Anyone have an epiphany in which they learned NOT to be judgemental? - Page 3 - German Shepherd Dog Forums

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Old 01-07-2013, 11:38 PM   #21 (permalink)
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judgmental to me is just another word for a person that has the good fortune of living in a protected bubble their whole life to that point.
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Old 01-08-2013, 12:41 PM   #22 (permalink)
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When I was at school there were a few kids I didn't like, rough kids, violent, angry, spiteful, mean bullies. Kids that scared me and upset me.

For most of my life I carried resentment towards those kids, I was angry at them, thought they were bad people and wished them ill. As we grew up I was pleased when I heard stories that they had fallen into drug addiction or ended up in prison.

My work crossed over with that of the social services recently and I was exposed to the working of some of the people trying to help disadvantaged and at risk children. Suddenly nearly 20 years later I only just realised what had made those kids that way. The things that they probably had going on at home, the ways they were treated and mistreated by parents and step-parents. The violence, neglect and abuse they probably suffered.

I always had a safe, warm, kind place to go home to with food on the table.

A lot of these kids will have been going home to face beatings, anger, hunger. It is no wonder they tried to claim some of that power back by picking on kids like me.

I'm sure some of them were bad apples, but most of them, i feel so sorry that they every had to go through that and that their lives were doomed before they had even begun.
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:12 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Even when I was in school, I never really went 'with the crowd' if they picked on someone,etc. I've lived in all types of areas and have found that the people who seem to not have much are usually the ones who have the biggest heart and will help you. To me that is more important than what you drive,wear,or live in. I've seen plenty of judgemental people since I've lived here in South Carolina.I try to give everyone a fair shot before I judge them,unless they give me a reason to think otherwise.

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Old 01-08-2013, 03:09 PM   #24 (permalink)
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But isn't the point of an internet forum to be judgmental? Someone comes on, writes a few paragraphs about their question/situation. The rest of us are then asked to put ourselves in that box and say what we would do in that situation based on our current life and our feelings towards the situation. Judgment has to be involved at some level. What would be the point of someone asking for advice, saying what they're planning on doing, and the rest of us just agreeing because "we don't know the rest of the story."

What's wrong with saying, I can't believe you're doing that because of this, or I would never do that in my life. Sure, if the OP took 3 pages to describe the situation like a novel does, the things they have gone through in their life before this, what they want for themselves in the future, we could possibly "judge" less. But when you have a 3 paragraph description, most people take it as black/white and answer based on that. Unless there is other information added later I don't see how judging someone's decision based on facts given is wrong and yes, sometimes that involves questioning OP's character since most of the time the questions involve a living thing and also something that we are all very passionate about.
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Old 01-08-2013, 03:23 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by martemchik View Post
But isn't the point of an internet forum to be judgmental? Someone comes on, writes a few paragraphs about their question/situation. The rest of us are then asked to put ourselves in that box and say what we would do in that situation based on our current life and our feelings towards the situation. Judgment has to be involved at some level. What would be the point of someone asking for advice, saying what they're planning on doing, and the rest of us just agreeing because "we don't know the rest of the story."

What's wrong with saying, I can't believe you're doing that because of this, or I would never do that in my life. Sure, if the OP took 3 pages to describe the situation like a novel does, the things they have gone through in their life before this, what they want for themselves in the future, we could possibly "judge" less. But when you have a 3 paragraph description, most people take it as black/white and answer based on that. Unless there is other information added later I don't see how judging someone's decision based on facts given is wrong and yes, sometimes that involves questioning OP's character since most of the time the questions involve a living thing and also something that we are all very passionate about.
Personally, I use the forum for brainstorming, not for being critical of others. That is just me. And honestly, forums bring out bad manners, because face to face..I bet ( I hope for your sake!) most of you would never be so critical, rude, or harsh . Being anonymous surely brings out the worst in people. Guess some just havent had that epiphany yet!
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Old 01-08-2013, 03:26 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Personally, I use the forum for brainstorming, not for being critical of others. That is just me. And honestly, forums bring out bad manners, because face to face..I bet ( I hope for your sake!) most of you would never be so critical, rude, or harsh . Being anonymous surely brings out the worst in people. Guess some just havent had that epiphany yet!
Oh yeah! Absolutely! I realized that a long time ago! But when you are an OP you're not really "brainstorming" unless you're asking a very theoretical question. Of course many people wouldn't be this frank or critical in person, you also wouldn't get 30 people in a row in life telling you how you made the wrong decision.

Another big problem is that emotion doesn't get written/read well. We get a lot of meaning when we actually see the people and their body/facial expressions. You don't get that on a forum, so everything is black/white and how the reader interprets the post.

I think that a lot of times you as a poster have to remove some emotion while reading whatever the responses are. Its kind of up to you to realize that you put yourself out there, in an anonymous community, and you will get judged and criticized for what you did.

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Old 01-08-2013, 03:36 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I was kind of thinking about that conversation and this conversation, and how some people may have never bonded with a dog to the extent of being a heart dog the other day. It kind of fits into this discussion. I mean, if people grew up in a situation where the dog was dumped when they moved, or dumped when they grew out of the cute puppy stage, if a parent punished children by hurting the dog, or by threatening to get rid of the dog, or if they did get rid of the dog, people may have developed a protection where they would not get too close to anything.

Our first dog was a beagle mix that lived chained to a dog house in the back yard. He was never trained. All he did was jump on us and rip up our pant legs. But we liked him well enough. When he went missing, I took two busses with my brother to go to the pound and look for him. I was eight, it was scary. You could smell the pound all the way at the bus stop. Just follow your nose. They electrocuted dogs back then. We never found that dog.

We had a puppy that lived on the porch with six toes on his back legs. He was a GSD mix, free puppy. He just stopped crying at night and was doing good, but someone took him off the porch and that was the last we heard of him.

The third dog was a schnauzer mix. It lived tied in the back hallway when inside and tied out when outside. But it was a nice dog. I took it on walks. I took it on my paper route when I was 12 and he got hit by a truck. My fault. He was thrown into a ditch. I jumped down in the ditch. He was alive. The man in the truck took us home. We took him to the vet. He healed. Then he bit the baby, she was 1. We thought maybe she got her hands in his dish. A few days later he bit her again, and there was no provocation. My parents never told me what they did with the dog.

Princess came to live with us. She was a shepherd mix. She was inside for a couple of months, and then got really sick. They took her to a couple of vets, and they fixed her, but she lived outside from that point on. They think the chemicals in the carpet was part of the problem. She thrived outside and lived to be almost 15, but she wasn't like an indoor dog.

My parents never let me get a GSD.

But they never hurt a dog to hurt me, and while they may have gotten rid of the one dog, they didn't do anything that would work against my becoming attached to a dog. But some people have experienced that, and other people's perception of the same set of circumstances may cause a different overall outcome.

I mean if you walk through life learning that dogs are temporary you may not let yourself get too attached to them.

On the other hand, somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we choose a different family, a different experience, and we decide for ourselves how we will do things, whether what our parents did is what we want to do. And if we throw out to our community of choice a situation, we might be trying to gage what they think about something, so that we can make a better decision for us.

My parents first indoor dog was Pippy, the English Setter that we got when I was an adult, I think already moved out of the house. I knew I wanted an indoor dog before Pippy.

I think keeping our thoughts and feelings about a situation that has been presented to ourselves isn't all that helpful. But maybe 24 pages of saying the same thing in different ways isn't necessary.
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