why did the chicken cross the road -- author unknown to me

[selzer]

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
(Dog Trainer Version)

Pavlov: we fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4
p.m. until the chicken’s autonomic system actually began causing the
chicken
to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the “why.”

B.F. Skinner: on prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the
road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.

Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, and intimidated the chicken until
it
raced across the road, because I am a strong leader…

Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, “Walkies” with the right accent and
place a
crumpet on the other side of the road…

Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing
still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the
Premack
principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing
behavior.

Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was
happy to cross the road.

Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine,
carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road.

Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of
my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along
catching
the treats.

Electric Collar Advocate: whenever the chicken does not cross the road I
give it an electric shock. But do not worry, the shock is no more than you
would feel if you walked on a carpet wearing socks and it does not bother
the chicken at all. The feathers standing up and the smell of burning
flesh
mean nothing. In fact, they are happier having nice clear communication
than
they would be otherwise.

Yuppie: chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if
you
love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time,
they
will be happy to cross the road for you.

Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.

Shelter director: Any chickens that do not cross the road will be
euthanized
for their own good, and the others we will “adopt” out tomorrow for only
$200 each. Please send us money so we can keep doing more of this
important
work!

HSUS member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been
around
animals and am not really fond of animals, but we passed a law mandating
that chickens be kept without cages because animals belong only in the
wild
and cannot be happy coexisting with man, so now they are walking wherever
they want.

PETA member: chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any
chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an
inhumane
existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today
to
ensure that it does not die tomorrow.

[sagelfn]

Hahahaha!

[bianca]

Funny

[Lilie]

That is really funny. Look what we've become!

[Castlemaid]

It was funny until the e-collar part - sounds like something you would have thrown in, Sue!

[Catu]

Too funny, I'll translate it later to re-post it

Thanks!

[selzer]

Originally Posted by Castlemaid

It was funny until the e-collar part - sounds like something you would have thrown in, Sue!

Nope, I guess there is at least one other person in the world that feels about them the way I do.

I thought that part was pretty funny.

I got this through e-mail again today from my trainer (a different person sent it yesterday), my trainer said to remember that it is a joke.

[Achielles UD]

I got something similar lol but here are the few people yours didn't mention


Victoria Stilwell: So what if the chicken crossed the road, who cares where the chicken went ... the bigger issue is do these pants make me bumm look fat?

Connie Cleveland: Because chickens are problem solvers.

Diane Bauman: We put turtles on the road and made sure the chicken was well proofed in crossing it between the turtles.

Susan Garrett: I taught the chicken a motivational tug and it happily danced across the road!

Blanche Saunders: Forward! Say heel and jerk the leash! If the chicken lags, jerk forward, if the chicken gets distracted use a series of short snappy jerks. When you get to the other side cuff him before he sits and if the chicken sits crooked cuff it again


Purely Positive Trainer: Chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.