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Zeeva 01-09-2014 08:56 PM

So I come here...
 
I cannot find a single friend today (or yesterday...it may even have been years). So I come here...

I am unwell again. I cannot get these thoughts out of my head: thoughts of using Smokey's leash as a hangman's noose against the fan, or jumping off the mall parking structure, or leaving the car engine on in the garage on and on and on...

I feel so dark. So alone. I feel so crippled and tied down. And yet I feel so desensitized and detached from reality.

I am at a loss and I am tired. I looked up an animal shelter nearby today. I want to drop all 8 of my critters off there and just end my life. My fear is that they will be euthanized or worse yet ill treated. I do not know what to do because I feel I cannot take care of myself any more let alone them. I do not know who or where to turn to.

I am not asking for advice or for attention or even for encouragement nor am I trying to scare anyone. I am just sad today and wish someone knew...So I come here...

That is all.

Jax08 01-09-2014 09:00 PM

:hugs:oh Amina. It breaks my heart to see you so sad. I wish you would find a good counselor to help you through this.

onyx'girl 01-09-2014 09:00 PM

Instead of imagining dropping them off, how about volunteering your time to a shelter or whatever? I think helping out others can bring out some good feelings within. Put one foot in front of the other and move them. Don't stop moving!

I'm sorry you are sad again. This time of year is certainly a trial even for us that don't have depression.

Nikitta 01-09-2014 09:10 PM

Zeeva honey you need to talk to your professionals. Obviously the program you are on is not working. I worry about you honey. /hugs

Castlemaid 01-09-2014 09:18 PM

Zeeva, there is no shame in trying medications when one is ill. I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for years and years until I agreed to try Prozac, and it completely changed everything. I finally understood that my depression was not from some defect of my personality of lack of will, but a biological chemical imbalance. I was ill in the same sense that a diabetic is ill due to a chemical imbalance in their system.

I was on Prozac for three years, stopped, and have been well since then. The balance has been restored. It was the stigma of 'being on medication' that stopped me from finding inner peace and wellness before that.

zyppi 01-09-2014 09:26 PM

please go to doctor or emergency care.

There are medications that can change your life for the better.

GatorBytes 01-09-2014 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeeva (Post 4804626)
I am just sad today and wish someone knew...So I come here...

Well, you've come to the right place *big squeeze*:)

selzer 01-09-2014 10:20 PM

Zeeva, I hope you can start feeling better soon. Sometimes the best thing to do is to go to your doctor and tell them exactly how you are feeling. They can get you to the right people who can find the best medications for what you are going through. And get you on a good path.

I agree there are chemical inbalances in the brain that can throw us for a loop. If you are female, and or if you have other medical conditions, those inbalances can be caused by our body's cycles and the medical conditions. They can also be affected by outside stuff, like a really negative work environment. They are not necessarily permanent. Trust me that one day you realize that you are having a lot more good days than bad days, and one day you realize you no longer need the medication to have good days.

I've been on about half a dozen types, some longer term than others, I no longer need them.

Springbrz 01-09-2014 10:22 PM

I wish you weren't sad. May the morning light shine on you, lift your spirits and help you find some joy in the day. :hug:

blehmannwa 01-10-2014 01:02 AM

Honey..
I am so sorry that you feel this way. I went into a very dark place when my mother died. I had to leave my son and I was in a cold. lonely northern town.

I got on Prozac and it got me through. The biggest thing that I learned is that it can be a chemical imbalance and a simple pill can help.

Please see a doctor. I love your voice.


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