How to give a cat a pill...

[RICO]

Saw this on another forum, though you all might enjoy it!

How to Give a Cat a Pill...

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.

Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from **** and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[GSDGunner]

That's hilarious! And as a cat and dog owner, very true!!

[Chicagocanine]

I didn't find it funny, after step 6 it all sounded horrible and mean to me.

[Lmilr]

Yep that sounds about right! Pesky things are indestructible escape artists.

Anytime I have to give Kat a pill I just crush it up and mix it in her food.....much easier for all involved!

[DJEtzel]

I thought it was hilarious. Sounds about right, too. I've had to do a lot of things to cats to either get pills down them or draw blood!

[juliejujubean]

i shared that all over facebook... too funny

[Good_Karma]

Well, as someone who has to give her cat a pill every single day, I thought it was hysterical. Thank you for sharing!

[Chicagocanine]

On most days I have to medicate at least 3 cats. One of my cats takes 7-8 pills a day (depending which day) plus a powder in her food twice a day, sub-q fluids every other day, and a shot once a week. I can't crush the pills and mix them in her food because she won't eat the food then. Luckily I've been able to get empty pill capsules and about 4 of the pills she takes are things I can combine and put into a capsule, but it's still a struggle to get her to take them and the others can't be combined that way.

I just think talking about forcing a ruler into a cat's mouth, closing a door on their neck, and hog-tying them down on a table is not funny.

[DharmasMom]

I have seen that before. Hilarious.

[Stevenzachsmom]

I have never owned a cat, but it seems I pet sit plenty of them. And....every blasted one is on medication. For two of them, I use pill poppers. The hardest part about one of the cats is being able to find it. My neighbor's cat is awesome. He gets 5 pills a day. 3 go into pill pockets and 2 get sprinkled over his food. He takes them like a champ. Such a good boy.

Dogs...Oh yes! Thank you peanut butter!