Need Help - Update

[Mrs.K]

Well, she is going to call my aunt tomorrow and ask for help so I don't have to sell her. I don't necessarily want to go back to Germany. I'd have to start from scratch and there are a lot of costs involved. I'm working to get myself into a good place here and to get independent. I know I'm capable of doing it but sometimes you have to make tough decisions along the way.

I worked so hard and abandoning everything I worked for, so far, seems to be a rather foolish decision. In my opinion it is the easy way out. There are two ways, making hard decisions that I don't like and fighting to stay and make myself a living, or going back home?

As for giving two of the dogs up. I hate being in the situation but I think being rational about it, is the only way to survive. If I leave my husband I have to think about how I'm going to afford leaving him, how easy/hard is it to find something to rent with four dogs? Can I afford the security deposit for the dogs?

I know how tough it was to find something with three dogs and what we ended up with and why we bought a house. That being said, I have no issue living in a trailer but I have to be realistic and fair to the dogs.
I'm not giving up all of them and I cannot imagine living without my little babygirl but at the same time I know that she will have a very important job and can do what she loves the most.

[onyx'girl]

Sandra, I'm so sorry for your predicament. Forgiveness is strength building...don't discard that. It builds character. But you know what is inside, so do what you have to. Fight for what you really want and search your soul to be certain you are making the right decisions...don't rush into anything just yet. I pray that 2013 will bring you what you want and need!

[Magwart]

I'm very sorry you are going through this.

In terms of your job search, have you checked with your county animal shelter? I know our shelter is constantly hiring -- they often are in need of strong-nerved people to do intake of stray dogs and work in the kennels, as people often don't last long with all the noise and smell and stress. People who actually like to be around big, strong dogs (and can "read" them!) are surprisingly rare in the applicant pool at many shelters. It may not be a forever-job, but a job until you get on your feet and can continue with schooling to be an EMT. Have you checked about working at PetSmart and Petco as a dog trainer? The last Petco trainer I talked to had been a cashier who was perhaps 19 years old and was "promoted" and took a weekend seminar to learn Petco's dog training method. She didn't know what it meant to title a dog--in anything. In some areas, the stores don't have better options than that!

Can you take on dog walking or pet-sitting clients? A few clients might be enough "Taschengeld" to buy gas to get to your EMT classes or pay for SAR classes, esp. if you are paid in cash. (It is hard to find a petsitter comfortable walking my three GSDs when we travel--and they're easy. This is a service that is actually more needed than you know by people who have to travel for their jobs!)

Is there any possibility that your trainer, or a good friend, perhaps might be willing to offer you a long-term foster for 1-2 of your dogs--- maybe for 6 months or a year?

Take a deep breath. Planning is good. Panic isn't. Don't give up yet!

[jocoyn]

I am sorry for what you are going through but you married this man and I would think whatever is going on with him is not being done to you but must have something going on with him.....to be messing up so much.....I hope he gets some help in sorting this out....I imagine those tours of duty must be so terribly hard on all these folks in the service.

[Gharrissc]

I don't know what area you are in,but maybe you could rent an apartment. I know some people may think that's a crazy idea with 3-4 large dogs,but I've done it before and it wasn't too hard once you got used to the fact that you don't have the convenience of a yard and you are able to find some good places to exercise the dogs off leash,etc.

[Mrs.K]

Originally Posted by jocoyn

I am sorry for what you are going through but you married this man and I would think whatever is going on with him is not being done to you but must have something going on with him.....to be messing up so much.....I hope he gets some help in sorting this out....I imagine those tours of duty must be so terribly hard on all these folks in the service.

I know that, but how much can a person take without having to protect oneself? I am right there with him and I'm going down with him. We are not newlyweds. There is a lot of history and may wives would have divorced him already for what he did and I am at a point where I have to think about myw future because if he is going down, who is going to pay for the house? Who is paying the child support and how are we going to put food on the table?

He is doing it to himself and to me. Everything he is doing to himself, I'm affected by it, so I have to find a way to fix it and I've been fixing it for years and neglected my own future by doing so. I've given up my education and home for this man and if I don't do something about it now, I may end up losing everything, and that is including him.

[jocoyn]

Wow, I never knew children were involved! I assume his, not yours or I would not see walking. True you must have a more complex situation than we have been told (and it is not our business to pry) and I hope you can take advantage of some free legal counsel for advice..and protecting yourself is always a wise course of action.

It may be walking away and going back to Germany or finding some place where you can live/work (maybe live-in at a large kennel-where you can keep your dogs and train or some such thing until you can figure out a long term plan..probably not in upstate NY though)

[Mrs.P]

Hello Mrs. K from one military spouse to another I am really sorry you are in this situation. Especially being away from friends and family makes it that much harder :/ But I want to share with you that there are a lot of military programs out there to help spouses.

Google MyCAA I used this for a phlebotomy course I took a while ago they paid for the two courses and I just had to purchase $100 text(found on amazon a lot cheaper) and scrubs(which I had but required by the course). They will pay up to $4,000 a year for certificates, licensures, and associate degrees! Also surprisingly they are very helpful if you call or you can create an account and message them. Here's a link( I hope it works)
https://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/default.aspx

Another thing that might be helpful is some sort of counseling for yourself, you seem to be in a really tough spot and maybe your husband will go along if you start? But if you go to
http://www.militaryonesource.mil/help

They provide up to maybe 10 or 12? sessions at a counsellor(civilian) in your area per issues such as communication, decision making skills ect. I really hope this helps hang in there! And wish you the best of luck!




Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App

[holland]

Originally Posted by Mrs.P

Hello Mrs. K from one military spouse to another I am really sorry you are in this situation. Especially being away from friends and family makes it that much harder :/ But I want to share with you that there are a lot of military programs out there to help spouses.

Google MyCAA I used this for a phlebotomy course I took a while ago they paid for the two courses and I just had to purchase $100 text(found on amazon a lot cheaper) and scrubs(which I had but required by the course). They will pay up to $4,000 a year for certificates, licensures, and associate degrees! Also surprisingly they are very helpful if you call or you can create an account and message them. Here's a link( I hope it works)
https://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/default.aspx

Another thing that might be helpful is some sort of counseling for yourself, you seem to be in a really tough spot and maybe your husband will go along if you start? But if you go to
http://www.militaryonesource.mil/help

They provide up to maybe 10 or 12? sessions at a counsellor(civilian) in your area per issues such as communication, decision making skills ect. I really hope this helps hang in there! And wish you the best of luck!




Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App

Great post Hope it all works out for you Mrs. K

[GSDElsa]

Wow, this stinks.

I agree with Nancy--this timing that this is all happening after he's been deployed is odd and I think he's probably got some issues going on that is causing him to not do his job well. Hopefully you can both get the help you need to get through this (and I"m not talking monetary).

Maybe I'm too forward thinking, but I think it's important that both people in a marriage take responsibility for being money makers this day in age (especially if there aren't kids involved). This isn't the 50's and it's not so easy to survive off of one income...and considering how many people are losing their jobs these days, defintely risky relying on only 1 income! What happend to the volunteer EMT thing and the job you had at the doggie day care?