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Old 01-04-2013, 08:14 AM   #29371 (permalink)
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Your sister is not a person that could survive with me and my siblings. She might as well wear a sign on her head that says "Mess with me. It's fun and easy"

It's so sad that a person has to make everyone around them miserable to make themselves feel better.
The only problem is that she doesn't attempt to make ME miserable...she takes it all out on my mom. I think she knows that we'll do our best to avoid conflict because none of us (aside from her, apparently) want to cause my mom all of that stress. The way she talks about her, you'd think my mother was the absolute worst person in the world! Is she perfect? No. But she's certainly not THAT awful.

But she's also a person that you can't argue with and expect to get anywhere. Nothing will change her mind. She will always be "right" as far as she's concerned. I'm tempted to believe that she goes home, jots down what was said in the argument, and finds some way of using every statement we made against us at some later point in our lives. It's incredible the amount of effort she puts into what she does.

Now, I am convinced that there is SOMETHING wrong, and I'd like to believe that she is still getting help. I know she was at some point, but who knows now. She swings back and forth - she'll be fine for a while (treating my mother kindly), and then she'll snap. It doesn't take much. Sometimes it's just argumentative...sometimes she totally flies off of her rocker and flips out. Last time I tried to guess at what could be going on, she threatened to sue my mother and I for slander, so....who knows.

She really is a piece of work. My life is definitely much simpler when interaction with her is not required!
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:58 AM   #29372 (permalink)
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My UPS guy is going to HATE me. I just ordered 75lbs worth of pet food/treats.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:06 AM   #29373 (permalink)
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Thanks FedEx guy for leaving my package at the end of my 1/8 mile driveway in a snow bank. Also for not leaving me any type of note saying it was in said snow bank.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:59 AM   #29374 (permalink)
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Evan - this is your half sister? Is your mom, her mom also?
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:07 PM   #29375 (permalink)
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Evan - this is your half sister? Is your mom, her mom also?
Sorry, I guess my wording was a bit confusing there! Yes, we have the same mom.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:21 PM   #29376 (permalink)
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I guess there are two possible solutions to this.
1) Your Mom has to stand up and tell her as long as she treats her badly she will not have anything to do with her. A little tough love may or may not work
2) You and your siblings need to explain to her that if she continues to behave this way you will dunk her in the nearest snowbank and continue to do so until she can behave as an adult.

That's a tough situation. She definitely would not last with my family. We'd have dunked her already.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:44 PM   #29377 (permalink)
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It is a tough situation, unfortunately. We've essentially tried both routes - they didn't work. Her behavior is more managed than it is fixed. My mom has gotten BETTER about ignoring her attempts to start arguments, but...she's not always great about standing up for herself. My sister has a lovely way with words - she finds a weak point and strikes hard. It doesn't matter how many times you remind yourself that she's an angry person, etc. She still somehow manages to find a way to say something that cuts deep. And she NEVER apologizes. I don't think I've heard an apology come out of her in my entire life.

I guess the main issue is that she's so unpredictable. She can be quite a nice person, but she can also be terrifying. I have her blocked on Facebook, I blocked her number from my phone. I had enough the moment she checked the county auditor's website to find my address to come and beat on my door trying to tell me that I had kidnapped her (adult) daughter....who had called and tearfully asked me to come and pick up her and her wife because her mom wouldn't stop screaming at them.

I'm more okay with cutting ties with her because I was never that close with her. There's about a 13-14 year age gap between us, and I'm much closer with my niece (who is only 2 years younger than I am). My mom struggles with it more, but she also has a harder time with putting her foot down and saying that enough is enough.

Besides. She'd probably try to charge me for assault if I dunked her in a snowbank.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:55 PM   #29378 (permalink)
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wow...is she bi-polar? She definitely doesn't sound stable. Mental illness is so hard to deal with for all.
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:11 PM   #29379 (permalink)
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She certainly seems like it. At times, it also seems more borderline personality disorder. Of course, she'll never tell us if she is. I don't know if she's even seeing the therapist and psychiatrist that she was before.

I think that's the only reason we haven't all cut ties COMPLETELY. We figure there's something going on, and all we can do is avoid adding fuel to the fire when she's struggling, and be very very receptive of positive behavior. I will ignore her entirely now if she's being grumpy, argumentative, etc. But if she's being friendly? I'll engage in conversation, I'll make sure to give her a hug goodbye, etc. It's about all I can do.

To make myself laugh, I like to think of it as the same method for training dogs.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:22 PM   #29380 (permalink)
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Sometimes, when I'm listening to someone, my mind wanders to thoughts of punching them in the nose.

Then I remember that I really don't want to go to jail. And suddenly I realize I haven't heard a word they've said.
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