Anyone have an epiphany in which they learned NOT to be judgemental?

[Discoetheque]

Being in a relationship has certainly shaped and molded my tolerance.
My fiancee and I couldn't be more different. It was our similarities that initially brought us together, but our differences have been what's kept us together. It's been fun because we always have something to learn from one another and introduce new ways to have fun with one another.

There wasn't really one life-changing moment, but more like a bunch of little ones...every heated argument early on that arose from us simply not understanding one another. I had always been taught to accept people for who they are, that everyone has a story and that when it comes to life, very few people can possibly be "doing it wrong", but putting it into practice was harder than I thought it could be. The journey has definitely been worth it, but it was a rough road, to alter a way of thought that you've had for as long as you can remember.

I had to learn to accept that sometimes, he said things with a little less tact than he intended to. That he had been hurt in the past and we had drastically different upbringings, which caused him to behave certain ways hat I wasn't familiar with. I had to train myself to think that his behavior wasn't so much "wrong" than it was "different". And most of all, I had to learn to remind myself that it was not intentional, that he was not a hurtful person and that he was working as hard as I was to be the best "him", just as I was working to be the best "me". And in accepting it from him, I learned to accept it in others.

Again, everyone has a story, and everyone has moments. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm getting a bit better at not jumping immediately to judgements or being offended when someone says something that bruises my feelings or rubs me the wrong way.

[llombardo]

I don't feel sorry for people who feel sorry for themselves or for people that bring on their own problems. I will take the side of the underdog anyday. I never judge someone based on looks or money. I might judge someone based on their character or the lack of character. I am a pretty good judge of character and I haven't been wrong yet...it might take me longer to figure some people out, but I always do. I will not stand by if an animal is getting abused, a person is getting abused or made fun of. There is no room in my life for the ignorance of some people.

[lorihd@comcast.net]

when my son was 3 i signed him up for the special olympics. when i got there i met his buddy(helper) his name was ned, i asked him where he was from, and he told me ( i knew it was the most affluent area in nj) i asked him if he went to private school and he said yes and he had to volunteer so many hours a year to stay at that school. I said to myself, great a spoiled rich kid that is here because he has to be, thats just great, ugh!!!!!! as i watched my son with his new buddy, i could have cried watching the two of them together. Never saw so many high fives and hugs in one day, ned was fantastic with logan. Ill never forget that day or ned, never!!!! ive learned that i should never look a gift horse in the mouth and say no thank you!!!!!

[Midnight12]

What shows the most about people is how they treat all other living creatures, other humans also, Respect all beings and yes I too. have probelms with all the selfish people out there.

[LifeofRiley]

[QUOTE=ponyfarm;2691377]In response to another thread going on and on here, I got to thinking about how judgemental people can be when they really dont know the depth of the person's situation.

Aren't you being just a wee bit judgemental yourself in the way you opened this thread

[RowdyDogs]

I had a homeless friend who walked me home from work every night for a couple of months when I was a teenager and living/working in a bad neighborhood. I was being kind of stalked by someone (noticed a guy lurking outside my office and trying to follow me home on a couple of occasions, and I was young and dumb so didn't call the cops), and my friend noticed it and asked me if he could help by keeping me company on my way home. We'd had some basic conversations previously as he regularly hung out near my office, but we did not know each other before that. He was always a perfect gentleman and in fact quite lovely to talk to, if a little crazy.

That's not the only time I've been surprised by the kindness of someone who is marginalized or looks "scary." I don't judge people at all based on their appearances because I've met too many people who don't fit the narrative of how they "should" behave based on their looks.

As far as grumpy or mean people...don't remember who said it, but my motto is, "Be kind, for everyone is fighting their own battles." When I'm hurting or preoccupied, I can get grumpy or brusque with people, so I don't expect others to be sunshine and roses all the time either and won't hold it against them.

[Freestep]

Originally Posted by JakodaCD OA

I don't have empathy for people who don't learn from their mistakes and keep making the same ones over and over again

...and then come crying to you for help, every time? Yes, that is frustrating.

I have come to the conclusion that people who do this have some kind of brain disorder, something having to do with memory loss, or memories simply not getting laid down properly, or being blocked, or overwhelmed, or something. Don't ask me how or why. It's just my theory of why in the world people would set themselves up for pain and misery, when they can easily avoid doing so, and should know better.

[zyppi]

Life has a way of teaching us empathy.

I'm more than " Half a 'hundred'," (a story unto itself), and have been taught that lesson more than once.

The more you experience, the farther you travel, the greater certainty that you will become tolerant of others.

[shepherdmom]

Originally Posted by Freestep

simply not getting laid

As I was skimming through this thread this jumped out and even tho when I went back and re-read it I know that is not how you intended it, the rest of the sentence was on the next line... I still think its too funny not to share.

[selzer]

It is funny how judgemental we can be when it comes to judging how judgemental everyone else is.

I think it is kind of like righteous anger, it is ok because it is right, it is sticking up for someone else, whatever.

I think that we have to judge all the time, some of us have to judge whether or not people will make a good home for our puppy. All of us have to judge whether a trainer or vet or groomer is competent to manage our dog. And when you buy a pup from a breeder or go with a rescue, you need to judge that breeder or rescue to ensure that your patronage is not enabling someone to keep dogs in terrible conditions.

Judging in and of itself is not bad. I think what is bad is when we base our judgements on superficial things, like the brand of shoe the person is wearing, the type of car, how over-weight someone is, what type of job the person has.

I think sometimes people set themselves up to fall victim to the hairy eye ball.