On Jan 2 2014 I found out my son, James Robert Adams, died. He was only 22 y.o. I thought my life was hard enough, dealing with depression and other health issues, but I found out that that is nothing when your kid dies. I keep asking WHY? My ex is being spiteful and nasty. Oh I know he is hurting but so am I. I keep thinking it isn't real. That it is a bad nightmare and I will wake up. It has to be a mistake. Then I remember the officer coming to the door. I just keep thinking that I will hear James voice or see a post by him on facebook or something. I keep thinking please don't let this be real. People keep asking me what they can do. People say they are keeping me in their prayers. I am trying not to be hateful and say God didn't keep James safe. I am trying to understand what I did so wrong that I am being punished this way. He was so young. He had his whole life ahead of him. I am trying to remember that there is a reason to go on. I can't forget that I was just wondering how his life was going to be in 5, 10 years. I was hoping for a girlfriend for him. A good job. It can't be real. It just can't.
I am just sitting here not knowing what to do. I missed the medical examiners call so I have to wait till monday to find out why he died. I don't even have the money to bury him. I can't get in touch with his dad so I don't know what he has planned. James and I talked about that I wanted to be cremated and he said he wanted that to. I don't know if he really meant it or he was just agreeing with me. Craig's (his father) mother won't give me Craigs phone number so I can't even call him.
I am sorry for going on and on. I am just shocked and hurting beyond what I thought was possible. I am trying not to let anyone who knew him fall through the cracks. Everyone who meet him loved him. At this point I don't even know if there will be a funeral. I will try and keep everyone posted. If you need to get hold of me my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
I know some of you knew James and loved him and I am sorry not to contact you each indivudually. I am just not thinking straight right now and am trying to cover all of our friends. If there is a funeral (and if I am invited) I will post it here so those of you who want to come can. If there isn't I plan on having a get to geather to memorize him and all he meant to all of us. Thank you for all your support.