My dear. Have you discussed this with your psychiatrist? Your medication may need to be changed or upped. Even though you haven't had any hallucinations in a while, you may have developed a resistance to what you're currently taking which honestly seems like the case (although I'm no expert by any means)...
We are here to support you. But there's only so much a person can do through an online forum.
Please don't hurt yourself. You are a unique and special person and the world needs people like you. You can find relief somewhere. You can become stronger.