A Sense of Wonder - Jaded - Melancholy

[Branca's Mom]

Was there ever something in your life that you LOVED but now feel slightly ambivalent about?

For me it is Flying and Travel, and yea, even Dogs.

I was feeling seriously melancholy last night and woke up to it this morning. It comes down to having lost my sense of "something" when I travel and am around dogs.

I remember the first time I went up in the air. I was about 5 and a family friend took me up in his plane and let me do a little flying..... LOL I was enthralled. Then remember the first time I took a commercial flight, how wonderful it was just going to the airport, checking in, going thru (what today would be a joke) security. Waiting for the plane, feeling so incredible when the FA, then called stewardesses (who were also under 30 years old and normally beautiful) came around with a meal and drink for us. I would talk to the people around me, "where are you going?" and tell them where I was going, etc etc etc, no doubt annoying my seatmates.....

I was GOING somewhere exciting and fun!! Almost all the time I was traveling alone, meeting someone at the destination and it was the thrill the anticipation of seeing them. Of seeing a new place or country, something so new and very different from home. I can still remember the feeling of ???? remember it so well I can almost taste it.

I was normally flying coach and couldn't care less. Mostly because the planes were half empty and you could put your bags away in the overhead bins with no problem and stretch out and be comfortable. I think traveling was one of the most wonderful things in my life, everything about it was incredible and exciting.

Now, I feel no more than a tug of anticipation. I feel Melancholy when I get on the plane (now normally in First instead of the back of the plane due to status and upgrades) and I KNOW I have lost something, and I don't know what it is but I know that having lost that wonderful feeling for something so important to me and is a great loss indeed.

The second thing is dogs. I used to have a love for dogs, I saw a dog I HAD to get my hands on them, pet them, love them. Now, I find myself very ambivalent about them. I think it came to living with a person who bred and trailed and being around others who competed competitively. I came to almost hate being around dogs during those times. I saw such abuse of dogs around me at times that I had to close off my heart to my feelings of love for them to protect myself. I think I will forever regret that. I still can't quite seem to re-capture that feeling of love of dogs. That too is an incredible loss that is almost indescribable.

Yea, I am feeling seriously melancholy today.....

[Lilie]

Yes, I think we've all been there at some point in our lives. I truly wish I had some stupendous words of wisdom to share with you. Something that would make you feel better and understand the changes in your life. Hopefully knowing that if I could I would makes you feel a little better.

[holland]

...maybe doing something fun will help...I feel that way about schutzhund when Rorie was a puppy and in the begining I had so much fun doing it...we had some great experiences...now I just feel blah about it...I still enjoy my dogs though I will always enjoy them and we do lots of fun stuff together...and I would love to travel more but thats because I haven't done that in a while...Hope that you have a better day

[doggiedad]

the feeling about flying i can some what
understand. maybe the flying became routine.

not loving dogs, i don't understand. why you witnessed
so much abuse is crazy. did you speak out about the abuse?

maybe you need a puppy? , .

[DinoBlue]

Innocence lost….

[JeanKBBMMMAAN]

Tammy, that is very sad.

I get the travel thing, it seems to become more of a chore when it's all on our shoulders instead of a family event.

With the dogs...maybe going in another direction and offering your local GSD rescue some free training or socialization where you can pay back the dogs from the past by helping dogs in the now. You may feel better when you feel like you've repaid them. And of course those sweet rescue dogs always make people feel better, so willing to try to trust again, they are great teachers.

[Liesje]

I think I know what you mean. I tend to really throw myself at something 110% and make a lot of new friends any time I'm really into something, and as time passes people who were once "obsessed" just kinda fall by the way side. I lived, ate, breathed, slept gymnastics for so long....I have thrown everything I have - time, money, energy - at training my dogs and just being involved in this breed and it doesn't yet come close to filling the void that gymnastics left, but maybe in time I'll get over it, or get over dogs....I don't know, it's not me, but I've seen it happen to others so I don't think it is rare to burn out and move on.

[ozzymama]

Originally Posted by Branca's Mom

I feel Melancholy when I get on the plane (now normally in First instead of the back of the plane due to status and upgrades) and I KNOW I have lost something, and I don't know what it is but I know that having lost that wonderful feeling for something so important to me and is a great loss indeed.

Well Tammy I had to fly stand-by last flight, in coach, dogs in cargo and you aren't really missing anything, because I was flying stand-by I couldn't get extra long room for my legs and I think the person beside me had one of those breakfast burritos for breakfast........

I usually find when I lose interest in one thing something else opens up, or I go through swings with things, right now I am getting bored at work, not wanting to get up and go, normally I roll out of bed at 5am ready to french kiss the morning! Now I lay in bed til 5:45 complaining to the dogs "I don't wanna go to work!" That will change in a month! When my winter schedule is over. I used to walk for hours every day, then for many years didn't, but I am back to it again, almost 15 years later, I walk an hour after supper every night, a half-hour after I complain about getting out of bed and try 9/10 times successfully to get one hour in later before bed, weekends find me on the trails or at the conservation areas, it came back full circle on me. I had to remember why I loved to walk, and the last year has done that, I needed to think. I think best when I am walking.

[Wetdog]

Well Tammy, maybe it is time for a change. In the words of Monty Python, "And Now, For Something Completely Different".

Why not try something you NEVER would have done otherwise?

Just a couple of suggestions. Why not try renting an RV, pack up the dogs with you and head out for someplace close by that you would never have gone to see.

Unless I'm mistaken, Blue Ridge, Smokey Mountain and Shenandoah Valley are near you. How about a leisurely cruise through them? The dogs would love it, and I have a feeling you might too.

If you don't know much about handling an RV, you could get a quick course from the dealer you rent it from, and there are always people in the campgrounds that can help---all you have to do is ask.

Or head for the shore and try a little surf fishing.

Or take a train excursion.

Or take a cruise. Something I always thought might be fun---you can book passage on freighters too if you are not in a big hurry. The articles I've seen about it gave me the impression that it is in fact, nothing at all like the idea that most people have of it being uncomfortable and spartan. The fellow that wrote the article that got me interested in it took a freighter because he could take his dog along at no extra cost.

Anyway---as I said, just suggestions---the point is, maybe you will find something that presses a button in you that has never been pressed before.

Good luck! I hope you find something. HEY! Why not come on out here? There's a lot to see and do around here, and Dixie and Riga always love to meet new people and dogs.

[Branca's Mom]

I do actually love the mountains....

but a trip with Branca now is out of the question. She is 12.5 years old now and for all intents and purposes, completely blind.

Maybe I will see you out in Portland someday. Are you still working at the VA?