Adult Step-son issue - need advice and to vent (non-gsd) - German Shepherd Dog Forums

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Old 12-10-2013, 02:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Adult Step-son issue - need advice and to vent (non-gsd)

My husband has a son from a previous marriage who is in his late 30's and single. Owns his own home and bought a second for an investment, but I don't know if he still has the 2nd home. The income he states he makes is greater than ours. Two Christmases ago my husband gave him a car, a Toyota Coupe worth about $8000-$9000. The son is an outside sales rep, drives a lot and the Honda my husband gave him a few years back was starting to have issues, it was a bit junky, but ran well and got good mileage. Whenever my husband would see his son ( a few times a year) he would always ask, "how is the car running?". After learning about the Honda, my husband thought this Toyota we owned would be good for his son's job, it got good gas mileage, had low miles, and my daughter and I did not like to drive it. Before the son got the car, we also paid to have some body work done to fix a hit and run dent.

At first I did not really care about giving him the car (of course getting money for it would have been better) but my husband works hard and if it pleased him to give a gift like this, I should respect this request.

Last year I learned that the son had another car he never mentioned to us, a nice BMW worth $18,000. I found out by accident. A friend was throwing a surprise party for my husband and wanted his son's phone number to invite him, I realized I didn't have it, it was programmed on my husband's cell phone and I could not ask for it without giving away the surprise. So I did a quick online search and found the son's phone number in an online add to sell the BMW. I'm not sure if my husband would have given the Toyota to his son knowing he had a luxury car available for use. I did not tell my husband about the BMW until recently when I heard the son was looking to borrow money from a relative, my husband seemed a little hurt by this.

Do you think the son was deceptive in not mentioning he had the BMW? When I give things, I like to give with no strings attached. But because of the value of this gift I am feeling resentful that the son was given something he really did not need, but was obviously nice to have. I'm trying to get over my resentment and hoping some of your perspectives on this situation may help.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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An $18K BMW is hardly a luxury car just because it comes from München, Bayern. A lot of BMW's are basic transportation in Germany.

It was deceptive that he didn't mention that he had another car before receiving the Toyota. It's possible he was having trouble with the BMW, or parts were too expensive to maintain, or insurance was too high, hence the reason for the sale.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I tend to think what is done is done. You can't take the car back. But you can think long and hard the next time ya'll want to provide any assistance to his son again.

FWIW - I would be ticked too. But, it's the past. We should learn from the past and make sure the same mistakes aren't made again.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks for the response MichaelE and Lilie.

MichaelE, I am a big fan of BMWs until they break down, I just dumped mine because the transmission was going.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with MichaelE. I don't know the circumstances of your step-son having and selling the BMW. It was nice that your husband gifted him the cars. I hope he was appreciative. It sounds like your husband noticed his son needed the cars and gave them willingly, rather than he was asked to provide the cars. From your description, the son is working hard and providing well for himself. Good for him. Gifts shouldn't have strings attached and shouldn't be given if they are going to cause hard feelings down the road. I would not want to see conflict between you, your husband and his son. Personally, I would just let it go.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gretchen View Post
Thanks for the response MichaelE and Lilie.

MichaelE, I am a big fan of BMWs until they break down, I just dumped mine because the transmission was going.
So am I. I like the 6 series of the mid- to late 80's and early '90's. Also the M series coupes '95-'99.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I guess I think a person really only NEEDS one car. If they have extra money and can afford a separate car for fun, that's great, but I would never expect someone to provide either vehicle for me.

Before buying a car, I take into account what I need it to do and I purchase a vehicle that fits those priorities. First what I need, then what I want.

If your husband was fine with it, then that's that, but I would tend to think the son maybe isn't making the most mature decisions if he is choosing to use his car resources to buy what he wants and relying on his dad to give him what he needs.
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Old 12-10-2013, 04:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks for everyone's input it helps. I have two weeks to drop the resentment (by Christmas). I thought I was over it until the thought of getting together for the holidays came and it doesn't help that I have to drive a junkie Honda for now.
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Old 12-10-2013, 04:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Gretchen View Post
Thanks for everyone's input it helps. I have two weeks to drop the resentment (by Christmas). I thought I was over it until the thought of getting together for the holidays came and it doesn't help that I have to drive a junkie Honda for now.
OH HECK NO.

That's crap.
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Old 12-10-2013, 04:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilie View Post
I tend to think what is done is done. You can't take the car back. But you can think long and hard the next time ya'll want to provide any assistance to his son again.

FWIW - I would be ticked too. But, it's the past. We should learn from the past and make sure the same mistakes aren't made again.
I am with Lilie on this one...what's done is done.
I don't mind giving or helping people. I never expect anything in return if I "gift" anything.
I also don't like deception though...and agree with you that's where your hurt feelings are coming from?
I would probably be more 'modest' in giving to him in the future.

JMO.

Kat

Last edited by KatsMuse; 12-10-2013 at 05:02 PM.
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