Lemme tell you a story. I'm 26 years old. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19. We'd been since I was 17 and had been living together for almost 2 years. We're both responsible and determined people. I was pregnant by 20 and a mom by 21. Never a late payment on our bills. During our wedding, I was the one terrified of what was happening. I'm a very independent minded person and like to have fun going out with friends and goofing off. My husband is a great man. He's very patient with me and my wild child tendancies that come up on occassion.
Recently, I started to feel trapped. So shortly after my husband deployed for the second time, I moved home with the kids and the animals and really just everything because I needed to do some serious soul searching and reevaulating where I was in my life. We were headed down the path to divorce because i'm stubborn and at times a stupid thought crosses my mind and I go with it. My husband has the patience of a saint. I've been home for five months. I've done a great deal of thinking and my husband and I are going to work on things between us. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make, much less confess to him that I want to work on us and things need to change. It's going to be a long road for us but we're on a good path. I just kind of wondered and got lost along the way but found my way back.
My point is, you've been together for a while. You are going places and he appears content to stay in one spot. You're basically supporting him from what you've said and he's not making any moves to change his state of being. He's got a sugar mama. You've bailed him out of a financial situation once already. Looking at my parents, who are pretty immature, there's likely more financial situations in the future. You BOTH have to be mature enough to handle the responsibilities that are involved. Me, like I said, I'm stubborn and independent minded. I'm a stay at home mom which occassionally drives me crazy because I like getting out and working. My husband has no problems with me working and even tries to make it so that I can more easily work around his wacky schedule. He currently makes the money (breadwinner) and I make sure everything is taken care of. He proposed to me three times before I finally said yes.
If your guy isn't ready, he shouldnt have proposed to you. He's pulling out the "you don't let me hang with the guys" card because he wants to stay in a fantasy world where you pay for everything and he gets to go goof around without a care in the world. He can be scared all he wants. So can you. Marriage is a big step that can be absolutely terrifying. That's okay! But both parties have to be on equal ground for it otherwise there will be problems. If he's freaking out now and showing all this, is this really someone you want to spend your life with? You can listen to your heart but there comes a time you REALLY need to listen to your head and look to the future.
If it were me, I'd step back and reevaluate where I was in everything and where he was and make note of it all. You're going places and paying the majority of the bills while he's sitting on a part time job griping about it instead of taking steps to change his position. Do you want to be with a forward thinker such as yourself or someone who is content to stay stationary and basically mooch off others? Only you can decide what's best for you. Really think about whats best for YOU in the long run. Take into account the history. If things have been consistent the way they are, they'll likely stay that way in the long run until you decide to change it.
Ask him WHY he proposed if he's so scared of it all. IMO, if a guy proposes, it should be because he's anxious to spend his life with you and given the chance would happily get married to you right that moment if it meant he'd be with the one he loves most. But that's also the opinion of a hopeless romantic, though logically, a guy shouldnt propose unless he's 100% on it.
I'm going back to school. I want to have something under my belt for when my kids are both in school so that I'm not sitting at home twiddling my thumbs if I don't want to do that. Reevaluate your situation. You may be surprised at what you see and learn when you really look.
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Last edited by KZoppa; 01-10-2013 at 01:48 PM.