Q's about a grieving dog & a couple of nice pics

[demonx]

I had two GSD's, Tara and Jacques. Both are brother and sister from the same litter, five and a half years old.

Two days ago Tara collapsed and I rushed her to the asfter hours emergency vet only to have her pass away just after arrival. The vet says that something in the center of her brain caused a complete muscle failure and she stopped breathing. The vette resussitated her three times but after that it was all over. The scared look in Tara's eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life. She was my best friend and my shadow. She was apart of my soul and I have never loved anyone so much.

Jacques, her brother has spent his lifetime by her side. For the last two days he's been laying at the front window waiting for her to come home. He's depressed and lonely.

In between our own sessions of balling our eyes out in hysteric mysery my partner and I have done everything we can think of to help Jacques but we're falling short of the mark. Today we played ball with him, took him for two car rides, long walks and constant cuddles and attention as we're both now on holidays - but - in the time we're not smothering him he just lays at the window waiting for Tara to come home. Head on the sill with a sad look on his face. I'm pretty sure I've even heard little whimpers at times.

What else can we do? How can we help Jacques cope without his longterm companion - I'm having enough trouble dealing with it myself and I really don't know what to do. I'm having a breakdown myself but I want Jacques to be my top priority right now.

Thanks in advance. Heres a couple of pics, Tara is the one looking up.

[Riley's Mom]

Ohmahgosh, they are GORGEOUS and I'm so sorry for what happened to Tara. That is sooooooo sad. These 2 look a lot like my Riley.

I can see me doing the same thing you are doing. But just like humans, dogs need to grieve, too. You need to let him go through it so he can come out ok on the other end. All the things you're doing for him are really for you. That's a human thing, we can't stand to see people we love or pets we love depressed and we want to help. Jaques has no idea he's going for a car ride, playing ball or whatever BECAUSE you are trying to make him feel better. He just knows he's playing ball and going for a car ride, he isn't capable of putting the two actions together as one meaning something for the other.

I would suggest *not* getting a second dog at this point in an effort to fill the void for either you or Jaques. Wait at least six months before considering that. You all need time to heal and putting a new dog into a situation like this is not good for the new dog in particular. He/she needs to come into an emotionally healthy atmosphere, not one of gloom and doom and to be compared to the one that's gone. If you give yourselves some time to heal, there's less likely a chance for this to happen.

[SuzyE]

there is no designated time period you need yo wait to do anything. I am very sorry for your tremendous loss. I lost a dog suddenly as well and it nearly killed me. With that being said, I went two weeks later and adopted travis from the shelter. Our house went from being like a morgue back to a fun puppy house again. I recall my friend kept saying "6 months 6 months" and I said "that's your schedule, not mine" I had no idea that a year later I would lose my middle dog to cancer and I cannot tell you how many times I have been thankful that I got Travis. My GSD has had a dog sibling her whole life and when Jazmin died of cancer my GSD, Paige, and Travis got real close.
I would give yourselves as much time as YOU need, could be a week or a year but I guarantee you that your dog would love to have a sister again.

[Alto]

So sorry you're all going through this
It's likely too late now, but if you can bring Tara home for Jacques to see & sniff, this sometimes helps them understand that the missing dog is truly gone Jacques would still grieve the loss of Tara but he might be less expectant of her return.

Some dogs are ready for a new companion very quickly, others take longer to warm up to the new girl/guy - if you feel you want to bring another dog home soon, I would (some people wait days, other months or even years before bringing home a new companion); I'd look for a female young dog or pup.

Keep on doing extra walks & play time, do a training class with Jacques to help distract him & yourselves ...

[Crabtree]

Tara is absolutely beautiful. What soulful eyes.
both of your puppers are beautiful.
When I lost Palla, Larka laid by her grave for three days, never ate. I would cry all the time and I know that my being unhappy only caused her more grief.
There is nothing I can say that can make the hurt go away for you. It's been 3 years and I still have moments of sadness for my girl.

Seeing you so unhappy only helps to confuse and depress Jacques more. Yes, he will miss his companion but he will recover quicker then you.

The best thing I can suggest is to celebrate the time you have with Jacques. Take him were you can and enjoy his company.

I know that you keep reviewing the last few minutes of Taras life and the confusion and fright in her eyes. Please, remember these dogs love with there whole soul, part of the fear might have been from knowing that you were so desperately upset and she was worried about you.

She is no longer in pain. She loved you and showed you that love with every fiber of her being. Even to the last breath. Hold on to that and remember, her. But don't remember her as being scared, she wouldn't want you to feel that way. Remember her for the love that she showed and brought in to your life. Remember the good times.
I heard this peom years ago on a show called Little house on the Prairie. I think it is fitting for how these dogs are.

"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you. If you can only remember with tears, then don't remember me at all."

Tara will be waiting for Jacques at the bridge. My heart goes out to your family at this sad time.

[BowWowMeow]

I'm very sorry for your loss. As others have mentioned, grief takes time in both humans and dogs. Some dogs (like my Chama who lost both of her pack mates in less than a year) have a much harder time getting over it than others. She benefited from adopting another dog but she never did quite get over those losses.

For supportive care you can try the homeopathic remedy Ignatia or one of several Bach Flower essences. You can find more info here: http://www.natural-dog-health-remedi...n-in-dogs.html

The above really do work, I encourage you to try them. Take good care of yourselves too--you may also want to try some of those remedies.

[HeidiW]

I am so very sorry, was he able to see her dead body and see she had passed away. They know death and there are some people on her including myself that allowed the living dog to smell the passed away dog, so they know there not coming back. I think it helps alittle so they know. Probably the extra love and attention is what he needs right now. Take care!

[middleofnowhere]

What a shock. I am so sorry.

Here're my ideas -

Dogs don't need to see the other one dead to know that they have died.
It might help 'though if you were to tell him that she died and won't be coming back.
It will also help if you avoid the "Poor Jacques" or the sad voiced "we are so sorry" type expressions. Much like comforting them when they are upset, I suspect this just encourages their dejection.

So far as getting another dog - when her senior buddy died, Barker the Elder insisted that I get another. She was going to drive me batty otherwise. Personally, sometimes I get another dog soon, other times I wait. When I am down to zero in the dog department, I cannot stand it and I get another as soon as I can. (Well, OK this time I was willing to wait 6 months for the right pup but I would have added an older dog before then if the pup hadn't been available sooner.) Some people wait years (this wouldn't work for me). I'm more of the get another dog now! sort. The new dog isn't a replacement but it is an heir. I can think of no higher honor to the deceased than getting another dog.

[London's Mom]

I am so so sorry about your loss. I, too, lost my Minerva (14 years old) on January 2, 2009. My other dog, Lugar, just gave up after she was gone. He passed away at 12 years old on February 24, 2009. I felt as though my life was over without those two. I was told by many to wait 6 months. I couldn't do it. My house was WAY to lonely, empty, vacant. So in one month I adopted London (8 weeks) and boy, was my house rocking again. And several months after that (when I had London fairly trained) I adopted Olina.

I will always miss Minerva and Lugar ( I still cry when I drive by the vet's office where I had to put Minerva down) but I have two new dogs that I adore as much. I think that waiting or not waiting really depends on the person. I just couldn't stand coming home to an empty house. My life is pure madness now with two young GSDs but I love ever minute of the chaos.

Take care of yourself and your doggie.

[arycrest]

I'm so sorry for your loss of Tara, she was a beautiful girl. My condolences to you and all who loved her.
Rest in Peace Tara, may you run free at the Bridge!

Over the years I've lost 13 of the Hooligans. I've discovered that just like people, different dogs grieve in different ways. Some don't appear to grieve at all, others grieve for an extended period of time.

IMHO it helps to interact with the remaining dogs more after one dies. An extra game of ball, a trip to McD's, an extra walk in the park, maybe a ride to the dump, simple things, just a little extra time spent doing something they enjoy doing to break the grieving cycle even for a short period of time.

Too and Honey were best buds. In June 2003 Too suddenly dropped over dead at the age of 12-1/2 and Honey grieved for two years. Nothing interested her. She "short-termed" enjoyed things, but then went back to moping around when we were thru. She stopped grieving the day I brought baby Bruiser home in June 2005. Having the puppy sparked her into enjoying life again. She went back to being her happy-go-lucky self until her death.

I lost 3 senior Hooligans in a 9 month period of time. Mac, who NEVER showed any real affection for any of them, never played with them, never interacted with them, only enjoyed trotting around the yard with his ball, moped around after the last one, Honey (almost 14), died. He lost interest in everything, would go outdoors, potty, and lay down, showing no interest in anything. I mentioned this to a friend who mentioned it to a mutual friend who offered to give me 15 month old Faith. Honey died March 3 of this year and I got Faith April 21st. The minute Mac met Faith he picked up his ball and started to trot around again. He even plays with her every so often.

On the other hand, when Tasha died, Tex didn't seem to miss her at all. I'm sure he knew she was gone, but he didn't seem to care. When Echo died, it was the same thing, Tex didn't seem to notice or care. He just continued doing what he always enjoyed doing, happy as a lark.

Best wishes!