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GSD Fan 05-11-2014 03:40 PM

I Need Some Help With This
 
I hate to keep bothering you guys about bullying or possible bullying not happening, so if you're tired of these threads, just move on to the next thread or your merry way.

I said I would not post another thread like this without evidence or witnesses, so first, let's start off with evidence.

1. There was a guy coming to my house and riding around near my house. He would cuss me out from his car if I came outside. I told my doctor about it, my doctor said, "No, that is not a hallucination" and made the call. This guy admitted to the police what he was doing and was taken to jail.

2. I was walking into a building with my mother in her car and a girl treated me really badly. I came out the building and got in the car, and my mother said, "I saw that, I saw everything." We talked about it on the way home and my mother said that those type of people turn around and treat you so badly, yet expect you to "speak" to them when you see them.

3. Everyday, a guy would hit me in the back of my head with his fist. A hispanic girl saw this and told me she saw it. She just would never go to the police, she did not want to be labeled a snitch by her peers.

4. Finally, some girls walked by pointing at me and laughing at me and she yelled out, "You're nothing!" A black girl came up to me and asked, "Why do they talk about you so badly?" I told her I didn't know. She went on her merry way with her friends and I did not get a chance to ask her if she could help me go to the police as a witness.

So, there's evidence or at least people who claimed to have saw these things happen to me.

Currently, people treat me like a dog. They CONSTANTLY talk about me. They say my name, "[insert name] is pitiful" when they talk about me. They also point at me, "Who are you talking about?" "That girl right there." They talk loudly and they talk so I can hear it.

This is constant. Whenever I go into a grocery store, anywhere, and even on a college campus. Yesterday at my mother's graduation, I had a guy making fun of the way I yawn and stretch sometimes and then he pointed at me and said, "That b word, that b word is stupid". People pointed at me and said my name and talked about me all day yesterday. They say the same things, that I wear the same clothes every week and every day, that I have no sense are am the stupid girl, and etc. Over and over again.

I do have a mental illness, I am schizophrenic. However, the thing is, it's been years since I've had an audio hallucination. I was hearing things back in high school and then it went away for at least 5 years. The lastest incident had me seeing "giant lizards" and grandiose illusions, but the psychiatrist put me on these really strong meds and everything stopped.

Here's the thing, over the course of the 5 years, these bullying has continued. I've had other witnesses too, like the little boy who tried to fight me in the library and the old man beside me said something about the incident.

I don't know what to do anymore. I talk to people, but unless I have a witness, they assume it didn't happen. This stuff IS happening to me! The few college students I talked to said it's real, because the college campus I attend is a party campus and the people there are really cruel, especially if you're not a party girl.

Last but not least, my parents came over yesterday. They did not hear anything and neither did I. It's just like I said, when they hear I have company, it stops. They do not want to get caught.

Sometimes, it really gets to me. Lately, I've wanted to die so badly. I'm not sure if I'm suicidal or not, because I haven't attempted anything in over 10 years. I don't want to commit suicide, but I just want some relief.

I'm trying to get stronger, because a guy said no matter what or how often people say these things about you, it shouldn't bother you because you know who you are. I'm trying to build up but it's hard when people also say this is inhumane and no one should have to go through this.

Zeeva 05-11-2014 03:54 PM

My dear. Have you discussed this with your psychiatrist? Your medication may need to be changed or upped. Even though you haven't had any hallucinations in a while, you may have developed a resistance to what you're currently taking which honestly seems like the case (although I'm no expert by any means)...

We are here to support you. But there's only so much a person can do through an online forum.

Please don't hurt yourself. You are a unique and special person and the world needs people like you. You can find relief somewhere. You can become stronger.

<3

GSD Fan 05-11-2014 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeeva (Post 5504402)
My dear. Have you discussed this with your psychiatrist? Your medication may need to be changed or upped. Even though you haven't had any hallucinations in a while, you may have developed a resistance to what you're currently taking which honestly seems like the case (although I'm no expert by any means)...

We are here to support you. But there's only so much a person can do through an online forum.

Please don't hurt yourself. You are a unique and special person and the world needs people like you. You can find relief somewhere. You can become stronger.

<3

I am currently one a new medicine from the "giant lizards" episode, but it's not working out. I have 2 weeks til I see my doctor again.

Zeeva 05-11-2014 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GSD Fan (Post 5504418)
I am currently one a new medicine from the "giant lizards" episode, but it's not working out. I have 2 weeks til I see my doctor again.

2 weeks is too long. Can you call your doctor and tell them it's an emergency? Can you go to an ER? Can you call family to stay with you till you see a doctor? You shouldn't be alone right now love...

JakodaCD OA 05-11-2014 04:30 PM

I know you want to be independent and live on your own, but do you think you felt better when you lived with your parents? Maybe consider moving back home???

I agree with Zeeva, I think you should call your Dr, and tell them you don't think your new medication is working out and you need to see them pronto..

I don't know why people can be so mean:( And I don't know why some seem to have a target on their head that says "pick on me"...

It's easy for us and others to say 'ignore them', I know it's hard when your going thru this..Can you talk to your mom??

You don't need mean people in your life or throwing off negative energy , you need positive people in your life, I hope your mom or your Dr can help ...

GSD Fan 05-11-2014 05:17 PM

I can get on the phone and see what I can do tomorrow because today is Sunday. I talked to my parents and they were very supportive. My dad says whether or not it's happening, stay strong and treat people the way Christ treated his enemies.

It's hard, but what I like to do is reread these threads and read the positive responses. It makes me feel better and gives me strength.

jang 05-11-2014 06:18 PM

Oh sweet girl...Whatever you are hearing or seeing may or may not be real..People are really mean and will take advantage of you..Please look into yourself and get help if you qquestion it...You are loved..You are working for a better life...PLEASE pm me ..I will do everything I can to help you..YOU ARE LOVED...Please be safe and continue to share your feelings and your fears...WE ARE HERE FOR YOU..Let us help you..AND..continue to consult your doctors..WE WILL DO OUR BEST FOR YOU.....

Harry and Lola 05-11-2014 06:21 PM

Sometimes you need to look at yourself, ask yourself, is my behaviour appropriate, am I staring at someone or giving them dirty looks, did that really happen or am I being over sensitive, is that person speaking to me like that because I spoke to him/her like that. People often mirror each other. I find if you treat people the way you want to be treated, then you will be treated the same.

I would talk to your doctor/psychiatrist about your issues, perhaps you may need different medication to help you get to a point where you can fix yourself (then everything else will fix itself automatically)

AddieGirl 05-11-2014 06:30 PM

I just want to say that I BELIEVE you. You know your illness and you know yourself. You are not your schizophrenia. That is just a part of you and something to be managed much like diabetes or any other illness. You are doing a great job by taking the medication that you need. I hope that you can stay strong and listen to the positive people (even if we are only on this forum). PM me anytime if you just need someone to chat with. I'm on here several times a week.

GatorBytes 05-11-2014 07:25 PM

You sound like a very level headed person to me. Despite your beliefs or doubts...I think past threads may have provided prejudice opinions and don't think anyone qualifies to tell you to go talk to your doctor, as this implies you are not or maybe not...anyhow...

These people who hurt you (physically and emotionally)...It is NOT your responsibility to figure out why this is happening to YOU by THEM...or to even prove that it is...

Say this every day and/or everytime you question or feel sad or hurt by others actions..

"This is a reflection of who THEY are, NOT who I AM"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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