Wedding advice ;)

[Kaiser2012]

thank you

[Gretchen]

Here's some advice of what not to do:

Don't buy the dress you love, buy the dress that looks best on you. Maybe have a friend take a photo of you in the dress before you buy, then at home get some objective opinions of it. My husband's nice loved this strapless, satin tight white gown. She was a bit chunky and the dress made her look like the Michelin Tire girl.

Think about your guests! Especially the seniors. I've been to weddings where the photographer took two hours after the wedding to take photos, leaving guests very bored, especially bad if it is outdoors and hot and not enough cold food and drinks while waiting. We went to a wedding where the food was served up a narrow flight of stairs, the grandparents could not handle the stairs, holding a plate of food.

Do not get it BBQ catered. Both weddings I went to that had this we ended up leaving before any food was served. The grills took too long to heat, food too long to cook and the smoke was killing me. You seem like a thoughtful person, so I doubt if these situations will apply to you, just thought I'd pass these along. And don't forget to have fun with the whole process!

[TaraM1285]

Best wishes to you! I wish that I had waited a little bit to start planning to just enjoy the engagement part.

Now about saving money...
My dress was lace overlay, simple chapel-length train and halter top...under $200. Find out ahead of time if any bridal stores have sample sales - you can get a real steal on a designer dress if you don't mind it having been lightly worn. No one knew the difference...

*oversized picture removed, reposted below*

My number one priority (after our guests, of course) was the location, so I figured that out first and then did the rest to work around it.

Flowers are expensive, so if you opt to go with live flowers, choose something seasonal or always available. We did our own centerpieces with gerbera daisies floating in lily bowls with water. I bought the lily bowls on craigslist.

Will you be having your wedding in the Outer Banks? There is a facebook group for Outer Banks brides. My friend was married in Corolla over the summer.

I have absolutely amazing friends and family who all offered to help and I did not take them up on it nearly enough. I tried to do it all myself because I didn't want to be a burden on anyone. Being on the bridesmaid side, I realized that I genuinely wanted to help my friends with anything they needed to do. I feel certain that they felt the same when they were offering help during my engagement and wish I would have let them help.

Best of luck to you in your marriage!

[Kaiser2012]

Originally Posted by Gretchen

Here's some advice of what not to do:

Don't buy the dress you love, buy the dress that looks best on you. Maybe have a friend take a photo of you in the dress before you buy, then at home get some objective opinions of it. My husband's nice loved this strapless, satin tight white gown. She was a bit chunky and the dress made her look like the Michelin Tire girl.

Think about your guests! Especially the seniors. I've been to weddings where the photographer took two hours after the wedding to take photos, leaving guests very bored, especially bad if it is outdoors and hot and not enough cold food and drinks while waiting. We went to a wedding where the food was served up a narrow flight of stairs, the grandparents could not handle the stairs, holding a plate of food.

Do not get it BBQ catered. Both weddings I went to that had this we ended up leaving before any food was served. The grills took too long to heat, food too long to cook and the smoke was killing me. You seem like a thoughtful person, so I doubt if these situations will apply to you, just thought I'd pass these along. And don't forget to have fun with the whole process!

These are great

As far as the dress goes, I probably under dress, if that makes sense, because I feel like a lot of things dont fit me properly. I'm thin, but I have broad shoulders and a long waist...so it hard to find things that do fit proportionally, lol. I'm all about pictures though, and will probably take LOTS of pictures

Great reminder to keep the seniors in mind! I definitely want the venue to be accessible to everyone, at all times

And no worries about BBQ...I can always have that, so I want food that is special. Even if we only have a small menu, I want it to be something that stands out or has meaning

[Cassidy's Mom]

Originally Posted by Kaiser2012

I mean, how do I research venues if I'm not even sure what town I want to get married in? haha

That would probably be the first decision you should make. Many places book a year or more in advance, so booking a venue is a high priority. If you're not sure what town you want to get married in, come up with a few areas that interest both of you, and then see what's available. It's hard to set a budget without knowing how much your venue and cateriing are going to cost because that will determine how much you have left for everything else.

Definitely decide which things are most important to you and which you don't care that much about, and then budget accordingly. Flowers can be expensive, so if you don't care about fancy floral arrangements you can skip those, and even make your own bouquet.

When I got married (in 1986!) there wasn't really an internet, with the wealth of information available that you have now. I found wedding timelines in Bridal magazines, but now all that stuff is online. I found timelines EXTREMELY helpful, knowing in what order things needed to be done, and how far in advance.

[Cassidy's Mom]

Eeee, Kristin that picture is gorgeous, but it's HUGE! Can you resize it to 800 x 600 and repost?

[TaraM1285]

Originally Posted by Cassidy's Mom

Eeee, Kristin that picture is gorgeous, but it's HUGE! Can you resize it to 800 x 600 and repost?

Oops!! Sorry!



...I think that should do it.

[Kaiser2012]

Originally Posted by TaraM1285

Best wishes to you! I wish that I had waited a little bit to start planning to just enjoy the engagement part.

Now about saving money...
My dress was lace overlay, simple chapel-length train and halter top...under $200. Find out ahead of time if any bridal stores have sample sales - you can get a real steal on a designer dress if you don't mind it having been lightly worn. No one knew the difference...

My number one priority (after our guests, of course) was the location, so I figured that out first and then did the rest to work around it.

Flowers are expensive, so if you opt to go with live flowers, choose something seasonal or always available. We did our own centerpieces with gerbera daisies floating in lily bowls with water. I bought the lily bowls on craigslist.

Will you be having your wedding in the Outer Banks? There is a facebook group for Outer Banks brides. My friend was married in Corolla over the summer.

I have absolutely amazing friends and family who all offered to help and I did not take them up on it nearly enough. I tried to do it all myself because I didn't want to be a burden on anyone. Being on the bridesmaid side, I realized that I genuinely wanted to help my friends with anything they needed to do. I feel certain that they felt the same when they were offering help during my engagement and wish I would have let them help.

Best of luck to you in your marriage!

Probably not at the beach because I think both of us would be happier with an indoor wedding, and since I live here, its not really as much of a draw for me as, say, something in the mountains. Of course, budget will dictate everything...so its not out of the running, just not near the top right now.

I AM pretty Type-A when it comes to making decisions, but I think I would really appreciate the help, if its offered

Originally Posted by Cassidy's Mom

That would probably be the first decision you should make. Many places book a year or more in advance, so booking a venue is a high priority. If you're not sure what town you want to get married in, come up with a few areas that interest both of you, and then see what's available. It's hard to set a budget without knowing how much your venue and cateriing are going to cost because that will determine how much you have left for everything else.

Definitely decide which things are most important to you and which you don't care that much about, and then budget accordingly. Flowers can be expensive, so if you don't care about fancy floral arrangements you can skip those, and even make your own bouquet.

When I got married (in 1986!) there wasn't really an internet, with the wealth of information available that you have now. I found wedding timelines in Bridal magazines, but now all that stuff is online. I found timelines EXTREMELY helpful, knowing in what order things needed to be done, and how far in advance.

We will probably talk about it within the next few weeks, just to get a little better idea of our (general) options. Thankfully we will see each other the next two weekends AND the week of/after Christmas

[Freestep]

Congratulations! How exciting!

One thing I reccomend to EVERYONE who is planning to marry, is pre-marital counseling. Even if you get along great, agree on most everything and never fight, it is always a good idea to consult with a professional therapist to make sure you are on the same page with all the things you haven't even thought of yet. Yes, it can be expensive, especially if you don't have health insurance to pay for it, but I believe it is so important that it's money well spent.

The second thing I advise is to do a wedding the way YOU want it. There is so much pressure from parents, inlaws, the wedding industry, etc. that many people end up doing things they regret later. Weddings are expensive, and with the economy the way it is, it seems almost foolhardy to spend five figures on what amounts to a big party.

My first marriage, I suggested a potluck. That was quickly struck down by the inlaws as "tacky". I suggested we do a Halloween-themed wedding and to have everyone come in costume. Again, denied. I wanted a small wedding. But weddings seem to take on a life of their own, and tend to grow exponentially... if you invite so-and-so, you have to invite so-and-so, and so on... it gets out of control.

At one point I wanted to just give up, say "to heck with it" and elope, and use the money to put a down payment on a house, or something practical like that.

Anyway, I ended up having a big, traditional wedding, which is exactly what I didn't want... granted, it was beautiful and I had a great time, but eight years later when my marriage ended, I had a lot of regrets about the money that was spent on that wedding. To be honest, it really would have been a good move to have saved that money instead of throwing a big party.

For my second marriage, I had a very small, Halloween-themed wedding on Oct 31. We dressed up as a hillbilly bride and groom, had the ceremony in the goat pen with goats, dogs, cats, chickens, turkeys, and geese in attendance. My dad showed up with a shotgun and we had our own hillbilly shotgun wedding. We couldn't afford rings at the time, so we used one of those big hard candy rings for the ceremony (and one of the goats was trying to eat it). We ate barbecue ribs, cornbread, etc. and then went to a party afterward. It was perfect, and exactly what I wanted.

Not saying you should get goofy with it, just saying that you should have it the way YOU want it, not how everyone else expects it to be. I don't know how old you are, but I was only 26 at my first wedding, so I was more impressionable and prone to give in to pressure and expectations. But by 40, I knew better.

[Caledon]

Congratulations.

Only advice I have is to stay true to you and your future groom when making your wedding plans. It can be very easy for things to get out of hand while you try to please everyone.

Sorry, I'm a little bitter on this topic. Send your thank you cards out promptly. My newphew was married in the middle of July and we gave them a sizable cash gift, as did my daughter, son, and parents. Five months later no one has received a thank you card. My opinion of them is very low right now. It was a beautiful wedding, every detail taken care of, but what I will remember 5 years down the road was that they could not be bothered to thank their guests for gifts.

Better not be invited to a baby shower, they are only getting a card, maybe.