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Zeeva 06-30-2014 02:48 AM

Grudges
 
Do you hold grudges? If you do, how do you deal with it? Avoidance?Confrontation? Meditation? Distraction?

I've tried most of it, except for the 'confrontation' part.

It's been several months since someone posted something 'mean'(?) in one of my threads and I want to reply to it, but it feels so childish and disgraceful. But I can't shake it either...

So what should I do? Literally it's been like 5 months. Will I ever let go...?

llombardo 06-30-2014 02:52 AM

Write down what you would say and delete it. Once you read what you replied you will feel better and most likely think I can't say that and delete it.

Zeeva 06-30-2014 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by llombardo (Post 5709778)
Write down what you would say and delete it. Once you read what you replied you will feel better and most likely think I can't say that and delete it.

Done it a couple times...rereading the reply is what makes me feel so silly...

lalachka 06-30-2014 03:02 AM

70 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeeva (Post 5709786)
Done it a couple times...rereading the reply is what makes me feel so silly...


Lol I totally get it))))) soo many times I know I should ****pseudo swearing removed by MOD*** but I can't. I tried typing it up and deleting, some I ended up not posting but most made it through)))))

TommyB681 06-30-2014 06:07 AM

To certain things Ill hold a grudge(kind of an internal "I wont forget that") but I try not to let it affect how I deal with that person, espcially at work. I try to be an "Owell its done and over with" kind of guy. Not always easy

Twyla 06-30-2014 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeeva (Post 5709762)

It's been several months since someone posted something 'mean'(?) in one of my threads and I want to reply to it, but it feels so childish and disgraceful. But I can't shake it either...

So what should I do? Literally it's been like 5 months. Will I ever let go...?

Decide how valuable your time is. Do you want to waste time and energy on someone that has been mean or use that time working towards the goals you have set for yourself?

Sarah~ 06-30-2014 08:57 AM

Depends on what they did... Usually unless someone has really wronged me or been extremely rude I let things go. But a lot of little things for me add up to a big thing and I would probably just cut off all ties with that person. I try to live by the golden rule like my grandpa taught me! Especially over the internet where the other person knows nothing about me except what I've told them, I just ignore it unless it REALLY eats at me and if after a day or so it's still on my mind I will go ahead and say it. Almost always it's not really worth it. This is just my opinion and you can do what you like obviously, but after 5 months it would not be worth it to me. I would just write that person off as ignorant and forget all about them :) People only have as much power as you give them, don't let negative people bring you down! You seem like such a sweet person, your posts are always very nice :)

I have to say though, sometimes posts I have read have just completely floored me, like does this person really talk to people this way? Especially posters who seem incredibly bitter or sarcastic or arrogant in everything they reply to. I can't imagine they have many friends acting like that, and it makes me feel bad for them.

Blanketback 06-30-2014 09:44 AM

I've only ever used the confrontational approach, so I think this is why I don't hold grudges, lol. If something is so bad that I have no choice but to deal with it, then I do. And if something isn't worth getting upset about, then I forget about it.

But that's what I do IRL. These boards aren't the same, because you have no idea what the other person even means! You don't know anything about them, what they're going through, how they feel...it would be nice if nobody ever posted anything to hurt you, but I think it's more realistic to treat an unkind reply like you would treat someone honking their horn at you: just some random noise.

misslesleedavis1 06-30-2014 10:30 AM

Move on. It is a forum Girl! continue on and let it go :)

jafo220 06-30-2014 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeeva (Post 5709762)
Do you hold grudges? If you do, how do you deal with it? Avoidance?Confrontation? Meditation? Distraction?

I've tried most of it, except for the 'confrontation' part.

It's been several months since someone posted something 'mean'(?) in one of my threads and I want to reply to it, but it feels so childish and disgraceful. But I can't shake it either...

So what should I do? Literally it's been like 5 months. Will I ever let go...?

Some can't help themselves being first rate jerks. Some people like to belittle others. It's how they are and what ever you reply back won't make a difference with that sometimes.

With grudges, it all depends on how you hold a grudge. Does it eat you up inside and cause you to treat others in an unpleasant way? If that's the case, the only way to handle that is to let it go. It's tough but you have to or it will consume you. Look at it like this. When you hold a grudge this way, they hold the power over your personal life. End it by letting go and ignore that person as if they do not exist. Get your mind trained this way by getting your mind on something more important then them. Step around around them. If they pursue, report them.

If you can hold a grudge inside and not let it consume you, nothing wrong with that. Just lie in wait until an opportune time to get the upper hand and prepare for the opportunity.

The other way is the best. Letting it go so they don't hold your thoughts hostage is the best.

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