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Old 01-10-2013, 05:34 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Get out of this situation, fast. Don't spend the rest of your life with someone that doesn't love you the way you love them!

Trust me, as one of the lucky few that has a man that is 100% dedicated to me, I never thought there were people out there like him....there ARE! and you deserve one!
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Old 01-10-2013, 06:32 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Sweetie, don't hook your star to a black hole. I know it is cliche, but he is getting free milk. Why buy the cow? I am not just talking about sex. I am not a feminist, so I think he should be footing more of the bills. I have seen friends get stuck with loser husbands and they are miserable. If he is unsure now after all this time, show him the door. You deserve better.


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Old 01-10-2013, 06:51 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Whoa! His only contribution is half the rent! Get out of dodge...at least he has the decency not to marry you....

after reading your second post, you are the one who is going to grow resentful...I've been there 2x - put in more effort, paid for the movies, the dining out (b/c if I wanted to go out seemed I had too pay) $$$, b-day & x-mas gifts etc. etc...I was their caregiver and they were too comfortable - the kicker was one BF who was only working PT and living in folks basement, got a credit card...first thing he did was go out and buy himself a pair of $250.00 seringhetti (sp?) sunglasses...this, after I paid for everything for two yrs...He was actually a great guy...but I lost it for him after that
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Old 01-10-2013, 07:00 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dgray View Post

Also, sometimes I wonder if we are on the same page in life.
This sentence speaks volumes. There is much more to this than the date.
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Old 01-10-2013, 11:38 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dgray View Post
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I think he's very immature and scared of the responsibility of it all. Also, he's still working a part time job at a crummy place and I've got a really good job - he says he's living in my shadow..
Ok I was kind of on his side before but this totally changes things. A man not mature enough to step up, get a real job and take care of you needs to go. From your first post I kind of thought that maybe he had a plan, but clearly that is not the case. He sounds like he is using you and then trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Run away! This is mental abuse. Trying to blame you for his faults.
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Old 01-11-2013, 01:28 AM   #46 (permalink)
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You are with this guy because of history. History is past you need to live in present and in future. Memories will always be there, but you do get over a breakup even though it is so hard after bieng with someone forever. You have different goals in life and you are getting your MS when you are while he has part time work at some crap job?! Does that even sound right? People who want different things can't be together. Some guys never change, they are always immature like my step dad for example. You gave him an ultimatum to either hurry up and merry you or its over. Where is the real love in this relationship if you have to do an ultimatum this huge? He is immature and all he wants to do is hang out and live in the moment not thinking about future while you provide for him. Don't be naive when you get married existing problems don't go away, do you really want to marry a pathetic loser who can't even be real with the woman he loves? One of my coworkers dated a guys since high school, he was serious about money but not so serious about commitment, they dated 11+ years she wanted marriage and kids and told him she will merry another guy unless he proposes, so he did, they lived together for 4 motnhs and got divorced, because she didn't let him hang out with his buddies as much as he wanted to. ULTIMATUMS DON"T WORK. In your situation you are smart, educated lady,its rocket science, DUMP HIM.

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Old 01-11-2013, 05:10 AM   #47 (permalink)
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set the wedding date for a year later. you can afford a year
whether the wedding happens or not.
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Old 01-11-2013, 05:57 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Speaking from experience as I'm actually engaged ATM/ planning a wedding. Similar roles to yourself although I'm the 22 year old male and she is 24. I proposed on our 4 year anniversary and intend on tying the knot on our 5th anniversary in October this year.

I think if he truly wanted it that we would be more considerate of changing the dates, especially this far out. That is unless you've told many friends/ family the original Jan 2014 date or even paid deposits for photographers/ dj's etc etc. I personally cop a lot of flak from family and friends for being so involved in planning our wedding. But as I tell them, it is "OUR" wedding so why wouldn't I want to be involved!

Maybe just have a decent sit down and chat with him and see what you guys can agree on.

Best of luck!


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Old 01-11-2013, 07:42 AM   #49 (permalink)
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I think that people dont really change much . I learned the hard way . My husband was a prince ,just one with out toys. His Dad spoiled him and his mother was dismissive and at least vervbally well inappropirate. My husband had been out of the service 10 years when I met him and really his job at the prison where he and I worked was the first real job that he worked for any length of time. Im a social worker so I dont make big money but w/ my experience I ve been able to build a decent carreer . My husband despite multiple chances to get education doesnt. Your story about him proposing sounds like my husband who started talking marriage on our third date.It was his romantic sometime dream. Im almost ran. Your fiancee's feelings aside,how do you feel about the relationship? The pattern for the relationship is kind of set . Are you getting your need met? However long ago it was befor this announcement happened were you satisfied? Those questions of satisfaction are very important. In my case I have a horrible temper ,Im sarcastic and reactive . Im working on it but he manages to manage me. I bring stabilityand he brings humor ,consistency and patience plus he takes care of all the stuff I hate. We arent the couple we were 16 years ago and while the honeymoon is not continous the friendship is. What he said to you is a blindside and your talk w/him would be very disappointing and hard to hear. Think about what you need? I have had to accept my husband is not motivatecd in the same way I am. Its alot of compromise to sustain any marriage but you have to get something out of the relationship other then just being together or rather in addition to being together.
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Old 01-11-2013, 04:17 PM   #50 (permalink)
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i am old and jaded, but i disagree with some posts. whats the hurry? you are only 23, and there is every reason to believe you will live well into your eighties or even nineties, go out see some of the world, have some fun. imho, you haven't done enough living to know if this is what you want. some times the grass is greener on the other side.
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