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Old 07-24-2014, 04:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Growing up, did your parents guide/force you to seek out a particular profession? Or did you grow up with little if any guidance from them?

Do you think it's better to tell your children to become a doctor/engineer/lawyer etc. Or to let them decide on their own? Do you think it's better to encourage them to seek out degrees and education or to let them decide if they want to start a career out of high school and build their way up?
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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School has always been important in our house. There was no question that we would finish at the very least high school. I had the same feelings with my son, except I pushed it one step further and added college. From the time he was little I instilled in him the value of an education. So here we are, he is 22, almost done with college. I never told him what he should be when he grew up, I told him that it should be something he loved and not necessarily about the money. He originally thought teaching but ended up in human resources. He is very good at what he does. He has moved up to human resource manager at the one and only job he has had since he was 16. At 20 years old he was the head of a department. I guided him but didn't tell him what to do, just like my parents did with me.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I never was asked.

I ask evan all the time what he wants to do, and i tell him he is smart and he could be whatever he wants to be,

Yesterday we took tyson for a walk and we stopped to get crazy bread from little cesars. We took it to the park and Evan jumped up on a lamp pole and spun around a few times, i said "evs are you pole dancing" and he smiled and said "mom i could be a great male stripper, look at my body", he has confidence for miles that kid. He wants to be a professional basketball player or a police man.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I never was asked.

I ask evan all the time what he wants to do, and i tell him he is smart and he could be whatever he wants to be,

Yesterday we took tyson for a walk and we stopped to get crazy bread from little cesars. We took it to the park and Evan jumped up on a lamp pole and spun around a few times, i said "evs are you pole dancing" and he smiled and said "mom i could be a great male stripper, look at my body", he has confidence for miles that kid. He wants to be a professional basketball player or a police man.
How do you instill confidence in a kid? Is it like instilling confidence in a puppy? By exposing them to many different situations, letting them make mistakes and letting them learn from them? Is it genetic...?

As a child I had the confidence of a bull. But it dissipated as an adult...
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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How do you instill confidence in a kid? Is it like instilling confidence in a puppy? By exposing them to many different situations, letting them make mistakes and letting them learn from them? Is it genetic...?

As a child I had the confidence of a bull. But it dissipated as an adult...
My son was the opposite. He was more shy as a kid and as he grew so did the confidence. I let him learn from some mistakes and never allowed him to make others.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You know, i am a young mom. I have always piushed him to try new things, encouraged him to "go ahead" and give it a shot, he has natural ability though...he jumped on a snowboard last winter and rocked every hill he took on. He is great at sports, he is a popular well liked kid. I probably screwed up many times as parents do, i am not the warmest most outwardly loving mum out there, but i get the job done and i think he is turning out well. I make a point of pushing for education, i am big on finishing school and going to college.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I think one way to have a confident child is to provide stability and structure. It gives them a home base and children strive on routine. I never told my son what career/profession to pursue. I DID encourage him to go to college. He had one major in mind and then changed his major and decided to go with something more creative. I supported it, even though the original career he chose would have been much more lucrative.

Reminding them every day that they are important to you and very much loved also gives them a sense of belonging and self-worth. Having a set structure and routine, meant expectations were clear and very black and white and they know what is expected of them.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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They did not influence me one way or another. All they did was encourage me in school and to research everything before making decisions. They definitely did not see me joining the military and leaving home the way I did but they supported me and helped me research all the avenues I could take.

That's how I see myself with my children if/when I have them. I think it is important to give them the proper tools to make their own decisions and help them along the way when they need it.. though if I see them going down the hole, I might step in and redirect..
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Old 07-24-2014, 11:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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You cannot change genetics (in dogs or humans). You can only influence whatever is there at time zero. As for the question, I was encouraged to make decisions and those decisions were supported 100%. Passing on the same to my young un. For example he got a lot of presents for his b-day earlier this week but he also received cash from family members so he could make his own choice, he chose construction equipment and put it together mostly by himself with only minor guidance from me. Do we have a genuine technical 6 yr old?

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Old 07-24-2014, 11:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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No, no pressure from parents, but not a lot of help either. Both sides of my family were middle class with blue collar type jobs in my grandparents' and parents' generations (carpentry, contracting, plumbing....) but all three of my grandpas (I had one step-grandpa) were very smart with money, very frugal, true products of the Great Depression. No lived beyond their means and my family growing up didn't either. College was not out of the question for my parents' generation, but not something you automatically did, and *certainly* not something that your parents or grandparents paid for. It was the same for me. I went to college (a small, tougher, liberal arts school that cost about $25K per year) and had no help from my parents. My brother did not go to college and is a professional fishing guide. My sister went to college and has a social work/OT type job. I never had a car or an allowance growing up. I bought my own clothes, worked if I wanted money to see movies or buy something. It wasn't my parents making a conscious decision to raise us independent or not spoil us, that's just how it was because we weren't rich, and I never thought my parents were hard-butts or that I wasn't a normal kid (even though I went to a tough private high school and most of my classmates were upper middle class to downright wealthy). I had no rules, no curfew, but on the other hand I got straight As, worked almost every day, and stayed out of trouble. I got married when I finished college (refused to entertain the idea of getting married during school), bought my first vehicle when I was 24 and my first house when I was 25. I've worked in the same place for 11.5 years and am working on my final promotion to the highest level. I think my parents are very happy with my choices and the fact that I have a house, am starting a family, and have a good secure job and am not 30 yet.
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