Confessions Thread

[PaddyD]

Originally Posted by selzer

I accepted two dogs from people and took them to the pound. It was a no-kill shelter at the time.

I did not want either dog.

... I said she was taken care of and nice, probably someone's pet. I called two days later to see if anyone inquired about her and they had sent her to NY. I was ticked because she could have been someone's dog.

I did what I did to save the dogs' lives, perhaps so they would have a life.

I'm confused. Does sending her to NY mean she can't be someone's dog?

My confession: I tend to misunderstand what people write a lot.

[Liesje]

Paddy I think she means that they should have held the dog in case the owner was looking for it.

[Germanshepherdlova]

Lillie, your situation is very understandable. It's called giving him a taste of his own medicine.

[PaddyD]

Originally Posted by Liesje

Paddy I think she means that they should have held the dog in case the owner was looking for it.

Thanks, like I said..... My confession: I tend to misunderstand what people write a lot.


My True Confession: I come to the GSD Forum to avoid doing something constructive.... it's my escape.
Bad Paddy, Bad Bad Paddy.

[Germanshepherdlova]

I am surprised that no one has confessed to being addicted to this forum. I know that I sure miss my vacation when I could spend time on here without feeling guilty. Now my books are staring me in the face, and that basket of laundry that needs folded, and the dog who wants to be taken out to play. Which means that I have to get off of this computer!

[Hatterasser]

This needs a bit of background information to explain. I'll try and make it as short as possible but be prepared. I'm admitting to extreme personal guilt and that takes time. You don’t need to read this.. for me, this is just a long delayed catharsis.

16 years ago, my house went through the beginning of a reconstruction from damage due to a hurricane. It was never completed as my contractor ended up in 'Club Fed' for drugs, booze, and assaulting a park ranger. Left the interior with unfinished electrical wiring, holes in walls, windows/doors untrimmed, etc.

14 years ago, my now ex brought 3 rental truckloads of belongings to the house from a 15 room house we had sold in upstate NY. He had all the stuff brought in and dumped anywhere there was space (e.g. on top of the dining room table, on beds, etc.) I've never finished cleaning it up but then I had some good reasons....the following years were filled with overwhelming problems, as you will see ahead.

13 years ago, I had a heart attack. I recall the EMT guys saying my BP was 60 over 20 and they were losing me and my telling them "I do not plan to die." Needless to say, I didn't but took a year or two to recover fully.

11 years ago, I had a brain hemorrhage...was in a coma for almost a month, had surgery that cut out part of my skull to keep me alive, as it had been determined I would at least have about a 40% survival with the surgery. I lived. But I suffered for several years with aphasia (loss of speech), memory problems, loss of balance, weakness, etc. Lived like a zombie for a long time until I finally took a grip on my life and began the long hard road to recovery.

A month or two after I came home from the hospital, my divorce was being finalized and my ex rummaged through the house to dig out what he wanted, messing up the stuff that was still around from the original dumping, and left the rest behind, even more messy than before.

5 years ago, just about feeling somewhat like my old self, took a trip to Ireland, where I suffered a stomach hemorrhage, and spent two weeks in two ICU's of two different hospitals until surgery sealed off the bleeding artery. Came home and faced another couple years of recovery.

3 years ago..2008...pension annihilated! Had had to re-mortgage the house to pay off ex for his half of value of house and used pension to pay the mortgage. No pension, no mortgage payments. Thus began 2 and 1/2 years of fighting the bank for loan modification. Faced foreclosure for 2 years of that time. Really stressful as I've lived in this house for almost 30 years and really wanted to spend my final years here.

As a result, at the age of 70, I'm working two jobs that are sometimes steady and sometimes not (aftermath of Hurricane Irene is a good example..I was laid off and have only been called back for a day or two a week. Not enough to cover even my new reduced mortgage payment. Stress, stress, stress upon stress.

So, FINALLY, to the point of guilt.

The house still has an unfinished interior (and I can't afford to have the work done). The piles of stuff that were dumped years ago are still where they were then. I never have anyone come to visit as I'm mortified at what the inside looks like, especially when you understand that before the work began on the house all those years ago I ran a B&B that was one of the top 5 in the mid-Atlantic region according to the Washington Post. A roof leak from Hurricane Isabel in 2003 has caused me to add to the disaster area by recently tearing out the wall/insulation of my bathroom.

The problem is I have fallen into total apathy. I have a few days off and I look at the house and retreat to a book, the computer, the tv, anything but making any effort to sort out and clean up the mess. I can't .. I just simply cannot .. force myself to do anything useful. The lack of funds to get the necessary work done depresses me so I find myself saying to myself, "Who cares?" and just ignore it all. The entire mess totally overwhelms me.

But I'm even more overwhelmed by guilt. I hate living like this. I'm a neat freak by nature, a place for everything and everything in its place. I don't want to live my last years like this but I can't motivate myself to do anything about it.

I know this is has been long but then it's been so long since I've said any of this to anyone....thanks for giving me a place to get some of this off my chest. It's not going to get the house any more straightened out but I feel better about admitting it. *smiles ruefully*

[selzer]

Addicted to the forum? Are you addicted to the forum if you sit here haunched over the random thread and active topics rather than getting your house cleaned like you should?

[Lilie]

Hatterasser - big, big hugs to you!

[selzer]

Diane, I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. With all those medical issues, getting the house under control would be impossible. My last post was not about you, but about me, and posted prior to me reading yours. My house is a wreck. I do not have any good excuse for it. Just that after losing my job, and having a small surgery, I just lost steam. And The boxes that the dog food comes in are filling my house up, and the bags are filling the room up. And worrying about money and health and no job, and my dogs is paralyzing at times. I am going to start with one thing, one manageable thing and get that done every day, and try to drag myself out of this.

I am sorry if my post seemed to come across as an answer to yours. It was not, and it took too long to read yours to edit mine.

I hope things get better for you soon.

[jang]

diane, there are lots of church youth groups that need a good hardworking project..perhaps a few phone calls to the right pastor might give them the idea to come and help someone as obviously in need as you--both physically and spiritually (i mean that in the the nicest way--this sort of thing could be so uplifting for you) ..i don't know the protocol in this forum regarding prayer--but it truly does help..blessings and best of luck to you
jan