I have an issue with my daughter's best friend...

[StarryNite]

Well, not with her, but with her mom and family.... I don't know where to start or what to do about it. They live across the street from us. The mom is white and has two African American girls and one 3 year old Caucasian boy. The father, of the two girls, at least, passed away years ago.

The oldest girl, who is my daughter's best friend, is wonderful, she is here almost ALL the time and I adore her. I won't go on with every issue but I see SO many people go in and out of their home all the time, always big guys that seem like party people. The mom has a lot of parties and I have never been able to "connect" with her when we have talked, she seems to avoid me in that way. She is 28 or so I think and Caucasian.

I won't go on about past things but tonight.... her daughter is here for a sleepover with my daughter and I found out early in the evening (around 9pm) that my daughter has a 101 temperature and tried to contact Kylies mom to send Kylie home so she wouldn't get sick as well. She wouldn't answer even though I know she should be home as she has the 3 year old and 6 year old there (she even told me her 6 year old daughter was having a sleepover at their house).

So after trying a few times with no answer on the phone I walked Kylie (this is around 9:15pm) across the street and she rang the doorbell multiple times and banged on the door and then we finally went around back and saw a light on in the top window and she yelled for her mom (which I told her to stop and I would try to call again). Numerous calls later she still doesn't answer.

I am concerned because I think that they are "stepping out" and leaving the small children home alone once they are asleep. I know those kids are at home tonight and there is NO way they could not hear the doorbell going that long and the banging on the door by Kylie. There has been several issues with the Police with this family, one where I saw the mom's sister out my window drive drunk and elude a police officer and RUN into the back of the home.

How do I handle this? I will give her the benefit of the doubt but I can't imagine not hearing Kylie ringing the doorbell multiple times and banging on the door as she did.... I do know they are major "party people" from what I have seen, as well. Kylie was laying in Maya's bed alone tonight crying because she wanted to go home because I had to put Maya in my bed and separate them due to Maya's fever.

My husband thinks that her mom and her mom's boyfriend who lives with them went out to the bars and left the small kids alone. I can't confirm this but it seems so odd that they would not make themselves available when their daughter is not in their home. I don't know, I just love Kylie so much I worry for her welfare...

Should I just leave it alone? My husband said he doesn't want Maya and Kylie to have sleepovers anymore since I can't get a hold of her mom and what if an emergency...

[LisaT]

Can I ask why you posted the race of each?

[Riley's Mom]

I haven't figured out yet what race has to do with your question, what color their skin is makes no difference at all unless I'm missing something, so I'll just reply to what I see as the real problem.

You can anonymously call the police and ask them to check the welfare of the children you think may be being left home alone at an age that is to young. It's best to do this at a time you feel the children *are* home alone so that the police have a chance to get there while they are alone.

Keep in mind that anonymous calls aren't the most helpful many times because if the police do not witness anything on their own, they cannot proceed further. They would need a written statement from you to what *you* witnessed and your willingness to go to court and testify should it come to that. This is many times where the police have problems because when they get there, they may not find a problem - Mom could have come home or whatever, so then they have nothing on their own.

A lot of people are really afraid to give their names for fear of retribution. If you're afraid to have a squad show up at your house, go down to the police department instead, that way your neighbors have no idea who would have notified the police. You can honestly say "there were no police at my house" which some people would take to mean you didn't call the cops.

The welfare of the kids is the most important thing here. It does sound like you might be right in your thinking, somethin' just ain't right here.

Another thing you can do is to keep a journal of the dates/times you think those kids have been left alone, also include the dates/times these guys are showing up, get the license plates, jot down the people & car descriptions. Keep records of as much of anything and everything as you feel might be "not right" going on there. The more info you give, the more the police have to work with.

[StarryNite]

Okay, so because I posted their race I am a racist? You know what, forget it, I'll figure it out on my own. I love this little girl and I just want her to be safe.

[LisaT]

It was just a question....I didn't see how the race was relevant, maybe I missed something?

Riley's Mom gave you some good advice, I'm sure that you will get some more.

[StarryNite]

you focus on what I said about their race and NOT about the issue, that is what is what you missed. I didn't hear any advice from you except the racial question?

[LisaT]

Well, if you really want to know the truth, I focused on where you chose to start. To describe the situation, you didn't talk about the situation, you talked about the race as a starting point, and as a defining point.

Instead of drawing conclusions about that, I thought I would ask first.

[StarryNite]

I am sorry if I said something wrong because I mentioned the race of the kids, there is a lot more than I have posted in the past year of knowing the family and I suppose posting the race of the children really doesn't have anything to do with it besides the fact that there are multiple fathers for the kids, but you know what, I am not going to post on this board anymore, at all. Was great to know you all but I came here for advice and considered you all friends and now I feel like a horrible person for just mentioning the race of the children.

[LisaT]

Don't go away. Wouldn't that be inconsiderate of the very helpful answer that Riley's Mom posted? I don't think I made any judgements, racial topics are always touchy, but as you noted, you need help with the actual topic. Looks like there are folks here with info that can help.

[StarryNite]

The thing is, racial topics are not touchy to me... because I don't see a difference, I know it exists somehow still but I don't see it, so no, I am not touchy about it... Sorry, I am very emotional tonight, been a long night nursing my daughter's temperature and Kylies tears for not being able to go home... Seriously, I am just tired....