Passed up the chance...

[GSDolch]

This is the way that I look at things like this.

My oldest is almost 16. My house is NOT a dictatorship. Yes, my husband and I are the adults, however, my children live here also, and they DO put in as much work into making this a home as we do. In the end, the last line of decisions are me and my husband, but I think its very mean to never take the childs feelings into considerations, especially if they are helping out more than is expected, putting stuff off (like going to college) to help out with things that aren't technically on their shoulders, etc etc.

I understand the feelings, I've had the same ones you are talking about, but I also stop and think...what does this teach my kids? By taking the "its ALWAYS MY WAY" attitude, I feel it teaches them to be selfish and inconsiderate when I want to SHOW them to not be. So, there are times I chuck my own wants (not needs, wants) because of the message I want to teach my children. Especially if I have made them a promise. Do I really want to teach them that its OK to break a promise because I can't put aside my feelings for a want.

I hope my meaning is getting across, I'm not saying that I'm not the parent, but I see nothing wrong with making sure they are taken into consideration when making a choice. I also know how frustrating that can be at times too.

[gsdsar]

Oops sorry!!


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[llombardo]

Originally Posted by GSDolch

This is the way that I look at things like this.

My oldest is almost 16. My house is NOT a dictatorship. Yes, my husband and I are the adults, however, my children live here also, and they DO put in as much work into making this a home as we do. In the end, the last line of decisions are me and my husband, but I think its very mean to never take the childs feelings into considerations, especially if they are helping out more than is expected, putting stuff off (like going to college) to help out with things that aren't technically on their shoulders, etc etc.

I understand the feelings, I've had the same ones you are talking about, but I also stop and think...what does this teach my kids? By taking the "its ALWAYS MY WAY" attitude, I feel it teaches them to be selfish and inconsiderate when I want to SHOW them to not be. So, there are times I chuck my own wants (not needs, wants) because of the message I want to teach my children. Especially if I have made them a promise. Do I really want to teach them that its OK to break a promise because I can't put aside my feelings for a want.

I hope my meaning is getting across, I'm not saying that I'm not the parent, but I see nothing wrong with making sure they are taken into consideration when making a choice. I also know how frustrating that can be at times too.

This makes me feel so much better. I don't want people to think that he gets his way and I don't stand my ground. If I didn't stand my ground he wouldn't have turned out as great as he did. He definitely is not selfish and he is always helping out in one way or another, so I'm glad that I took his thoughts into consideration. We'll get our puppy later in the year and he is okay with that, because we will be in a house and he can start thinking about his life...that makes me want to cry, but you have to let go eventually

[Sunflowers]

You did the right thing.

He sounds like a good kid.

[PupperLove]

I don't think you came across as being a pushover, llombardo Getting a dog is a big responsibility as we all know, and if your son is going to be a big part of the dog's life, then it is best to get a dog you both want. Especially if you feel strongly that he deserves to be able to make the 'pick,' you didn't do the wrong thing. I'm excited to see the dog you both eventually decide to get! I'm getting a pup probably next year sometime, too. Having your heart set on something and then eventually actually getting it is very special!

[GSDolch]

Originally Posted by llombardo

This makes me feel so much better. I don't want people to think that he gets his way and I don't stand my ground. If I didn't stand my ground he wouldn't have turned out as great as he did. He definitely is not selfish and he is always helping out in one way or another, so I'm glad that I took his thoughts into consideration. We'll get our puppy later in the year and he is okay with that, because we will be in a house and he can start thinking about his life...that makes me want to cry, but you have to let go eventually

Mine already has plans to move out after she graduates to go to school on the other side of the state. She just got her permit and is picking up on driving fast, after just a few weeks, she doesn't need me to constantly show her the ropes....... I feel your pain

[lorihd@comcast.net]

good lord momma llombardo, 3 dogs and bunch of cats, and a single mom to boot, id say you have enough on your plate already!!!!!!!!! the dog in the picture is beautiful, but do you and your son really need another furbaby????????? and i complain about 1 dog, 3 birds and chickens, well i guess i wont compain anymore, lol

[codmaster]

Originally Posted by llombardo

I'm a mom, but I have been a mom and dad his whole life, so I'll take that

Sounds like you have done a GREAT job with your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[carmspack]

I am agreeing with " 3 dogs and bunch of cats, and a single mom to boot, id say you have enough on your plate already!!!!!!!!! the dog in the picture is beautiful, but do you and your son really need another furbaby????????? "

If you already have so much to deal with that your son has to releave you of some of the work load or lack of time --- then that shows that you are already taxed to the max with what you have and the question to bringing in another "one" may be the straw that broke the camel's back . You said "my son has gone above and beyond to help me with the 3 we have. " and that he has "but he has put off going away to college so that he can come home to let the dogs out we already have"

It is so important that your son get on with his education !!!

[GSDolch]

You know, personally, I don't believe there is really all that much information for people to be jumping to conclusions about what she can and can't have.

Just because this is the situation that works for THEM, doesn't mean that another situation wont work just as well. This is just what they have decided to do at this point in their lives.

There isn't near enough information to be making personal comments about what can and can't be handled by them. I find that extremely rude and nosy.