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What do you tell people?

102K views 155 replies 104 participants last post by  car2ner 
#1 ·
When you have an aggressive/fearful dog, or one that you don't want pet/doesn't want or like to be pet and people are interested in interacting?

Reading a few threads recently I realized that there are a lot more nippy/aggressive/fearful dogs owned here than I thought with great owners managing them.

So when you're out in public with your dog that you don't want pet for whatever reason, what do you tell people? Do you not care and just sound rude? Do you try to explain it? Lie?

As most of you know, Frag has had weird aggression issues in the past, none involving lunging/snapping/biting, and only growling, but still not something I would ever let get to the point, so when we're out in public I do not let strangers pet him. I'm finding it more difficult to convey my reasoning to them, and it's getting on my last nerve. If I don't reason, they don't listen. I don't want to come off as a complete witch before they do anything wrong, but they will do something wrong if I don't have a great reason and I don't want that happening. Just don't want to put Frag in the situation, even if he appears absolutely fantastic with strange people now.

Usually conversations in public go something like this...

Them: "Oh, pretty dog, what's his name?"
Me: "Frag" (apparently this is permission for them to pet my dog..)
Them: *reaches to pet*
Me: Please don't pet my dog. *body blocking/moving*
Them: "Why not?"

Then I either say he doesn't like to be pet and they freak out saying he's aggressive (which I don't want people to think), or I'll say that he has allergies and can't be pet and they condescendingly question it while I want to punch them in their face.

I don't put myself in the position to be approached by many, usually I walk away when I see their interest, but when I do it's so annoying and frustrating. I'd prefer not to be a witch about it, but it's hard to find the right way not to.

So what's everyone else's line?
 
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#31 ·
That is a very good post Jean.

I love all of the responses to this, too. I just wish Frag's issues had been more fearful and basic, and easier to work with. We have been to two trainers (one also a behaviorist) about him(group classes + a behavior consult), and didn't get a lot accomplished with him because he was not consistent and what we could explain did not make much sense. Jean Dodds helped a little, and we've been able to make up our own theories about it and manage/treat those which seem to have worked, but they sound absolutely idiotic to most people and we look like fools with an aggressive dog we're in denial about or something. *le sigh*
 
#32 ·
great post Jean, just wanted to reitterate what she said about kids not being able to read...Good point:)

Honestly around here, whether I have that vest on her or not, not many people even 'ask' to pet her, ok by me, and ok by her. Most people look at the big bad wolf, who shows absolutely no emotion really, when we encounter strangers and I guess just don't see that "waggy golden tail I wanna meet ya" type, so for the most part avoid physical contact with her.

Home is a different story, she'd let an axe murderer in my house and probably lick them to death:)
 
#33 ·
I have one overtly friendly GSD, one fairly friendly GSD, and a Pekingese who wants it on his own terms.

I used to worry about my overly open dog. When we go shopping or out on walks, she'll be in a heel next to me, and the moment someone goes "Ohhh...can I pet him/her?" (she's frequently mistaken to be male for some reason), she won't break that heel, but you can see her practically quivering with the anticipation of meeting this new person. And so when I give her the go-ahead, she's all about the love (she likes to rub on legs like a cat and lick hands) and she mumbles and "talks" to them and dances like a fool.
I USED to worry. She has shown me that she's a decent judge of character and that happy-waggy-butt is not applicable to all strangers. She has delivered some warning barks to some and even did a bark and hold across the fence at our druggie neighbor. She's just an open dog, and since she does legitimately enjoy attention from anyone who will lavish it on her, I just always make sure she has a handle on her obedience when someone asks to pet.

My Peke is a different story. While not aggressive, he does have some pet peeves that always seem to be the thing people insist on wanting to do with a small dog, his main one being that he HATES being picked up. He also is not particular about being petted directly atop his head, nor does he like people putting their faces up to his. I'm always sure to warn for both of those when people ask if they can pet, and because the face thing has become an issue as of late for some reason I can't explain (not sure why people NEED to squish my Peke's face and make kissy faces at him), I don't allow people to kneel down to pet him anymore.

Our last Pekingese was not well socialized at all. We had her from the time I was four until I was eighteen years old. And for her, well, she only had one eye, so that was a good deterrent from people wanting to pet, but for those who found it endearing and still wanted to touch her, we would just tell them that she was just not a friendly dog and we didn't want them to potentially be bitten. It was blunt enough to get the point across, illustrated that a bite was a possibility and that I was concerned enough with their safety to not take a chance. She had not ever actually bitten anybody, but was very leery of strangers, particularly as she got older, and I was not that hard up for anyone to like my one-eyed dog.
 
#34 ·
Danielle - I highly recommend taking him to Brenda Aloff and getting her opinion. She has is amazing at reading dogs (and also horses) and is also very blunt. She will be able to give you some things to do, things to work on and perhaps reasons he does what he does and what to expect. She did wonders for Madix and I - who was the "lunge and try to bite you as soon as you look like you might pet him" type.

ETA: I told people that wanted to pet him that we were training. Madix knew to give eye contact whenever someone made him nervous so it would actually look like training or I would throw in a Fuss! command as we were passing an interested party so that it was clear we were doing something...honestly though, I never had one person ignore my "no" to petting, it was probably the death stare that Madix would offer around my body block if I let him break eye contact...lol
 
#38 ·
Danielle - I highly recommend taking him to Brenda Aloff and getting her opinion. She has is amazing at reading dogs (and also horses) and is also very blunt. She will be able to give you some things to do, things to work on and perhaps reasons he does what he does and what to expect. She did wonders for Madix and I - who was the "lunge and try to bite you as soon as you look like you might pet him" type.
Thank you for the recommendation. I will keep the name on hand. Frag has not been displaying any of the hostile growling for many months now, thankfully, and I like to hope it is because we got his allergies under control. We are working towards our GCG and it's going well, but under very controlled circumstances for my peace of mind. I don't think at this point he would growl at anyone in public stores, etc. and I'm positive he wouldn't jump straight to a bite, but I don't like risking it if it isn't necessary and in most cases, it's not. If I want someone to pet him, I can instruct them how to do so to set him up for success and he's fine. But if by chance it crops up in the future again, she will be the first on my list to call because I hate feeling like I can't take my dog anywhere for fear of him growling and embarrassing me/bein a liability.
 
#35 ·
what a great and informative thread. can't add anything except that yes, brenda aloff is WON-DER-FUL.
 
#36 ·
People usually don't ask to pet Dakota in public, because we only take him to the vet or on walks. When they do we tell them flat out he is afraid of people and has bit before. That works. However, when people come to our house, sometimes that doesn't work. They insist on petting him. He growls. He hasn't bitten anyone since the first person years ago. But I will never understand WHY they pet him when I tell them he will bite them!
 
#37 ·
oh vicki, i totally would not give dakota the opportunity to ever bite anyone in your home (or anywhere else actually), huge possibility there for a giant lawsuit, not to mention the possibility of him injuring someone and losing his life because of it. as you've seen, people can be so foolish sometimes and just don't listen when they're told something, even if it's for their own good.
 
#39 ·
I can't really add to what Jean so comprehensively put together, but I will say that the line "I'm sorry, she's very shy" works wonderfully to stop people from trying to pet Rosa. Of course, the fact that Rosa usually gets behind me backs up my statement. I've never had anyone persist in trying to pet Rosa. If the person looks really disappointed, I will give them a treat that they can try to give her (which she will then spit out and only eat when I give it to her, lol).

With Niko, people do not ask to pet him. I don't get much closer that 15 - 20 feet from strangers, and we are focused on each other, clearly in training mode, and it seems like people understand this and don't try to interrupt us. If anyone did approach us, Niko would react and bark/possibly lunge (we are working on this) and the person would have to be a grade A fool to keep on coming. At which point I would drag Niko away. I don't think Niko would bite, but I don't take any chances.
 
#40 ·
Usually I don't mind my dog being approached, he's friendly to most of the strangers, but he can be very brute and jumpy, giving you one of those painful head bumps lol. Usually I warn the stranger that he's like that (although they can see by his jumpiness).

But well, due to having a few cases of stealing dogs in my country, I hesitate more at letting people know that my dog is friendly. I even find myself acting as if I'm a bit afraid of my dog walking near some people (like looking slightly stressed, holding the leash more firmly near me and calling my dog's name) so that they might think that the dog could be mean with them (but just with adult men not women or children).

But honestly, I would hesitate on approaching big dogs I do not know of. This is coz you never know what issue they have, and you could end up with a bad bite just for doing affectionate attention drawing noises (I've got snapped by a big dog coz of that once when I was younger).

The weirdest things that happened were once, a man caught us by surprise by suddenly appearing in front of us with his baby and just sticked her right on my dog's face. I didn't even notice him until then, and I was shocked that I did not know what to do! He said that it was for my dog to know her... Maybe he's looking forward to a dog biting his daughter to get rich from a lawsuit??
Another weird situation but not so extreme was that once, my dog was being very reactive towards another dog in the neighborhood. My partner was holding him while he was jumping and barking, and then a stranger passed by and made those affectionate attention drawing noises...

Somehow, it just seems that people either loves him, get really afraid of him (some people gets all stiff with eyes wide open as if they see a ghost at distance), or do really weird things in front of him...
 
#41 ·
it all depends on the situation with Sam. if there are kids around and they see him they always seem to be attracted to him. i simple say "sorry kids, Sam isn't used to kids, and he is working and supposed to be paying attention to me" which is usually the case when we are in public, he is healing and doing Obedience and focusing on me. i just keep a close eye on my surroundings. lots of excuses you can use. he's working, he's not friendly, he doesn't like to be petted by strangers, or you can just turn and walk the other way, that usually gives a good hint. i find most people realize i am working with him keeping his attention., and don't bother. the kids are the ones that see a dog and want to pet..........
 
#42 ·
Jäger isn't fearful of a biter, but he is very aloof and will posture at people who unknowingly posture at him. I tell everyone talk to me first. Sometimes I actually teach someone what posturing is, and show them both how they trigger a reaction from jäger, and how they can approach and pet him without a reaction. He is very predictable in that way
 
#43 ·
Well said JeanKBBMMMAAN..I wonder if not the handler's attitude is of issue more so than the dog's.
I am interpreting some strong animosity to others in general from some of the comments in this thread. All of which your dog will pickup and feed from and likely respond accordingly. We often fail to consider ourselves as the root catalyst of fault...just saying.

A simple smile while stating "Trixie is not feeling very well for company today, but thank you" should at least dissuade most and encourage friendly dialogue and set a good behavioral example for your dog..otherwise go with your 'karate chops and pepper spray' as your most effectual deterrent.

"Why does my dog act like I feel?"
 
#44 ·
I agree this is awkward. Especially if you have a really handsome dog! With children I always say NO, or put my hand up in a stay/stop gesture. With adults, I feel it out more. For women it is often a yes, especially if they themselves own dogs, or they are blonde and act fairly normal, my daughters are blonde and my dog has a good association. With men I must be more cautious, usually I say once my dog gets to know you, or if she shows an interest. There's been only a few times she's really warmed up to a strange man, and in talking to the men we've found out they've had large, or GSD dogs in the past.

But if I don't want to deal with anyone, I just say "No" as they approach, or "no" if they ask to pet. No explanations, I don't need to, whoever wants to pet and cannot make up their own explanations.
 
#45 ·
Benny is very good with children and I always lets them pet him, but try to instruct them a bit on the way to approach a dog. He is good with most women but not good with most men. It is all in the way they approach him. I can tell by the way Benny is acting whether he will be ok with the person and if I see him start to tense, I just tell them no.
 
#46 ·
I just tell people the truth...The dog is fine but I am not. If something goes wrong I am the one who is going to get sued and it is my Assets that will be lost....my dog will probably be fine but I dont want to take the chances of me losing $$ or even worse, my dog being put down. I had a family come up to me (Woman and her kids) and the kids were playing and everything was fine until the dad got out of his softball game and approached us with a bat in his hand...LOL...luckliy I caught it before things went bad but my dog protects and does not like strange men...The family told me "He is just doing his job, awesome dog"...yeah and if he would have bitten the dad in the face would you guys be saying that??? Nope, i would be getting hit with a lawsuit and facing putting my dog down. Sorry, just too risky for me. Most of the time, my dog tells them...always amazes me how parents just let their kids run up to any dog...yeah my dog like kids but how do they know that??
 
#48 ·
My dog is very unpredictable when it comes to strangers approaching him. He is a 21 month old, un-nuetered Heidelberg, and is EXTREMELY protective.

In fact, I have had to incidences while walking him where someone, a complete stranger to both of us, will approach in a friendly way with the whole "oooooooh my goooosh that is a beautiful dog.... hiii boyyyy" attitude. Jerry Lee becomes completely aggressive, snarling, growling, snapping, hair spiked, the whole nine yards. This is usually enough for the person to keep walking. I just apologize and tell them he doesn't like strangers.

At home it is a different story. Granted, when a person Jerry Lee does not know comes into the house it seems like Jerry Lee reacts based off of my attitude. For example, the only people I allow willingly into my house are obviously people I know (and i think Jerry understands this). Jerry is on guard for a bit (if he recognizes them he is friendly as can be), but after I "introduce" them via letting Jerry smell them and what not, a few minutes go by and Jerry seems to be ok. Granted, he is not by any means their best friend and reminds weary of them, but I know I don't have to worry about him attacking.

All of that being said. I am EXTREMELY happy with the way Jerry Lee acts in public and in private. I do not want anyone getting close to me I do not know, and Jerry DOES NOT allow that. Yet he warms up to people somewhat quickly in a comfortable envoirment (i.e. at home, not while on a walk/run). It also seems that this breed has a remarkable memory as Jerry seems to remember people he as met before. I researched long and hard before I purchased a dog, and the GSD's faithfulness, loyalty, proctectiveness and intelligence are second to none... that is exactly why I chose to get one.

Absolutely no regrets this far.
 
#65 ·
My dog is very unpredictable when it comes to strangers approaching him. He is a 21 month old, un-nuetered Heidelberg, and is EXTREMELY protective.

Unpredictable is bad with this breed, shows loss of control.

In fact, I have had to incidences while walking him where someone, a complete stranger to both of us, will approach in a friendly way with the whole "oooooooh my goooosh that is a beautiful dog.... hiii boyyyy" attitude. Jerry Lee becomes completely aggressive, snarling, growling, snapping, hair spiked, the whole nine yards. This is usually enough for the person to keep walking. I just apologize and tell them he doesn't like strangers.

Without a reason for this behavior, completely unwarranted. Behavior described is symptomatic of Fear/Human Aggression. Giving all the signals to stay away and being rewarded for it by the human walking away.

At home it is a different story. Granted, when a person Jerry Lee does not know comes into the house it seems like Jerry Lee reacts based off of my attitude. For example, the only people I allow willingly into my house are obviously people I know (and i think Jerry understands this). Jerry is on guard for a bit (if he recognizes them he is friendly as can be), but after I "introduce" them via letting Jerry smell them and what not, a few minutes go by and Jerry seems to be ok. Granted, he is not by any means their best friend and reminds weary of them, but I know I don't have to worry about him attacking.

For a balanced dog, there shouldn't be a worry about the dog attacking in the first place.

All of that being said. I am EXTREMELY happy with the way Jerry Lee acts in public and in private. I do not want anyone getting close to me I do not know, and Jerry DOES NOT allow that.

It shouldn't be up to Jerry to allow anything, it isn't his decision to make.

Yet he warms up to people somewhat quickly in a comfortable envoirment (i.e. at home, not while on a walk/run).

He warms up to people quickly in his home due to no stress factors ie comfortable environment. Out on a walk, not on his home turf, his stress is through the roof and you get the behavior you are seeing.

It also seems that this breed has a remarkable memory as Jerry seems to remember people he as met before. I researched long and hard before I purchased a dog, and the GSD's faithfulness, loyalty, proctectiveness and intelligence are second to none... that is exactly why I chose to get one.

Absolutely no regrets this far.
I sincerely hope you have no future regrets as well. What you have described is a bite waiting to happen. If you haven't spoken with a trainer, I strongly urge you to.

A well balanced GSD that just watches, is aloof, and not doing the berserk dance is just as much a deterrent as one who is uncontrollable due to fear. Just much more safer for those passing by, himself and you.
 
#49 ·
any dog that acts uncontrollable and unpredictible in public is NOT a strong nerved dog, weak nerved dogs are the ones who put on a show of hackles,growling,barking,lunging etc.. a truly stable nerved confident dog shows None of those behaviors as they are truly confident and strong nerved.... while some people like a weak nerved dog acting like that and think that the dog is being protective, its not. the dog is being fearful and putting on a show to keep people away.. a stable gsd let alone any breed or mutt that is confident and has strong good genetics wont act like a fool in public.....

you can always say your dog is in training please dont approach. that usually works
 
#51 ·
Not sure what your credentials are, or who and what made you and expert judge, but my dog is a not uncontrollable. In fact in public he is fine. He just does not like being approached by people. He gets along with other dogs great - anywhere and anytime. Perhaps you do not want your dog acting protective or aggressive but I certainly do. He is a great guard dog. What good is a "strong nerved" dog, as you call it, who lets people approach. Perhaps YOUR dog acts like a fool in public. Keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.. I did not ask for it nor did I ask for you to critique my post. Thanks.
 
#50 ·
Lucky has some issues .the first being he has some pain in his right front joint and really weak pasturs. In the past 4 years he has become more "owy'. On vacation I was careful to instruct people on when they can approach. He fell in love w/one lady and really took to a ranger who was a former K-9 officer. he actually held his leash so that I could take a TC.Otherwise I really did not let people approach. Some of that was also I wanted away from people and just did not want to be bothered.
 
#56 ·
To each their own I suppose.

I was responding to the OP originally, thus no need for the response I got.

I love the way my dog acts, he is friendly as can be to people he knows and aggressive with people he doesn't. Thats the way I raised him, I know about socialization and how to raise a dog. I raised Jerry Lee the way I wanted to raise him... around people I'm close to, not strangers at the pet store.
 
#59 · (Edited)
This is really not what the GSD is suppose to be. Its fine that you want him like that, but if he ever bites anyone..how will you feel? The way he is could cause lots of problems down the road for you and him. If that is the way you raised him, that is your choice, but he should not be brought into the public acting this way. Why even have him around strangers then? What if he bites a little kid that comes running at him? These things do happen. I have been to GSD clubs that the dogs had to be muzzled for training, whether they were DA or HA didn't matter to me, I thought it was a dangerous situation, which I would not subject my dogs or myself too...Its just something to think about ..whether he's aggressive to strangers or not does not mean that he will protect you when it comes down to it. Have you ever taken him to training or talked to a trainer about his behavior?
 
#57 ·
if you dont want someone to respond OK then dont post.. you might like your dog to act aggressive and not let people approach, thats your own opinion, i went by the below post you made... a strong well balanced dog KNOWS the difference between friend vs danger.. the correct temperment dog does not respond the way your dog does to strangers that show no threats... you want your dog that way thats your choice, when my dogs are out in public they are trained to behave in a proper manner and not show any unnecessary aggression or act like fools to strangers.. i dont want my dogs representing their breeds in a foolish manner.. its bad enough there is BSL out there that wont allow certain breeds in certain cities/towns/states and i wont allow my dogs to add to the bad hype out there.. you want your dog to act a fool and be unpredictable to strangers thats your choice..

My dog is very unpredictable when it comes to strangers approaching him. He is a 21 month old, un-nuetered Heidelberg, and is EXTREMELY protective.

In fact, I have had to incidences while walking him where someone, a complete stranger to both of us, will approach in a friendly way with the whole "oooooooh my goooosh that is a beautiful dog.... hiii boyyyy" attitude. Jerry Lee becomes completely aggressive, snarling, growling, snapping, hair spiked, the whole nine yards. This is usually enough for the person to keep walking. I just apologize and tell them he doesn't like strangers.

At home it is a different story. Granted, when a person Jerry Lee does not know comes into the house it seems like Jerry Lee reacts based off of my attitude. For example, the only people I allow willingly into my house are obviously people I know (and i think Jerry understands this). Jerry is on guard for a bit (if he recognizes them he is friendly as can be), but after I "introduce" them via letting Jerry smell them and what not, a few minutes go by and Jerry seems to be ok. Granted, he is not by any means their best friend and reminds weary of them, but I know I don't have to worry about him attacking.

All of that being said. I am EXTREMELY happy with the way Jerry Lee acts in public and in private. I do not want anyone getting close to me I do not know, and Jerry DOES NOT allow that. Yet he warms up to people somewhat quickly in a comfortable envoirment (i.e. at home, not while on a walk/run). It also seems that this breed has a remarkable memory as Jerry seems to remember people he as met before. I researched long and hard before I purchased a dog, and the GSD's faithfulness, loyalty, proctectiveness and intelligence are second to none... that is exactly why I chose to get one.

Absolutely no regrets this far.
 
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