I'm going to lay all out on the table here..
I feel really trapped in life, in that.. The ideal setting for Zelda and I would be in an isolated area right outside of a town to walk in and so that if she barks with me gone, no one can hear her. But outside of it so that i can have her off leash and not worry about strangers so much, no cats (No neighbor cats laying on our yard not knowing my dog has full intentions of the prey game..), fenced in yard.. This ideal world, is not even near my future. I would give it maybe 20 years before i probably could afford a down payment for the cheapest real estate out there..
I also feel trapped in that i cant go out at night with friends because she will bark and i feel bad leaving her since she hates it so much still, i cant bring her with me to friends because she will attempt to eat her cats and i cant go to friends with her or they cant come here easily because of her FA and how it would take hours before i could properly introduce to a level where i feel comfortable putting my guard down a bit to enjoy myself. My social life is really not there.. Which also means missing out on events, taking extra shifts at work, vacations with family, enjoying the company of cats and my dog at the same time.
And i need to move on from here. But heres the thing.. I was going to get an apartment, but the daugher of the owners of it came back to the state and she is in it now. Its the only apartment that would in all honesty work for Zelda and I.. And well i been looking for an apartment i can afford, thats near my workplace (since the weekend i have 1 hour shifts several times a day, and it wouldn't make sense to drive 1 hour away to do a 1 hour shift..), can have a GSD/dog, and can have a dog barking in day or at night.. There is little to no appartments meeting that criteria.
I have a job (that i hope to make a career) that pays $10/hour plus half tips. So basically all the money i make a month would be going to rent with the prices around here for rent. I might be able to get an apartment or something with my sister, but it would be hard being that her dog would kill me everytime she bites Zelda because someone forgot they left a ball or stick on the ground (resource guarding),etc. And it would still have to fit my criteria, and her criteria..
So with all money im making at work and if i had an apartment that cost more than my budgeted rent money, there is no saving, no gas money, where would be the Zelda money for food, class, supplements, vet, how about the car fixing money, debt money, food, etc. College drop out, because i couldn't afford it!
I just feel like im holding her back in all her potential and she is holding me back in ways. Not that i resent her or am wanting to remove her from my life. You would have to pry her form my cold dead fingers. But, i do wish things were different circumstances/easier.. Or at the very least ideal circumstances were closer to reach..
I was hoping to hear some advice knowing my personal problems (apologize) on what they would do in my situation.
Is it bad or is it just in my head.. I'm not sure anymore!.. lol
(most recent pictures of Zelda in the summer)