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-   -   Nancy Lansa was a victim, too (http://www.germanshepherds.com/forum/chat-room/197095-nancy-lansa-victim-too.html)

Jelpy 12-26-2012 08:50 PM

Nancy Lansa was a victim, too
 
Nobody and nothing good came out of the Sandy Hook Shooting spree, and one can only grieve for the loss of the children and teachers who died so horribly. However, I can't help feeling an extra bit of sadness over the treatment given to Nancy Lanza. She too, died at her son's hands, and yet she has been treated as a sinner rather than a victim; there seems to be some vague hint that she had it coming for being a gun enthusiast.

Now I will be perfectly honest that I have no use for guns, and see absolutely no reason why she would need or even want military weapons in her home; but she was within her rights to own them. And from all I have heard, she was dedicated to raising her son, and I'm certain it was in the hopes he would one day be a productive member of society, not a killer. I've heard she thought that learning how to safely handle guns would help teach him concentration, or responsibility. I doubt the possibility that he would ever use this knowledge to harm anyone, much less children, never entered her mind.

Yet somehow she has become the person we blame. When we talk about the people who died that day, we stop at 26 deaths. Her death is omitted, as if it just wasn't important enough to count. Maybe because we like things simple. It is easy to mourn the deaths of the children, of Dawn Hochsprung and the teachers that day. There are no shades of gray surrounding achingly young children or fiercely protective educators.

We cannot spare sympathy for Nancy Lanza without having to stop and think about whether we would have recognized the symptoms in our own children. About whether the relatively easy accessability to military weapons, even in a state with gun control laws like Connecticut, could be just as much to blame for the massacre as a hopeful parent, desperately clinging to the thought that her son might be ok.

Let's be brutally honest: We don't like to think too much. It's easier just to cast her in the role of the guilty and omit her from the list of the dead. Even her funeral was shunned, as if burying a criminal instead of a murdered mother.

Nancy Lanza was a victim, too. I hope someday people will realize that.

Jelpy

Mrs.K 12-26-2012 08:57 PM

I absolutely agree with you and find it extremely hypocritical and sickening the way she is being treated.

Ayla 12-26-2012 09:05 PM

I agree as well, though I haven't heard anything besides her not being mentioned as a victim in many places. Is it really because she was a gun enthusiast? I am a gun person, not military grade weapons or anything but I enjoy going to the range.


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ksotto333 12-26-2012 09:06 PM

This woman was absolutely the first victim. No matter what issues you may think your child has, there is no way she could have fathomed that these awful crimes would be been committed by her son.

Jelpy 12-26-2012 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ayla (Post 2664410)
I agree as well, though I haven't heard anything besides her not being mentioned as a victim in many places. Is it really because she was a gun enthusiast? I am a gun person, not military grade weapons or anything but I enjoy going to the range.


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Yes. I have read several articles which state she is being blamed for 'giving her son easy access to guns' or for not knowing what he is capable of. How many parents think their child is capable of slaughtering first graders? How difficult for her family to bear not only the knowledge of what Mark Lanza did, but the condemnation laid upon his mother as well.

Jelpy

dazedtrucker 12-26-2012 09:29 PM

I heard that she had so many problems with having him in the public school, with his issues, she finally pulled him out and homeschooled him. Sounds like she really tried to raise him right, with his best interest at heart.
I know how hard it is to have a kid endlessly screwing up, (or other severe issues...) and not knowing what the heck to do. My 15 year old son is in a "facility" right now. No matter how hard I tried, or what I did, he just kept finding a way to get in trouble. I'm hoping this is his wake up call, and when he gets home, there will be no more of this behavior... I hope and pray. Its SCARY, and you love them, it's your child. :(
I dunno. Something went horribly wrong there. So sad she is being blamed.

Ayla 12-26-2012 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jelpy (Post 2664415)
Yes. I have read several articles which state she is being blamed for 'giving her son easy access to guns' or for not knowing what he is capable of. How many parents think their child is capable of slaughtering first graders? How difficult for her family to bear not only the knowledge of what Mark Lanza did, but the condemnation laid upon his mother as well.

Jelpy


That's absurd. I mean gun safety classes do tell you to lock guns an ammo up separately, though more for the safety of young children... though you are correct, who would think their child could do what he did? As a parent, I really like to think about what happened... I hope all the families of every victim including hers can find some sort of closure or comfort, how they can I don't know but I hope they can... I'd like to anyway...


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Syaoransbear 12-26-2012 10:22 PM

I don't think she's being ignored as a victim because she was a gun enthusiast. I think it's because she knew her son had severe mental and emotional disorders and she still taught him how to use lethal weapons and did not keep them out of his reach when he was in his downward spiral before the shooting. I'm sorry, but you don't teach mentally disturbed people how to use lethal weapons and you don't keep them within reach of those people, especially when the media is everywhere and is constantly glamorizing the illegal use of the exact same weapon. You'd at least do it for their safety. Who keeps guns around the house with a suicidal son?

I know she had good intentions and she tried so hard to give her son a normal life, but there are a million better recreational and productive activities out there that don't involve lethal weapons. My BIL is bipolar and his parents don't allow him access to guns because they do think he'd be at minimum a danger to himself if he had a gun because he can have episodes and tantrums where he becomes completely unstable and violent. He hasn't had one since they finally figured out his medication, but they don't take that chance even though he's expressed interest in learning how to use guns(a terrifying thought, even to his parents).

I absolutely see her as a tragic victim who saw her son through glasses that were far too rose-tinted, but I also see her as a mother who made an incredibly huge mistake that just seems painfully obvious to me. And other mothers had to suffer for it. So I do understand why she is being vilified for such an error. It would be the same for any parent who allowed their child access to guns and a death occurred because of it.

Kath & Clan 12-26-2012 10:25 PM

Nancy Lanza was a victim, but not necessarily foremost of her sons final acts. Insane people, criminally insane people and people whose actions defy all reason for some of the rest of us have rights. Despite the people closest to them and caring the most about them and most fearing them or for them and/or their actions having no where to turn for help. Because help violates the individual's rights. So there often times have to be criminal charges in place for the acuser, i.e. help seeker, parent, spouse, child to be taken seriously or for law enforcement or mental health professionals to be able to intercede. Its truly sad and its truly scary in many more less spectacular fashions than Sandy Hook or Columbine or any of the big news making incidents. Less spectacular except to the unpublicised victims in the less publicised incidents. So how do you cure all of that without stepping on rights? Taking guns out of it is the least of the answer; treating the mentally ill maybe removing the mentally ill from society is what needs to happen instead?

Narny 12-26-2012 10:35 PM

She was the frog slowly being boiled to death. If she had just been dropped in boiling water you would know its hot, but to see it every day you dont realize it until its to late. Its easy to just meet someone and know they are crazy or a manipulator or what have you. When you are a parent however its harder to see. Your kids have your number right from the get go.

I cant think about this whole horribleness with out getting so upset.

For once I actually agreed with Obama... America has a broken heart and it came from Sandy Hook Elementary.


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