Hard decisions.... down to 2 dogs? (Right direction or being unfair?)

[TrickyShepherd]

Sorry for this being so long... but I really need some direction and maybe just to vent a bit.

This has been on my mind for about 10 months now, and I'm not sure if my thoughts bring up the best action... or maybe are completely unfair to those involved. My mind has been at war.... I think it's time to make a decision and whatever is best needs to happen.

So as many of you know, I got Zira a week after Easter 2011. We rescued her from a horrible situation. It cost a lot of money, the police, a lawyer... the whole 9 yards. We were sitting nice financially at the time and didn't mind helping the pup out. She was supposed to be rehomed and my SO and I were to go ahead with our plan to find a breeder for my first Schutzhund sporting dog (we were just about to put a down payment on a litter). Well... a week after getting her into our home and getting some weight on her, we noticed issues. We ended up in a terrible battle with SIBO, bad hips, anxieties and intense fears. I had about 5 vets tell me I should put her to sleep and that she wouldn't see her 1st birthday. I took that as a challenge, as I saw a lot more in this dogs eyes. Finding her a home was put to the side as I did not feel comfortable with anyone else taking her. I felt as if she wouldn't be given the chance and wouldn't get 100% of the care she needed.

So.. long story short.. we kept her here.

Now lets push forward to the present times. It's been a long 2 years with her. Health wise... she's doing fantastic! I manage her SIBO with a good diet, and supplements. She's a healthy 74lbs, and even though she's got bad hips... she's a very active dog. Mentally though.... she's gotten much worse.

She's the worst case of poor nerves I've seen in a long time. She does nothing but bark and growl all day unless she has a bone in her mouth or another dog is actively playing with her. She just runs around the house in pure fear... walking low to the ground, shaking, growling and barking, etc. She wont lay down for more then 1 second before she's up pacing again. This will go on for hours.

I've done everything from working her mind, keeping her busy, working her to make her tired, bike rides around the neighborhood, hiking, setting up some treats in the house, kong with treats, dental care bones that she loves, bark collar, E-collar, keeping her out of her crate 100% of the day other then work and sleep, keeping her in her crate and only out when I can keep her 100% active and watching me or the other dogs. I've tried almost every idea I can find.

I thought it was hopeless, and I'd have to drug her. That's never my first choice, but... what quality of life is she having?! She's always nervous, she's always afraid of something... Even when there's NOTHING around. She's not aggressive when she's fearful, but she's impossible to get through to. And to make matters worse... this is causing a LOT of problems within the house. Duke is VERY sensitive. He reads off others emotions very very quickly... this includes other dogs and people. So when she gets all paranoid pacing my house, barking and shaking.... he hides under my feet and literally trips me. If I tell him to stop or to back up.... he goes and piddles all over my floor and on me. If he's not under me... he's hiding from her in a corner of the house. He will RUN from her if she finds him! He just can't take her neurotic changes. When she's not here, or in her kennel.... He's perfectly fine. He doesn't do this with any other dog. Once she comes out of it, they play wonderfully.

This also starts fights with the puppy. They got along perfect for a long time. Storm STILL wants to play with Zira like they used to. Storm really likes Zira. They will be great for a bit, and the same thing happens with Storm too... Zira switches to psycho mode. However, Zira at this point gets REALLY nasty with Storm... and Storm, not being a submissive female doesn't take that nonsense. She goes back. Now I have to crate and rotate. Which I was prepared for with owning two females. But, it's just one more thing to ice the cake with.

The whole "pack" stability goes nuts once Zira switches over. It's perfect here when she's normal... but unfortunately, that's the small percentage of our day.

Now, recently, my SO and I went out of town for a weekend. Duke and Storm stayed with a friend, and Zira stayed with my mother and grandmother. During Zira's stay, I was so worried that she would be way too difficult for my mother and grandmother (who are very small females like I am), and I was expecting to get a phone call. I didn't want to leave her with them, but we didn't have a choice. Two things happened during this time:

We picked up Duke and Storm first since my friend had plans. Zira stayed with my mother another 3 days. Duke and Storm were perfectly behaved, we had NO nervous breakdowns from Duke... not a single problem. Everyone seemed relaxed and peaceful. The house was MUCH less stressed. She came home... it went straight back to where it was.

Then during our time away and when we picked Zira up... my mother and grandmother couldn't tell me enough how amazing Zira was for them. She didn't give them a single issue... her fear spells were not really anything terrible. They were able to walk her around the backyard and never had a single dramatic breakdown because of the sun. They loved her. She never had to go in her crate except for at night to sleep. She didn't get aggressive with their old golden retriever or the chihuahua. She was very happy there. She goes to visit every once in a while for a night or so, and she does pretty well. None of the stays though have been very long... so I'm not sure if this will change if she was to stay for a longer period of time.

So here's what I've been contemplating.... either 1: Zira does need to be drugged. Her quality of life can not be too spectacular when she goes nuts. I can barely do anything with her these days. She's too nervous... even in our own home. Or 2: She needs to go live with my mother. Both my grandmother and mother want her. They adore her. My SO and I have literally been begged for them to have her! Money is short for them, so I would still have to financially support her... but they would gladly take her.

#2 is my pick. Not that I don't love the dog, but she's not happy... and honestly, I'm out of "fixes". Something is not ticking right in her head and maybe somewhere where she is the princess and gets almost 100% of the attention from two older woman would be best. However, my SO is NOT happy about this idea. She is mostly his dog and he doesn't see her issues like I do. He's not a huge dog person and for the most part, I deal with everything. If the dog acts up, I'm the one to handle them, if a dog has medical issues... I am the one to medicate and monitor. It's not his passion. He also has a much busier schedule then I do. So he really doesn't spend as much time with them. In his mind, Zira is really just fine and I'm exaggerating. He doesn't hear the growing and barking all day.... or the fearful pacing, or the changes in the other two. I do... and I've been holding my tongue back for many months now. But I'm finally at the end of my ideas, and the problems within the pack are causing stress for all the dogs now. IF this will make her happy and NOT have to be drugged.... I will gladly do it and still financially support her. I'm not looking to do this to add another dog, or "get rid of the problem dog" or anything like that. I just can't come to drugging the dog... and no behaviorist, trainer, vet, or anyone else can figure her out. I think this is the last option I'm comfortable with.

If it works... it'll be the best for not just Zira, but also my mother and grandmother. Their area is having a few crime issues, and my mother had a death threat at work.... having a good alert dog to be a deterrent would definitely make us all feel better. Plus they love the dog, and are always SOOO happy when she's staying with them. And this goes for the dog too.... I've never seen her so happy and less stressed. She's not 100% normal there, but she's much better then she is here.

How to make this decision though... I feel like this would be giving up on her... or handing my issues over to someone else. I've never been one to do this. I can't help but feel this is best though. The other problem is.... getting my SO to agree. Right now, the conversation always goes into an argument. I'm not sure what to do... well, I am... but at the same time, I'm not.

If I do what's best for the dog.... I'm going to end up upsetting my SO, and causing some issues. Plus, we will definitely miss her. It's not that we don't love the dog.

If I do what's best for my SO and keeping the pain away...... The dogs are going to suffer. The other two will continue having issues with pack stability, and Zira will continue to be a nervous wreck and possibly drugged.

I don't want to have issues with my SO or give up my dog, but at the same time I HAVE to follow my heart and do what's best for the dogs. They can't fix it themselves, and they also can't control what happens with their life. I need to speak for them.

[Sunflowers]

I think you already know the answer, and it is the right one.

[Jax08]

I would, without hesitation, go for #2 and see how it goes. She may still have to be on some anti anxiety meds but obviously her fears and stress are far less at your mothers.

[Lauri & The Gang]

Send her to Mom and Grandma and, if you haven't already tried one, get her a Thunder shirt. Works for more than just fear of thunder.

[RocketDog]

Originally Posted by TrickyShepherd

She's not 100% normal there, but she's much better then she is here.

This is your answer, right here.

[Shade]

Why not do a trial run, anywhere up to three months and see how it goes

If both households are happy at the end of the trial period then that's your answer

[GatorBytes]

Ashawagandha for adrenal burn out (stress hormones) in lieu of drugs

Short term or immediate - melatonin

Can also use St. Johns wort

and Magnesium is important too - 100mg /day

[Zeeva]

I'm 100% for #2. SO means a lot to us cuz he means a lot to you, but things can be sorted out with the SO. As for the dog, you're in charge for her well being and if she's happier somewhere else then that's where she should be c:

[doggiedad]

your mother and your grandmother want the dog.
the dog is happy at their place. your dogs will be happy,
you'll be happy knowing the dogs are happy and your SO
is happy. i think it works out for all if you give the dog to
your mother and grandmother.

[JakodaCD OA]

I am also for #2..I would NOT think of this as a failure! It sounds like it would be GREAT for Zira and your situation. You'd know where she was, and could always keep tabs on her..I say go for it