dumb teenager. He is such a serious boy that sometimes I forget how young he is. I can't wait to see him at 3 - 4 years. He is going to be my super-dog.
 
#21 ·
I was a little frustrated with my puppy who is still very puppyish and not fully obedience trained. I mentioned it to our breeder who said He's a 10 month old baby, be patient. He will leave all the puppy behaviors behind and fall into line with firm handling.

I remember our first PB GSD as the "perfect" dog. Then my children remembered how upset I used to get and how excited I was to "outgrow" those terrible behaviors. No dog is perfect.
 
#26 ·
It's hard to even put my finger on what's "off" between us.

When we are both on our A game. It's amazing. Like a telepathic connection. I swear he responds to my thoughts not my words.
Please, vent away....no judgement here!

I swear it could have been me writing this whole post, but this part reminded me of my own struggles the most, so I'm going to focus on that part.

I realized a while back that Kane was an emotional mirror for me...but he doesn't have the entire human emotional spectrum to deal with, so my guilt = negative energy = his anxiety = chaotic behaviour. Frustration, anger, etc. are all the same to him and all equal an anxious, chaotic dog.

Chances are, when he's 'off', you are off. And that's okay! Don't force it; take time for your own life and happiness. It's kind of like a little kid who only wants his parents to be happy and that makes him happy.

As hard as it was to accept that I would not be able to give him the life I thought he deserved, I had to let go of the guilt. I needed to STOP obsessing about what I should be doing and let go. Easier said than done, I know.

Sure, alot of it is adolescence that he needs to grow out of. But even now he will be happier and calmer if you are happier and calmer. Play hard when you're playing but when it's time for him to behave, lay down the law and he either listens or doesn't get to interact....remove him from the situation guilt-free and enjoy some time for yourself...and wine works wonders, LOL.

Because you are a good, responsible dog-parent, you are allowed to create the life, boundaries and time YOU need for YOURSELF and he will thrive in that environment.

He's a mirror...when things are not going well, ask yourself what you are feeling and if it's negative just give yourself a time out. We might not be perfect, but we can still be happy.
 
#32 · (Edited)
I guess my question / point is do dogs really need a job or is what they need really is to use their natural abilities just being dogs (provided outlets for their natural drives)? It would seem to me that most venues take advantage of the dogs natural traits, so why does it have to be formal? I mean what is the real difference between a dog in woods tracking some unknown animal or the dog tracking a particular scent in a job / venue? (Job meant as in dog needs a job vs not in as a working SAR dog.) Yes, there is the obvious, the dog will track whatever we tell it to, when we tell it to, and how we want it to, on command, control, but my point is don't both provide for an outlet for a dog's drives? Isn't that why we give them jobs? If so, then do they really need a job or is it that what they need is the opportunity to be a dog?
I think just giving outlets for natural drives would work well for many dogs. Especially the more independent and active breeds, hounds and terriers, heck even many of the sporting breeds. I'm not so convinced it is the solution for many of the herding types/Breeds that were created to work very closely with their handlers.

With those breeds, I think their is a very strong and innate desire for teamwork with their people. A very strong and modified type of pack drive if you will.

I do give off leash hikes in the woods to my boy frequently. He runs around like a mad man the first 10 minutes, then he doesn't want to go more then a few yards away from me. He'll stop going after squirrels mid chase if it takes him outside of his "radius". Very handler attentive. I'm not entirely sure how much of that is nature vs nature. Though I suppose that if that type of behavior wasn't apart of his nature to begin with, no matter how much I nurtured it, it wouldn't be as reliable as it is. Chicken or egg dilemma.

I think the other difference is the accomplishment. Random tracking of critters in the woods is fun - but how often would they actually find their quarry? What's the end game for them? Structured training/jobs controls the environment and sets the dogs up to succeed. My guy seems pretty goal driven, with his nose work he wants his scented article bad. He visibly relaxes once he hits his mark. Some dogs are more about the chase, mine is all about the catch. It's easier for me to give him that with structured "jobs".
 
#34 ·
I think just giving outlets for natural drives would work well for many dogs. Especially the more independent and active breeds, hounds and terriers, heck even many of the sporting breeds. I'm not so convinced it is the solution for many of the herding types/Breeds that were created to work very closely with their handlers.

With those breeds, I think their is a very strong and innate desire for teamwork with their people. A very strong and modified type of pack drive if you will.

I do give off leash hikes in the woods to my boy frequently. He runs around like a mad man the first 10 minutes, then he doesn't want to go more then a few yards away from me. He'll stop going after squirrels mid chase if it takes him outside of his "radius". Very handler attentive. I'm not entirely sure how much of that is nature vs nature. Though I suppose that if that type of behavior wasn't apart of his nature to begin with, no matter how much I nurtured it, it wouldn't be as reliable as it is. Chicken or egg dilemma.

I think the other difference is the accomplishment. Random tracking of critters in the woods is fun - but how often would they actually find their quarry? What's the end game for them? Structured training/jobs controls the environment and sets the dogs up to succeed. My guy seems pretty goal driven, with his nose work he wants his scented article bad. He visibly relaxes once he hits his mark. Some dogs are more about the chase, mine is all about the catch. It's easier for me to give him that with structured "jobs".
Good point. I guess today with so many restrictions on dogs and where they can go and the quantity / quality of freedom, it would be hard to make fair and equal comparisons.
 
#38 ·
Tart,MAWL,voodoo,what excellent points you've made!I try my best to do activities that my dogs enjoy.All they really NEED to do for me is walk nicely when they're leashed and when they're not they need to come when I call them and have a solid leave it.
More formal activities and competitions are great if the dogs enjoy them.I have seen a few dogs at ob competitions that were clearly unhappy about the whole business and wonder what they would rather be doing.And if the owner even cares.
 
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#42 · (Edited)
I think dogs especially German shepherds and herding breeds enjoy doing things with their owner whether it be roaming the forest, swimming in the ocean doing some obedience, happy to go to work with their owners just to sit under a desk etc. If they are happy you are happy vice versa. As a owner you don't set them up to fail and try things that are their strengths and what they may like. If you are patient and your words are clear and the dog understands clearly what you want and happy to show you what they understand is good. Our little chihuahua enjoyed agility in our backyard so we decided to get formal lessons and my daughter and I took our chi to the agility trainer. He was not happy and clearly not having fun we tried a few times and my daughter knew he was not liking this so they stopped. No harm no foul they tried and it was not for him. I think you can see if your dog is not liking or enjoying what they are doing. Our chihuahua hates the beach - to each their own. Some dogs may not do well under the light pressure of structure some love it that would be for for the individual owner of the individual dog to figure that out. Growing up we had dogs that would roam the streets. Some did not bother you or some tried their charms to get a snack. Our neighbor had dogs with no structure rules what so ever and those dogs would try to atrack anybody walking down the street - Shirley, odie and Penelope (big dogs)would chase kids walking down the street to the bus stop on top of a car. They were warned many times until the town picked the dogs up to not be seen again. Growing up the dogs I always admired was the the asl German shepherd breeder who lived down the block - she would walk her beautiful dogs down the block they were always so well behaved and happy to say hi. Those were the dogs that stood out to me.
Max loves training. He would let me know if he did not. My son took a snap shot of us doing some light stuff- he is clearly happy.
 

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#50 ·
I'm sorry you are so tired. Hopefully when the non-puppy stuff gets better - the puppy stuff won't seem as bad. He sounds like the greatest dog in the world to me! :) I have never heard of a dog that can do such amazing things. He is a genius!!! You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. He clearly would never trade you for anyone on this earth. :)
 
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