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How to Tell Someone Not To Touch My Dog

7K views 61 replies 31 participants last post by  Hineni7 
#1 ·
Hello again! I have another question. So I'm sure you all read that Ronin (5.5 month old German Shepherd) was having problems with one particular kid in our area in another threat.. Thankfully, that has been resolved and so far no more issues. This time, my problem is this. I went to the pet store the other day, just Ronin and I, where there isn't a lot of people around all at once. Now, I was looking for a new bed for Ronin, and this couple with their 5 year old granddaughter came in. Ronin didn't do anything, just looked over and we kept going about our business. Well the grandmother oooh and ahhhed over Ronin. I was polite, said thank you, but could tell that the little girl was scared of Ronin, so I kept him away. Then the lady kept coming towards Ronin dragging the little girl, trying to get her to pet him. I told her, no that's okay, she's obviously not comfortable. The little girl was near tears, she was so upset. I told the lady again that I didn't want her to touch Ronin because she was scared, so I walked away. I went to pay, and the lady came up again with the little girl! Who was crying, almost sobbing, and forced her pet Ronin, even when I told her no and moved to pull Ronin away! The poor girl, is sobbing and Ronin is getting upset. I'm trying to pay for my stuff, and the woman's husband came up too. Ronin barked now, and the little girl was sobbing now. I just was at a loss on what to do. I told the lady, "Your little girl doesn't want to pet him, and I want you to step back because you're upsetting my dog." The lady finally stepped back, but she was angry with me, and one of the store employees was upset with me that my dog barked at someone. Thankfully, the owner of the store was there, who knows us and loves Ronin, and told his employee to leave us be. But I wasn't sure what to do when it comes to telling someone no they can't touch my dog. I walked away, but I couldn't leave the store because I was in the middle of paying, but I felt awful that the little girl was so scared and upset. Any suggestions or advice for if this ever happens again?
 
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#2 ·
That was hard to even read through. Really, I have never met anyone so insisting on making a kid pet a dog. Hopefully it never happens again, but I think you handled it just as you should have.
 
#42 ·
You'd be surprised. I remember running into someone on a walk who was weirdly insistent that their kid pet my dog. I had already put my dog in a sit when the parent asked "can he pet your dog," so I wasn't sure what else to do. She sat there, perfectly still, and the kid came up and patted her once. She was fine. I was a bit upset for the kid's sake, he should have been allowed to decline petting a dog if he wanted. I guess if the kid had been visibly freaked out like this little girl, instead of just timid, I'd probably have done like the OP did. I'm not sure. I wasn't sure how to handle what happened with my dog, but I knew I could trust her to just sit there, and I sensed the boy was just really unsure and not utterly terrified, so I went with it.
 
#3 · (Edited)
You are your dog's protector. I won't let strangers near my dogs unless I am positive it wil be a benefit to the dog, not to a child or a grandmother. My responsibility is to my dog, not to someone else's feelings. Just speak up in a loud firm voice. I say, I'm training my puppy and I need you to stay a distance away from him. If they are pushy, I say, he jumps and will scratch you if you get too close. If they persist, I walk away. You can get a jacket for the dog to wear that says Do not touch, or anything else you want it to say if you are afraid to speak up.

You did the right thing and that woman is an idiot. I have no patience for people like that. I have no problem telling someone they are screwing up a child if I am pretty sure they won't try to harm me. If I'm not sure, I just leave.
 
#4 ·
You can always use something like "My dog is in training, please don't come close and pet him. Thank you for understanding." Add a smile and go about your business.:)
There are definitely a lot of obnoxious and self-centered with low intelligence people. Myself being not confrontational, I really dislike situations like this. A normal and sane person would ask if it's ok to pet your dog and would understand what's going on even going by the poor child's reaction. In this case she was literally in her own little world with who knows what agenda on her mind. And if something was to happen (god forbid), you would be the one blamed.

We were on a walk the other day, and as we almost crossed the intersection, there was a kid (maybe around 10 y/o) behind us who was probably too in a hurry to cross it and ran up to us from behind. Of course my pup jumped slightly and his body stiffened a bit and we stepped aside. Then I stopped and told the kid to please not to run from behind of any dog because he may treat it as threat and may lunge at you. Be mindful and respect the boundaries, after all they are animals with large teeth whose primary responsibility is to protect their owner.

It's kind of sad that parents don't educate children and themselves on being around animals. Imho there should be mandatory seminars in schools for students AND their parents.

Yours and my stories though barely scratch the surface of the issue though.:(
 
#19 ·
Normally when we're out and about we have no issues. People stop and talk to me, but they ask me first if it's okay to pet him, and I always gauge how Ronin is reacting to them before saying yes. Usually I have no issue. I should add that when Ronin barked, it wasn't a mean bark, or a warning. It was just a normal bark, but his normal bark is very deep it can sound scary to a child. I couldn't believe her husband didn't step in and say something to her. She told me that the little girl had a boxer at home and that she was used to big dogs, but obviously not. I told the lady initially that boxers and shepherds aren't alike and that she didn't want to pet Ronin and not to make her before I had walked away. We have been avoiding too close of interactions with kids after the other incident, but thankfully Ronin was relatively calm when he saw her and just kept watching me. We have been working on that at home lot. And you're right, it should be mandatory to have people be educated on how to approach dogs. Some people are obviously missing a few classes.
 
#5 ·
A young dog like that should be petted by people. The right people. People the OP feels comfortable petting his dog. Wearing a vest on the dog, or telling people he is in training please do not pet him, I think gives the wrong message, and people will just avoid him and his dog.

I think it was better to name the issue as he did, "she looks afraid, it is better that she not pet the dog." It's not everyone, it is people with 4 out of control kids, or a kid that is jumping up and down and acting crazy, or a kid that rushes over and practically lands on your dog without stopping to ask that we don't want to pet our dog. We can use these as learning opportunities, but yeah, you have to be able to step in front of your dog, say, "STOP", or "NO" to the child and say, "You need to ask, if you want to pet someone's dog. And, then I can say, yes or no."
 
#6 ·
In the case of the original situation:

How about "Do Not Touch My Dog!:" "Do not make your child touch my dog!" "Get away from my dog!" "Leave us alone!" You can start out with "Please" in from of that but drop the please and get emphatic and insistent. Final option. Leave your purchases at the counter, leave the store with your dog. Put your dog up, come back, pay for the items and, if you like, chew the woman out but good. Tell her that her actions were unhelpful to your dog and her granddaughter/child.

There's a time to quit being nice about it.
 
#43 ·
While I agree totally with selzer on the "naming the issue" and pointing out the child seems afraid, this is cracking me up. A lot.

Bonus points if you can cry "on cue" and say you just came from the vet and he was diagnosed with Zika virus or something else terrifying and then they'll be all, "Oh shoot, dogs can get that too? I bet we can get it from dogs! I better stay back!"

(I kid. I promise.)
 
#8 ·
If taking him into stores like that is something you're just determined to do, take him in, move him around, but don't get stuck in line paying for something. Put him back in the car and come back in to buy whatever. Leave yourself able to control and manage the whole thing. Whether we like it or not, there's a certain perception of dogs in some public places. And I think there's some responsibility on us as owners to just accept people are going to want to pet your dog there. Its not so simple as its my dog, leave him alone. That may be your right, but sometimes you have to be a little flexible and live with what is generally done in these places.

In places of business like that, I don't think its out of line for people to think your dog should be a social, love everybody kind of dog. Thats become what most people expect, either social or not social. Nothing in between.
 
#9 ·
I rarely let people touch my dogs, but I do expect that in such places as pet stores and the veterinarians, that I am going to meet people who will want to interact with my dogs, kind of like a meeting of the like minded, (dog lovers), so those are the times where I do permit it.

If I were in that situation, I would have spoke kindly to the child and my dog, turned him around and presented his rump and allowed the child to pet his rump or tail. I have found the rear end approach calming to a child who may have trepidation petting such a large dog.
 
#10 ·
I agree that people shouldn't be faulted for thinking a dog in a pet store is ok to be petted. However, it is still up to us the owner to ok the interaction. And people should still ask. Will they? That is a whole other ball of wax. We can still decide no. Sometimes it isn't safe in the car for the dog, even for minutes. So, they have to be in while we are making our purchases. We can leave the line and wait for the people to go if necessary.

Again, I think the OP did fine. And this kind of relentless behavior is rare.
 
#11 ·
Thank you everyone for your replies. I really hope this never happens again and I'm sure that there were better ways for me to handle it. Being a new dog owner, I have to learn things as I go. I don't feel quite comfortable yet to leave Ronin in the car. We have a new bylaw that went into affect here a little while ago, and if someone sees a dog in a car, even on a non-hot day, and feels that dog is in danger, they can smash the windows of your car, take your animal out and take it to the SPCA. There have already been more than a few "good Samaritans" who have taken that too far and a simple act has turned into a criminal investigation. I never usually stay in a pet store long, just to get what I need and back out to the car. I thankfully know the owner and the majority of the staff at this store very well and they adore Ronin, so after the incident, the owner came out and asked if we were okay. I think he was afraid that I wouldn't come back. He commented that obviously Ronin wasn't happy and that was why he barked, and not to worry about it. I told him that I was just worried about the little girl. The grandmother kept saying that the girl had a boxer at home and was used to big dogs. I highly doubt it by her reaction. I'm just glad that Ronin didn't growl or anything. I did pull him away, but when someone is that persistent, then you never know what can happen.
 
#13 ·
Thank you everyone for your replies. I really hope this never happens again and I'm sure that there were better ways for me to handle it. Being a new dog owner, I have to learn things as I go. I don't feel quite comfortable yet
I'm quoting you up to that point because its a large part of why I answered the way I have to your posts. There's a lot of things you aren't quite sure about yet. Things a lot of us don't put any thought into anymore. I can move my dog or puppy through things without worrying about it, just because I've done it a lot.

If you have to go in and buy something and you aren't completely sure you can manage and control the whole thing, you'd be better off leaving him home. Its better then something happening you don't want and socializing Ronin doesn't have to be going into business's like that. His world doesn't have to include shopping. Put yourself in situations where you can relax a little, it'll be better for him too.
 
#14 ·
I assess each situation separately and make a quick decision based on what I see. My dog is exceptionally friendly and wants to greet people, but he's still young and he jumps and licks. I let him play with the neighbor kids, but a tiny child I don't know, nope, it's not going to happen until I get the jumping and face licking under control. We are working on that right now. My other dog was exposed to a lot of babies and toddlers as a young puppy, so I would let her greet a young child over an older one because I know she will be gentler with a baby. It's something she is used to and I trust her reactions. I don't trust the puppy completely yet because puppies are unpredictable.
 
#18 ·
in the case of what you describe: step in front of your dog and put a hand out to the woman. "Stop! Your crying child is upsetting the puppy. I don't want you to come any closer." You have to be assertive and I wouldn't, at that point, be afraid of saying "I don't know what your problem is lady but you need to back off"
 
#20 ·
I don't think its that you're making any mistakes. From everything you've said, I'd say you're being responsible and doing a good job with everything. There's just some things that some experience and trial and error gives you a little more of an idea on how to avoid certain things or how to control it because you know what they'll lead to. If you haven't seen it, you aren't always going to be so sure.

We had our first Rott at a dog show, probably 1995. We're sitting there talking to other owners and I notice a lady talking right next to me, I thought to herself. She was telling her 2yr old to reach in my dogs crate and pet him. You talk about luck. Out of 50 or so Rotts, she picked the one that was fine with that. He leaned his head in for her to scratch. With my second one, I always set his crate up with no access like that.
 
#21 ·
I just tell people that I don't trust that my dog is protective of me and will lunge at you if need be. So many people in my area are super persistent. For example, the other day, I was walking Apollo, a women came up to me and asked me to pet my dog, I politely said "Sorry, he's in training right now so maybe at a later date". She persisted to try and pet him, so I stepped in front of Apollo. After I did that, she claimed to be a "dog expert" and it's ok if she pets him. She continued to try step around me, when she did this, Apollo growled and lunged at her. When he did this she screamed in terror "You need to get your dog under control, take him to a trainer"! (Apollo is 6 months old by the way). I get so upset at people like this, so many of this kind in my area. My advice is, if they don't stop after you say no, walk away.
 
#22 ·
I use to feel bad telling people not to pet my dog but over time & having to deal with so many people that just "don't get it", I tend to start off assertive from the very beginning. I have a Service Dog with a bright orange vest with a visible sign that says "Do Not Pet" & I still have people (adults even) that just come at him, trying to pet him. If I have time & there are not many people around, I will try to educate people if they ask to pet him & I will allow them to pet him, but if they just try to swoop in, without asking, they get an earful from me. 1 time I did feel pretty bad when a lady asked me (after about 5 other people asked me) "What is he for?" & I replied that he is for a medical condition and if she didn't mind, I'd rather not share all my private medical issues with a complete stranger!!! I truly lost my cool on that 1. I try to be a good ambassador, but it's really hard sometimes. I can't stand it when I stand in line someplace & people will start calling to him & make smoochie noises. I just glare at them & say, you know, it's considered really rude to try to distract a service dog when he is working. & I say it loud enough for everyone around to hear. Then, every so rarely, you have the polite parents telling their children that it is a service dog & they are not to bother him. I always go out of my way to be nice to those people.

So, even having a bold, reflective, sign on your dog, saying not to pet, doesn't keep people away. Always do right by your dog, even if it means hurting someone's feelings a little.
 
#24 ·
I did feel pretty bad when a lady asked me (after about 5 other people asked me) "What is he for?" & I replied that he is for a medical condition and if she didn't mind, I'd rather not share all my private medical issues with a complete stranger!!! I truly lost my cool on that 1.

So, even having a bold, reflective, sign on your dog, saying not to pet, doesn't keep people away. Always do right by your dog, even if it means hurting someone's feelings a little.
I might have been someone who asks, "what is he trained for", not to be nosy but for conversations sake. I don't think anyone really wants the nitty gritty details.
And even though I know better there seems to be an instinct to want to pat a friendly dog or at least make some sort of contact with it. I have to purposely tell myself NO.
I bet having to deal with this issue day in and day out is indeed annoying.
 
#23 ·
Wow, that is majorly insistent of that woman. I would not have engaged in a conversation. Just would say, "Thank you, but he is in training." Then walk away and make sure you avoid her when she shows up around the next isle or leave the store.
A friend of ours cannot stop petting my dog but after I found out that he is highly allergic to poison oak, I told him that she runs through our property that is filled with it and quite possibly carries the itching oil on her coat. That did help 100%.
 
#25 ·
I'm going to practice being more assertive. I will definitely take the "Sorry my dog is in training right now" line for sure! He's doing very well when being in public to be calm and stay right with me, but it's not 100% so I don't trust him fully just yet. I will not let anyone touch my dog without asking. Thank you everyone for being so helpful! I hope all my questions aren't annoying everyone, but I'm someone who likes to learn, and I would rather ask and get the right answer the first time. :)
 
#26 ·
I felt awful that the little girl was so scared and upset. Any suggestions or advice for if this ever happens again?
Interestingly people want to pat my big furry two year old and want to avoid my bouncy stock coat 7 month old.

In cases like this I focus attention on the dog and the child. I get down on a knee and get near the dog's head and speak directly to the child. I glance up at the parent who usually is paying close attention.

I tell the child that it is OK, my dog is on a leash. I tell the child that if they want to touch my dog it would be best to touch gently on the shoulder, (away from that big scary mouth). If the child still pulls away I tell them that it is all right. It is ok to want to be careful. Then I smile at the parent and say "Good Day" finish my business and walk away.

So far that has worked for me. Having been a teacher for a long time I can usually "read" children. Most parents respond to this approach. Once you get in the car, then you can mumble under your breath, "sheesh, I hope that mom gets a clue"
 
#27 ·
I'm not great at reading kid yet, because I don't have any and I'm not around them as much. But I want to make sure that I'm careful around them with Ronin being so young. I usually, when I give permission, hold Ronin by the leash close to his collar and turn him slightly so they aren't going at him straight on. Usually, before they even reach him, he turns his head and licks their hand first then lets them pet him. He doesn't seem nervous around them at all in that situation. Once they pet him a couple of times, then they walk away and Ronin just watches them and gets a treat for being good.
 
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#28 · (Edited)
I use the "he's in training" a lot especially when the person is close and I will do a body repositioning so they can't reach.

There was one guy dragging his young daughter to reach us, Walking quickly and crossing the road didn't help. He was still coming at us. I hadn't said a word to him yet. Was trying to avoid it. He was obviously bound and determined so I turned and with my hand held up said " Do Not Approach". It stopped him cold.

Sometimes with some people the use of words they always hears like no or don't just doesn't register. Approach is a word some may have to think about. Plus it infers that something negative could happen without having to state that your (not you speciffically just in general) dog may jump growl etc.
 
#29 ·
Kids do very inexpected things like screaming, jumping, running, hitting, for no good reason. I see no reason to subject my dogs to unreasonable behavior in kids. So if a kid comes running up to me wanting to pet my dogs I say "NO Thanks" and keep on moving. Has worked for me so far.
 
#30 · (Edited)
Everytime I said my dog was in training they will always ask for what really excited. I just say I'm teaching him to ignore people if there is a situation I'm not comfortable with. if they persists further because he jumps on people and just keep moving. Learning to be more assertive was a goal of mine as well. I have found that some people don't want to just pet they may really get in the dogs face or try to play some people are a bit whacky and very forward so be prepared.
 
#31 ·
We had one lady actually squeal at us as we were walking out of the park one day and Ronin hated the sound, and he just tried to get away faster. We were heading for the car, and the lady followed us. I finally turned around and asked if I could help her, while keeping myself between Ronin and her, and she just said how she loved German Shepherds and wanted to pet him. I told her that he was tired and we had to head home. Thankfully she just kept walking, but still. People are just weird when it comes to dogs.
 
#32 · (Edited)
Yes I had someone try to wrestle with my dog that we never met. He held it together but i was really leary of anyone petting him after that. One very young kid attach themselves to my dog hips without permission did not even see him coming. I had a ball in my pocket that fell out of my pocket rolled 20 inches in front of me and someone ran to get pick it up -before I can say I got it -and eye level with my dogs face and two inchs away. Someone walking by just stuck there hand in front of my dogs face and actually stold a pet. He has been very good in all these scenarios. There had been one of two people I see he is very suspicious of we -stay far away from them. You learn as you go.
 
#33 ·
To limit the risk of your dog biting during something like that I "idiot-proof" my pups/dogs since you at some point you will encounter an idiot/ "person who doesn't know dog behavior" :). I once raised a Pit mix litter for the shelter and as soon as the pups could stand I gently pulled their ears and tails, hugged them, squeezed a little bit for not even a minute every day. I kept one of these pups. When he was about three years old someone (non of us knew her) saw him "Oh, I loooooooooove your dog!", knelt next to him and gave him a full hug. The dog was a trooper and put up with it but I did intervene asap. This "incident" happened out of the blue in a flash of a second. I knew then how crucial idiot-proofing was. It paid off big time or he could have been on the 6.00 o'clock news that evening.
 
#44 ·
I completely understand why people decide to never let strangers pat their dogs. I really do.
But we knew our dog, with his long fluffy coat and great looks, would be a "can we pat him" magnet. So we taught him that it was ok to get close to people and accept a calm pat. And we are glad we did when a two year old got loose of his mom's hand, rushed over to our dog and hugged him. Patton accepted the hug with grace.

But his is less tolerant of crazy. Probably because he can sense we aren't sure about the other person either.
:wink2:
 
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