It's a licensed day care w/ employees, inspections the whole nine yards. She runs it out of her house but is seperate from the living area, upstairs/downstairs type thing.
I've been toying around with calling social services but thought the last time she had him removed from the house (RCMP were involved so there's now a history established) that she had learned her lesson until I got woken up this morning but a text message that he's done it again. I guess I need to put my feelings aside and do what's best for her, then work on repairing the damage to our friendship that the phone call will ultimately make.
First of all, if you are turning to the forum for advice, you should be clearer about the circumstances - such as noted in blue - is he abusive? did he hit her again, or did he show up wasted in the wee hrs of the morning "again"?
The phone call you will ultimately make is NOT your call to make. Does this entail calling the respective authorities to pull her licence? b/c calling the cops is not yours as this has nothing to do with you so I am assuming the former (?)...or are you calling her to tell of your intentions IF she doesn't smarten up?
Here's the scenario playing out in my head - you make the call - drugs are found in her house, she looses her home, her daughter, her business, her income, the guy - goes to jail if drugs are found...she hits rock bottom - do you think you can repair that damage...do you think she will care about your friendship and one day thank you for showing her the light.
There is usually a reason someone cannot let go of that type of person - they are of like minds - can't beat 'em, join 'em....is she using perhaps on a lesser degree? or of diff. substance, but he brings to the table? perhaps she isn't giving full disclosure?
I had friend who always cried wolf about her BF's - she was a raging alcoholic and abused them, cheated, stood them up and when they retaliated she boo hoo'd to me about how bad they were. She stood me up too many times to count. As I saw a pattern I just listened, stopped trying to console her - when she left her new puppy and her 10 yr old grandson (she was his guardian )alone while she went to a patio one sunny afternoon for a "couple" picked up a man and spent the NIGHT on his boat ignoring her cell phone as her grandson called and called - she returned home to find him gone (his father had come and got him - his father is a junky which is why she has custody) he layed into her and she called me to try to feel better about what she had done - I couldn't. I told her - YOU Ef'd up big time and I cannot help you, I have nothing to add to make you feel better about yourself.
fast forward a couple months - she was supposed to come over to visit me around noon - my father was on his death bed, I needed a friend - she went to the bar instead, wouldn't answer her cell. My father died at 5pm, I got the call - I was alone. She never apologized and went on to stand me up one more time a couple weeks later - 4 days she wouldn't take my calls, she then called to bitch about her boyfriend - I told her to never call me again - that was 4 yrs ago. It still hurts to this day how she betrayed me. Now she is "sick" she is an alcoholic, but to what extent could I support her choices when those choices devastated me.
If your friend is not listening to you and you cannot condone or respect her for her choices - you can do two things...
1) you can take her to get counselling - such as meetings for family's of addicts (like alcoholic annoymous - there is groups for family members who are live with alcoholics)...you can also bring here to see a social worker or other, who can help her through her addiction to this man adn get to the root issue as to why she cannot let go and build her self estem to do so - Cognative Behavioural Therapy...
2) You can tell her, that you are still her friend, but you cannot be the go to person any longer and that she needs to go get help and then turn off your phone.
Sorry this was so long