Well it's been 4weeks as of today and I'm writing this with tears running down my face but I'm hoping writing about this will some how help me, it started on Monday evening Niko was laying outside in his house (he loved his dog house) I opened the door and asked if he was ready for supper he got up and whined and layed back down so I stepped outside(his house was right at our kit cake door) and tried to coax him out but he couldn't step out, I called my husband and he came home from work bout 40 minuits ( I sat there freezing with him the whole time) we rushed him to the vet, once in there he was able to step out of his house ( vet said because of his adrenaline blocking his pain) she diagnosed him with a pinched nerve in his back and sent us home with pain meds and antiamflamitory. He wouldn't eat supper but did eat a couple chicken necks and went and layed on his bed in the living room, as the night went on he started crying in pain and couldn't move hias back legs but we figured the meds just needed to kick in, we'll at about 12:30am we just couldn't take him crying anymore so we rushed him to the er vet (30 minuits)soon as we got there they gave him pain meds and took e-rays that showed a slipped disc in his back that was pushing on his spine ( paralyzing his back legs) to do surgery would have given him a 50/50 chance that he would recover so we made the most difficult decision to let. Him go because he was in so much pain. My husband and I didn't leave his side the whole time and I was hugging him as he left us. It's been 4 weeks and I still can't go a day without crying, I just wish I could hug and kiss his nose one more time but can't.
Wow, my heart goes out to you....it is such a difficult time to go through....the hole in your house and heart is so unbelievably tough to fill in the beginning as so many of us know. I know it is of no consolation but even today, it still saddens me so greatly the loss of my last shepherd over a year ago. When I am at the cutting board preparing food and something falls off, I sometimes think my dear girl will show up and do her Hoover Deluxe routine but no...I pick it up now, makes me so damned sad every time I do. I guess I have just come to equate my sadness for her departure as to how much I loved that furry girl..makes me so sad thinking about it now.
I will say, there is truth in easing the pain and sadness with the addition of a new puppy...been through that 3 times and it helps ever so much. However, I have come to learn there are no replacements for a particular dog that graced your life, there are just new dogs which will earn it's special place in one's heart. Some choose not to get another dog after going through what you are experiencing because they claim they simply don't ever want to go through the heartache again. I, like many, have chosen otherwise, with the solid understanding that I will be brought to my knees when they pass on but it intensifies the time while they are with me.....nothing is taken for granted....nothing.
You did a very honorable thing in making the decision to let Niko go.....it really sucks playing a god of sorts and making the choice to liberate them from their pain and suffering but it comes with stewardship of having a dog.
Yes, one more hug or kiss is all I wanted as well but my past furry best friends have left me with something so much more valuable in my life and that is simply how incredibly selfless and serving our dogs can be...perhaps that's what gets to me so much....I asked for everything from my dogs and they gave me everything and more...and all they wanted was so meager in return. Let your sadness be testimony to how much you loved Niko and I'm certain if Niko could reach out to you right now, he would not want you to be so darned sad, he'd want you to smile and remember him for all the smiles and joy he brought to your doorstep.
Take care and I hope soon enough the floodgates in your heart open wide and allow all the pleasant memories Niko brought you and temper the sadness you feel today.