The F Word.

[x0emiroxy0x]

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Let me start off by saying I am straight and so is everyone in my family. However, I have had many friends that were not and most of them experienced bullying or public disapproval at some point.

I don't have one side or the other in the gay marriage debate.

However, I am EXTREMELY offended by the term "***got". It honestly infuriates me.

I have been staying at my boyfriend's home for the past month and the daily use of this word has me boiling like a tea kettle.

My boyfriend NEVER used this word ONCE in the entire two+ years we have been dating.

His father and little brother say "Hey ***got" whenever one of them walks in the door, or when ANY of the little brother's friends walk in the door.

This is SO inappropriate and SUCH bad taste, I just can't believe it! The father is the most chivalrous and polite person. He NEVER talks bad or discriminates against anyone...except in this case.

He has brought up his boys "gay is bad" and I find it utterly appalling. If they had a gay friend, they would never bring him home for fear of embarrassment.

I am 99.9% sure one of the little brother's friends is gay, having just discovered it in the past year or so. He is a junior in high school.

However, he will never EVER be able to tell anyone, because being friend with my boyfriend's little brother, he is constantly surrounded by "gay is bad"

We have a group of 6 families that go to dinner together once a week. All normal, very nice, upper class and middle class families. They ALL talk about gays this way. (Never the mothers, only the fathers)

The little boy talks bad about gays every other sentence...almost as if to prove he isn't! Poor thing.

I let my boyfriend know if he EVER uttered that word in my presence, he better be ready for me to not speak with him.

With so many children killing themselves over bullying like this, why are GROWN men acting this way???? I'm 21 and I have more compassion and common sense than any of them!

[katieliz]

***imho***

google psychological defense mechanisms and see which one fits. several of them, or a combination of them do. unfortunately this attitude is passed from generation to generation, and yes you see it mostly in males.

i would have a hard time not taking a stand. if you do decide to speak up for what's right, please do it with strength but without anger (hard i know). thank you for your compassion and your common sense and for being part of the solution and not part of the problem.

[Freestep]

I can't imagine why, in this day and age, anyone would still think it is okay to use epithets for gay people. To me it would be like a white person saying, "Hey, N----r!" But what can you do? If you speak up and say you're offended by the use of the term, they just snicker behind your back and use it even more because they think it's funny.

If you are 21, I'm guessing your boyfriend is close to the same age, so he still has a lot to learn about things. Don't know if there's any hope for the father.

[Jax08]

That word and the N word...I hate those two words.

[x0emiroxy0x]

I have stepped in before to say "ya'll might be offending someone" and they merely retorted "we only say it to eachother"

But they say it to eachother in public restaurants...YELLING across the room when someone walks in the door. Yeah, its a sports bar. But that doesn't matter.

I was thinking sometime when we are alone I could bring it up to his little brother who is going to college soon. A closed mind is the worst thing a person can have. And honestly I don't think there is hope for his dad. Unless I embarrassed him when he said it in public. But that would just ruin any relationship we have. Talking to him seriously about it, he would laugh at me.

[DharmasMom]

Unfortunately there is still a very large, VERY conservative contingent in this country that continues to believe and pass on that homosexuality is a choice, deviant and against God. These people believe they have the right to judge others because they are different.
I made the mistake of dating a guy like this about 10 years ago. It was truly disturbing to see his attitude. And more than a little horrifying. I asked him what he would do if he had a gay son. He flat out said "take him to a priest and a psychologist and if that didn't change is mind, disown him". SERIOUSLY?!?!! Needless to say, that relationship did not work out.

[Liesje]

If people think it's OK to use that word I hope they're OK with me calling them homophobic.

[DharmasMom]

Originally Posted by Liesje

If people think it's OK to use that word I hope they're OK with me calling them homophobic.

I usually call them something else. I can't write it on this board. But it starts with an "A" and has 7 letters.

[Lilie]

Sadly, you can't change people. However, you can change your environment. There are certain jokes, words and conversation topics I don't allow when I'm around. With whom ever I am around.

I don't make a big deal of it. I don't angry. I don't get ugly. I simply say, "Don't say *blank*" when I'm around. Or "Don't talk about *blank* when I'm around". If you don't make a debate out of it, and don't ask for a debate, you'd be surprised how many folks will respect your wishes.

[mthurston0001]

As a white male, I would definatly feel weird about saying those sorts of things. On the flip side though, call me honkey, whitey, or cracker and I would probably laugh.