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Old 02-20-2014, 02:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Thank you for your help!

[New thread, so I can insure all of you will see it]

You guys (and gals) are great. Ax and I are slowly working the issues. He wrote a bit explaining his feelings, which I read. And I had him read our thread. It eased a lot in Ax's mind.

He's agreed to work with our situation. He is still mildly (ha, I'll say very! lol) unhappy about having to adapt himself to the dog. However, he will give for our relationship.

I feel Ax and I have finally hit the heart of the problem last night: Ax is Hispanic originally from Mexico, been here 10 years, but grew up in an Mexican culture; I'm an American, military brat, grew up on military bases in American culture. The social order when it comes to pets are different to an extreme! In Mexico, pets are an after thought; dogs are kept in the yard, not allowed in the house, and always kept at a distance from the family in general.

To them, in relationships, pets aren't part of the package: if a pet is a problem in the relationship, they get rid of the pet. Ax had a very hard time even grasping the concept people, here in the US, would ever think about accepting the pet over their new partner.

I've explained to Ax I have made a commitment to Sampson, and I plan to keep it: Sampson will be with me till the day he dies; he's part of the package...

That did hurt him emotionally, but he's a strong guy; we are working through it.

It's a cultural difference now. And I'm treating it as such. I love these! I thrive on cultural idiosyncrasies.
(Although, it's normally _me_ adapting. lol)

We've agreed to changed the way we work with Sampson. Last night, I went out and got a new walking harness, tug rope, kong, and kong cheese filler. We both agree to take a positive training approach with Sampson. Ax will watch the Training Positive videos (he watched one, partially, and really like it).

In a way, this blow up was the best thing to happen to us. It is unfortunate it took such a dramatic outburst, but it's allowed us to openly communicate with each other, and finally get to the real root of a number of issues.

Thanks again for all your advice and our discussion! The back and forth we had provided a great intellectual flow for Ax to follow.

(* Reference thread: 4yr GSD snapping at my partner. Need immediate help! )


PS: And any advice in dealing with the cultural difference would be most appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 02-20-2014, 03:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I am so glad to hear. Please tell your partner it takes a strong person to admit to their feelings and make some changes. My ex is also hispanic and in the beginning he also believed dogs should be outside. thats the way his family was with dogs. My dogs have never been outside dogs and never will. thats just my rules. He came to love our dog and saw that inside dogs were much more enjoyable. If I need someone to babysit my 3 dogs, I can leave them with my ex at anytime. He even has a doggie door made just for them.
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Old 02-20-2014, 03:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Really happy you are going the positive training way it sounds like the absolute best thing for your boy and your man lol
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Old 02-20-2014, 04:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guice View Post
[New thread, so I can insure all of you will see it]

You guys (and gals) are great. Ax and I are slowly working the issues. He wrote a bit explaining his feelings, which I read. And I had him read our thread. It eased a lot in Ax's mind.
Opps my bad! Great news! Keep us updated!
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Old 02-20-2014, 06:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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PS: And any advice in dealing with the cultural difference would be most appreciated. Thanks.

Have him read some Cesar Millan...he describes exactly what you are going through....Millan describes his growing up in Mexico and the status which dogs held.....Ax reinforces exactly what Millan states. However, once Millan came to America he was amazed at the cultural differences regarding the treatment of dogs. I also believe Millan details other cultural differences which are somewhat related to the mentality Americans have towards their pets. Ever since reading Millan's story, I have come to appreciate the differences when an individual from a different culture relocates and then has to process the cultural differences in the new land in which they live. For example take an American from the heartland and relocate them to India....let's see what they think about the sacredness of a cow, much less watching them wander where they choose...including public places.
I am not suggesting what is right or wrong but I might be inclined to take this old adage to heart..." When in Rome, do as the Romans do".....


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Old 02-20-2014, 07:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Have him read some Cesar Millan...he describes exactly what you are going through....Millan describes his growing up in Mexico and the status which dogs held.....Ax reinforces exactly what Millan states.
I would LOVE to find some of these talks comparing American to Mexican cultures. I'm searching, but his site is so commercial, I can't find any advice columns for Mexicans immigrating to the US culture. Any tips are what keywords to hit?

This information is exactly what I need; a compare and contrast between the two. And coming from a Mexican immigrated is even better! It'll hit closer to home for Ax (even more so if they're from Monterrey. ).

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I am not suggesting what is right or wrong but I might be inclined to take this old adage to heart..." When in Rome, do as the Romans do".....
That's my favorite part about multi-cultures. There is no right or wrong. It's defined by the society you current live within. In Mexico, they don't pay mind to their pets. In the US, pets are seen as a member of the family. In China, they're eaten on the next course.
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Old 02-20-2014, 07:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by guice View Post


That's my favorite part about multi-cultures. There is no right or wrong. It's defined by the society you current live within. In Mexico, they don't pay mind to their pets. In the US, pets are seen as a member of the family. In China, they're eaten on the next course.
Lol, my significant other is Chinese and his family is always really really surprised how well we take care of our dog. They leave theirs outside and seem to think its crazy that I always hope mine would sleep in my bed
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Old 02-20-2014, 07:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I would LOVE to find some of these talks comparing American to Mexican cultures. I'm searching, but his site is so commercial, I can't find any advice columns for Mexicans immigrating to the US culture. Any tips are what keywords to hit?


Wish I could help but the content of what I was describing was in the beginning of one of his books.

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Old 02-20-2014, 11:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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There is a fascinating article about Cesar Milan in Malcolm Gladwell's book :"What The Dog Saw"

In fact the chapter explains exactly what Cesar had to understand before he could successfully train dogs and -more significantly- owners.

You can get it for a few bucks on Amazon.

Luck with you and your boyfriend.

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