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Old 12-10-2013, 06:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Advice on non GSD issue

I am an aunti too 2 kids, my nephew Stephen 16 and my neice Madeline 13. There Mother (my sister ) passed away about 6 years ago (breast cancer) since then Dave my brother in law has hooked himself up with a winner...she moved in 3 years ago, does not work, has 3 kids and i think she is insecure about the relationship because she took all of my sisters belongings (mostly pictures, and items she left for her kids) and burned them all in the backyard . Stephen has mentioned that things at home are rough his father has recently started hitting him and the live in girlfriend constantly attacks his character, and his mother. Well 2 nights ago stephen called in tears, dad put his head through the drywall and he wanted to come live with us, we picked him up the very next morning and he is with us. I tried to register him at school today, but no luck hearing from his father to give me any kind of consent..stephen was also promptly pulled of his fathers benefits, i am just at a loss here how to navigate this whole crap situation..has anyone ever had to deal with a situation similiar to this? as a aunti i have no rights at all and so far no luck reasoning with his dad..sorry for the vent in advance.
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Old 12-10-2013, 07:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I have no experience in this arena. Maybe speaking to a social worker? Not sure what state your in and whether emancipation is an option? I have no idea how that process goes. Hopefully others might have some ideas. So sorry you and Stephen are going through this. It's crazy that a dad would hurt his young 16 years old son, but not unheard of especially after another woman is in the picture. So very sad.
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Old 12-11-2013, 04:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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will bro in law sign legal guardianship to you? if not call child services.
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Old 12-11-2013, 04:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Try to remain on your brother and his wife's good side for the kids' sake.

If he removed him from healthcare benefits, then call him and tell him that to add him to your health benefits, you will need to have legal guardianship, and you want him to go to school. If he can't meed you on these two points, then I think calling children services is the thing to do.

I'm sorry. it's a terrible place to be in, and then there's the younger child too. It sucks that they are separated, when they are the closest relatives they have.
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Old 12-11-2013, 04:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with all above !

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Originally Posted by Msmaria View Post
Maybe speaking to a social worker?
And maybe a lawyer...you might have some legal rights.
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Old 12-11-2013, 05:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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A lawyer & report the abuse. Abuse needs to be reported. The legal implications as to what constitutes abuse vary from state to state. I would suspect that both kids need to be removed from his custody the sooner the better.

It might be nice to try to stay on your BIL's good side but he doesn't seem to have one at this point. His way of managing pain at your sister's death left him vulnerable to the partner he has now. His life has got to not be so hot either. Maybe the abuse charges will wake him up as to what has become of his life.
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Old 12-11-2013, 06:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Call an attorney. You might want to call child protective services not to necessarily report anything, but for resources and referrals to help you. When I needed an attorney to help with my daughter's disability I called our local agency for the disables and they referred me to an excellent attorney.

Burning your sisters belongings is sick. I can understand wanting to put things away but to destroy them is crazy. I suspect some substance abuse going on there. What is happening with the daughter?
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:49 PM   #8 (permalink)
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As of now i have sent a custodial parent release form up his way so he can sign it and send it back so Stephen can be put in school, I am being as absolutely nice as possible to him, i am making it easy for him, i am supporting his side of the story the absolute best i can. I am taking the best approach for Stephen's sake and that is calm, mature, and civil. I am not sure how US child protection laws work but in Ontario a social worker will not step in because he is 16.
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Old 12-11-2013, 08:49 PM   #9 (permalink)
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someone needs to step in whether he's 6 or 16. And what's going on with his sister? I'm concerned about her too. I really hope everything works out and you get custody of sorts. my heart hurts for them.

I would think a social worker, lawyer, child protective services, etc. 16 or not, he is still under age and needs and deserves the help in that kind of situation. There's ALWAYS something.
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Old 12-13-2013, 09:18 AM   #10 (permalink)
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KZ - she's in Canada - that changes things. In the states the laws vary from state to state.
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