WAX-need a good laugh-read this

[damrod]

WARNING: This will cause you to laugh out loud, so be careful if you are at work or if you are consuming a beverage. I'm serious. I spit coffee on my desk the first time I read it. - Sarah

It's a bit long but SOOOOO funny it won't even seem long!!!

Hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair
and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would
ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I
should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I
headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just
rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can
it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined
enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000
degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best
feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no
longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on
the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip
across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right
half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt
cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is
swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK,
back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I
want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE
WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I
see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I
am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive
part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted
hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I
put my foot down. darn!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell
door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to
do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? ot
water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits
and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used
to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I
sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions
glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to
the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the
way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of
the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the
porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter

"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from
me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
"Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be
the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various
solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing
feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the
brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my
friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of
the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS
STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it
off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated
my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......Sarah

[Stephanie17s]

ROFL!!!

I tried waxing once....never again!

[JerzeyGSD]

LOL! OMG, that is hilarious and horrible all twisted into one. I bought a cold wax kit for eyebrows and the thing was a piece of crap, so glad I didn't get strips and make the same fatal mistake (although I doubt I would have been so brave! )

[SunCzarina]

Oh No!

[mjbgsd]

OMG that's funny and horrifying at the same time, lol!

[Doggydog]

Some things are best left to the pros. Hope you've recovered. Next time see a good tech and see how easy it is when done properly.
Hope no one has to see the results - :-D

[SunCzarina]

I don't think it happened to the OP - first paragraph says she spit out her coffee when she read it.

[nkrz]

*snickers*...never in a million years would I try something like that! That poor woman!

[Tbarrios333]

LOL!! I was laughing so hard I cried. That was great.

[Tina & Dave]

Each and every time I read this joke I cant help but laugh...

My hairstylist asked me last month if I would consider waxing any part of my body and the first thing I thought of was this joke...

T