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Old 01-10-2013, 09:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Am I being unreasonable?

So I've been with my fiancé for 5 and a half years. We met my senior year of high school. He's 25 & I'm almost 23. We got engaged a year ago on new years, and had planned to get married on January 4, 2014.

Well weddings cost a lot of money, so we talked and decided to have a small ceremony in City Park in New Orleans with our closest friends and family (about 30 people), and then we were going to eat at a restaurant in the city afterwards. Because it'll be outside, I figured January isn't the best time and asked my fiancé if October was okay instead of this year.

Here's where the issue came in - he freaked out and started saying its too early to get married and he is scared and not ready...

Okay.. So why did he propose a year ago? And isn't six & a half years long enough to date??
I know we are young, but I'll be graduating with my masters this summer and I'm ready to take the next step, especially since I pay A LOT of the bills, etc. we live together already so I don't see why he is freaking out so much.

Anyways, I basically told him that if he's not ready now, he probably will never be. If we don't get married this year, then I'm ending it. Is this unreasonable of me? Or is it the right decision because I feel like its not fair to me to have to sit around and wait even longer.

I feel like I shouldn't have to force him to marry me. This should be a happy and exciting thing.. Not a headache.

Any input? I feel like my feelings are crushed. I know he is just probably scared, but still. :/


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Old 01-10-2013, 09:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
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My input is that he should not have proposed if he wasn't 100% sure he wanted to get married.

If it were me, I would hand back the ring and ask him to ask you again when he is sure.

I definitely would postpone the wedding, either way. You don't want to make him feel "forced" into marriage or like he's making a mistake.

I am not a fan of that kind of immature behaviour. Sounds like somebody needs a few years to grow up.
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Wolf View Post
My input is that he should not have proposed if he wasn't 100% sure he wanted to get married.

If it were me, I would hand back the ring and ask him to ask you again when he is sure.

I definitely would postpone the wedding, either way. You don't want to make him feel "forced" into marriage or like he's making a mistake.

I am not a fan of that kind of immature behaviour. Sounds like somebody needs a few years to grow up.
I agree with this..... but some people don't deal so well with change. Maybe he just needed a little time to adjust to a change in plans????
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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No you're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't necessarily give the ring back but I wouldn't just let him keep dragging his feet either. Weddings are exhausting and complicated to plan, even the simplest ones, and most of it falls on the bride. It's OK if he has some commitment issues but he should at least be willing to acknowledge them and deal with it.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I think Wild Wolf has very valid points. It could be time to take a step back, live on your own for a while. It certainly sounds like you are a confident, hard working young woman. He may need some time to grow up and be responsible for himself before getting married. Wishing you the best, this is a scary issue to deal with.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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To answer your question, I think yes you are being a little unreasonable. You are wanting to move the wedding up by a year. You are putting an ultimatum out there. If you want it in October you should be pushing it back to next October not moving it up.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shepherdmom View Post
To answer your question, I think yes you are being a little unreasonable. You are wanting to move the wedding up by a year. You are putting an ultimatum out there. If you want it in October you should be pushing it back to next October not moving it up.
It's not a year, it's 3 months. Oct 2013 - Jan 2014.

I think some soul searching is in order. Not knowing either of you or relationship, can't really comment but to me, it's a red flag.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It's not a year, it's 3 months. Oct 2013 - Jan 2014.

I think some soul searching is in order. Not knowing either of you or relationship, can't really comment but to me, it's a red flag.
I know its only 3 months but remember its a guy brain. LOL They have timelines in their head. (i.e. get married 2014). He may not see it as only 3 months.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:29 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Guy brain or not. If he wasn't ready he shouldn't have proposed.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Guy brain or not. If he wasn't ready he shouldn't have proposed.
They don't think the same way we do. Take it from someone who has been married to the same guy for 27 years. Their goals go by years. (i.e. I want kids before I'm 30) (I want to get married in 2014) The fact that he wants to do it at the beginning of the year says a lot. She is messing with the plan he has in his head and then is wondering why he is freaking out.
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