I Know, I am such a good friend, until I need help (vent)

[selzer]

I am sorry. I hope everything works out ok. Usually, if I step back, I can find alternatives if I must in just about any situation.

Also, I hope that no matter how much I do for any one person, if they do not feel comfortable doing something for me, or have something else planned, I hope they would just tell me they can't. I am cool with that. Because I wouldn't want anyone doing something for me out of an obligation and giving up something else as well.

[doggiedad]

because someone can't help you doesn't mean you
shouldn't continue to be their friend. if you're that shallow
of a friend then there wasn't much freindship coming from
you in the first place.

when you have something important to do and need the help
of others don't depend on one person. line up a few people
for help just in case someone can't help and don't wait untill
the last minute to ask for help.

[MichaelE]

Originally Posted by kiya

Seriously, my husband and I learned a very long time ago, the only one you can count on is "yourself". In our case it's each other but thats it. Then it's not so devasting when some one lets you down.

This ^.

I would rely on my dog before I would another human being. I learned that lesson a long time ago. I stopped having friends when I left the military. Now, I have aquantenances I don't need to or expect to rely on.

[GatorBytes]

Well, she called, she is going to loan me her car. I have a hearing tomorrow for eviction. I would have used my own car, but in an effort to help another friend who was down and out a few months ago, loaned him my car so he could earn some money, I got stiffed w/some parking tickets - I had one $61.00 on my sticker renewal statement that I was aware of - this comes about two months before birthday - date of renewal...I also had the added expense of renewing my license this year too - hurray! I knew about the ONE ticket, but not the other two - so at the time I only had enough money which I thought was enough - well, there was another $120 when I went up to the counter...my B-day lands 12 days before x-mas - the prime spot check time, so I pretty much had to park my car for a month.

My neighbour - not a close friend, a senior who is constantly playing the damsel in distress card and I fell out around this time last year for several months....until she needed me when a pipe burst two floors above and her apartment was flooding...

I had resolved then, that I was better off w/o her in my life (she is a heavy drinker and loves to talk about how adored she is by all and gets quite crass and dismissive when you are down or want to talk and she doesn't want to hear it - she will abruptly change the subject or start making waving gestures to usher you along as she struggles to interupt)

I was having a pretty positive day, online looking for work when the knock came at my door and she was in a panic...waterfall of water pouring in over her stove...I calmed her, helped her, as it tapered I went home as my dog was freaking out - bathroom emergency! Next thing, another knock, frantic...the water was now coming down and into her bedrooms (ajoining walls) - she was out of towels...I spent 5 hrs. helping her, dealng with the management to get answers as to when the restoration crew or someone (other then me) would be coming to help her so her belongings were not destroyed, I was sucking up water with my steam cleaner. Nobody came to help from our mangement...

Well she bestowed virtues on me - the cat's meow - bragged to her friends about me - I was renewed in her eyes and she started calling me again.

Me, not so keen on this - I truely didn't want to get back involved with her...But, I thought I would see how things went and if she started hurting my feelings again - I'd just stay away...she was calling me daily...I was complaining about the cost of driving my truck (sorry said car earlier, however), it is a pig on gas...she always say things like "well take my car, it just sits there, doesn't use much gas" or "I never drive it, could use a run" (she only goes to the mall up the street) I never asked, never would...until I needed my sticker - I asked her to take me - she said "just take my car" so I did - no problem...she new my situation, she knew my other friend had screwed me and she knew I had a hearing....and instead of reflecting back to a time (and there were more and more recent - although a smaller scale - but still an interupt-is of my time and what I needed to do for me), she balked when I asked her this morning....I was hoping she would offer, it made me sick to ask b/c it puts me in a vulnerable situation to be let down...I have too much on my plate, I am overwhelmed, I have anxiety, and depression and I needed someone - her, to just make my life that one teensy tiny bit simpler (note: I have never asked her for anything prior)

But it just never goes that way. sigh
As for the rest of my so called friends (ex-friends), as so many of you have commented about dissolving relationships that were one sided...been there, done that too.

Sucks. yep. Although the situation has worked out as I needed it to, I still cannot get over the 9hrs of anxiety.

Thank you all though for the encouraging words
P.S. I never "do" with the expectation of anything in return. I just "do" b/c I believe (or used to), if you are a good person to others, they will be in return...can't be a jerk and then expect help...I cannot, but seems others can....go figure...still p.o'd...grrr

[GatorBytes]

Originally Posted by Zeeva

i keep coming back to this thread. i realize now that it's because i'm wondering what kind of bind you're in? seriously, is there anything we can do...?

No. Thank you though, you already did

[Nigel]

Wow! Sounds stressful all the way around. I'm glad she finally decided to loan you the car. I hope the hearing goes well for you, at least as good as something like this can go anyways.