German Shepherds Forum banner

We don't have long

19K views 199 replies 82 participants last post by  Tristan and Loki 
#1 ·
I have been putting off writing this. Every time I go to start my hands start shaking and I start to cry.

It seems every time we start to make progress with Kaos' pain management, we just as quickly start to go backwards. Last night the vet switched his routine and we are giving it 2 weeks to test it out.
I am not hopeful as in my heart I truly believe we can not make him comfortable enough for me to feel good about.

He has been showing increased discomfort in all of his daily activities, even with his extensive med intake. He is also starting to get defensive when he thinks you are too close to his back end, this is showing me he is not even close to being comfortable. In the last 2 weeks my husband has had to help him stand up 4x. This is something I can not do on a daily basis since I did it two weeks ago and reaggravated my 2 herniated discs. Having reinjured myself I was given a pretty good wake up call to what it's like to have chronic pain, and this is also playing into our decision. I have always said the minute we can not control his pain, we have to let him go. We have decided to give the new scheduling 2 weeks and if it is not helping immensely we will be picking a date to let Kaos be at peace.

Logically I am 100% sure this is the right thing to do for him.....but it's killing me. He still wants to play, eat, drink, love.....but his body is not capable.
Also since he is getting more defensive, I do not want him to snap at someone "too close" and to have that be how he is remembered, does that make sense?

I have a couple questions for all of you who have been through this.
How did you prepare yourself mentally? Are there special things you did?, wish you had done after the fact?
Also with another dog in the house....Sherman is 11 months old and has never known a life here w/out Kaos. Did you start seperating them more beforehand, ie right now they have times of the day they go outside together, do you limit those, so your other dog gets used to being alone? In the house we already do crate/rotate due to our vet recommendation a couple months ago....but is there more we should be doing?

My kids have also never known a house without Kaos, so we have been preparing for this for awhile. We have discussed sometimes it is the best thing you can do for them, how it is the most loving thing. Both of them have friends who've had to do the same in the last couple months so we used those opportunities to discuss that while it was hard, it was very kind.

Sorry if this is rambled, I have been a wreck the last couple of days, and I am sure that isn't going to change anytime soon.

Thank you in advance for any input you can offer.
 
See less See more
#3 ·
Oh, I'm so, so, sorry that you are going through this.
I really am awkward about this so forgive me. I am kind of of the thought that if Kaos can't get up on his own or the desire to love and play is still there but the pain is too great that he may be frustrated. That's the heartbreaker part.
If he also can't get up to eliminate without excruciating agony it may be time to say goodbye.

Once again I'm sorry. And, I did not mean to sound blunt. Your post is touching and sad I and I really feel for you.
 
#4 ·
I am going through this myself right now. Falko has cancer and it is spreading, we have run out of options. I have no words of wisdom to share. I make sure I hug him everyday. I cry every day.

As for my 10 month pup, he will have all my time and attention when I let Falko go. When he gets around two, I most likely will get another. Until then, we will grieve together and comfort each other.
 
#5 ·
Candice.....I'm sorry. I have no doubt you will not let Kaos suffer one second too long. I don't have any advice about Sherman, but the fact that your kids are aware will help them be a little more prepared. I suspect there wil be much grief; I respected, acknowledged and shared in my children's when we lost our dog last spring. I emphasized how good it was for them to honor that love. I believe it helped them heal. We chose to all be with him to stroke and love him; your situation may be different but have faith in the strength of your children. They've had a great role model. :)

My thoughts are with you-- But take comfort in the lessons of love and devotion that Kaos has taught them, in a way unmatched by humans.
 
#7 ·
I know how hard this is having gone through it with previous dogs.
You have my sympathy/empathy.
You are preparing the right way, giving him every chance to have a tolerable life. But that time comes when you know that you have to spare him any more discomfort. It is never easy and we always (at least I do) feel guilty about not coming up with a miracle to make things better.
Keep in mind what a great friend he was and all the good times you had.
 
#8 ·
I'm so sorry you and your family have to go thru this. No matter what I do trying to prepare it never seems enough.
As grusome as some may think it is, I do allow my other animals to say good bye very breifly when I come home, they know. For your children, they may find comfort in the Rainbow Bridge The Rainbow Bridge Poem - Petloss.com
Be strong, thats really all you can try to do.
 
#9 ·
I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I just had to do this last August. TJ also was still full of life, happy, eating, loving, but his back end just wasn't able to keep up. I had him on a lot of pain medications and probably kept him a little longer than I should have. After the third time he fell down the stairs and he looked at me with that LOOK I knew what I had to do. I did not seperate him from the others. Kya had only known the last 11 years with him and they were best friends.

The morning of I made him a huge breakfast! Bacon, eggs, toast with butter. Anything he wanted. We had some play time, went out and had our last walk as a family, laid on the floor and loved as much as we could. I was lucky enough to have the vet come to my house as I wanted Kya to be with him, I didn't want him to just leave and never come back. She laid by his side the entire time.

There is no easy way to do it. There is no right thing to say. There is never a good time. We just have to think of their quality of life, and that you are doing the best thing for Kaos. It may not be the best for you and your family, but it may be for him.

I again am so sorry you are going thru this. It is all to familiar to me. I'm crying as I type this because I know how painful it can be. And if you ever need to talk, you may not know me but feel free to pm me. Cyber hugs to you and your family, human and canine.
 
#10 ·
It's a really hard decision, and it's going to be awful, and you'll be sad and you'll miss him, but I don't think there's anything you can do to prepare yourself for it, you just get through it because you have to.

All you can really do is be sure that it's the right time (he will probably let you know, so watch for signs that he's ready to give up, if he hasn't already) so you don't second guess yourself later, and also make sure that you're not prolonging his suffering because you're just not ready to let him go yet. It's a difficult balance.

If Sherman is very close to him you will probably see signs of him grieving and missing his buddy just like you will. I'm not sure how you could minimize that, just try and be there for him and give him lots of love and attention.

Keefer was not himself for a couple of months after Dena died, it was very clear that he missed her, and missed having doggy companionship. She was his half sister, about a year older, so he grew up with her from 9 weeks old and they were very bonded to each other. It took some time, but he got better.
 
#12 ·
It's so hard to do. I had about a week to decide about our last gsd Omy, when she started having seizures and probably strokes when she was almost 11 yrs old. Like you, I knew it was the right thing to do but I kept searching her face and eyes and body for signs of improvement that I really knew wouldn't come. I made more than one appt and cancelled. I pretty much cried all the time. Afterwards I doubted my decision and felt guilty. Thankfully our dogs are spared those emotions and can trust us with their very lives, which ultimately mean we have to make the decision to spare them any more pain or sickness. I'm sorry you have to go through this
 
#14 ·
Thank you everyone for your kind words.....even though everyone's posts left me drenched in tears, I truly appreciate it.

I thought once we made the decision to set a date I would feel better, not constantly wondering....but it hasn't worked that way.

I find myself going through such emotions, I go back and forth to wanting to do more with Sherman one on one to distract from the pain, to resenting Sherman for wanting my attention. Is that bad? I feel bad admitting it.

I know in my heart it's right for Kaos, and well if I waited until it was right for us, that day would never come.

I am also going back and forth to dreading the first few weeks of waking up w/out him to a feeling of relief knowing he will not be suffering and struggling to keep up.

Sorry for all the rambling, Thank You all so much for your support
 
#17 ·
I find myself going through such emotions, I go back and forth to wanting to do more with Sherman one on one to distract from the pain, to resenting Sherman for wanting my attention. Is that bad? I feel bad admitting it.
Don't feel bad about wanting to spend time alone with Sherman. Caretakers need a little distraction themselves sometimes.

As far as resenting him wanting your attention, he doesn't understand what is going on. But it is okayfor you to want some peaceful time with your thoughts to prepare for the inevitable.
 
#15 ·
Candice I am so sorry. I know from your posts the love you have for Kaos.I look at our Daisy w/ her ever widening stance,her staring at the wall and then suddenly she's ok again. You have tried so hard to keep Kaos comfortable and have went to great lenghts medically to ease his pain. I have no doubt that you will put Kaos first no matter how much it hurts.My thoughts and prayers are w/ you . Your talking about how you dont want him remembered for a possible negative moment rang home w/ me. I hope that you can find comfort in this time.
 
#16 ·
When Linus left us at 15, we had kept him alive too long based on my youngest daughter who learned to walk by holding onto him, and a veterinarian who just would not let any dog go.

I have not regretted helping other dogs go when it was time but have always regretted not letting him go-I knew it was time. He passed away on our back deck, all alone, one day while I was doing something else.

It is so terribly hard when you know they are suffering but the twinkle is still in their eyes.

I don't think you can ever prepare for it. You just take care of the logistical stuff up front so it is not a distraction. My other dogs have never seemed all that upset or impacted by the change other than looking for their buddy for a few days. And then, give your kids some lattitude to manage their grief however they can as it is not always so obvious with kids......sometimes they do all kinds of things to maks their feelings.

<hugs>
 
#18 ·
hi candice,

you don't know me, i'm just a junior member. but i've just recently been thru this w/one of our long time pack members.

it took me about 2mos to make the final decision. probably it was too long a wait, but i just couldn't do it sooner. finally the day came it was just a day like any other. but i looked at Teddy sleeping and thought, that's it. it's just too much pain for too long, and it has to end today while the pain is back a bit, on a good day. so Teddy's last day was calm and sunny and happy and i can remember him that way, and he can leave this world that way too.

we had talked about it extensively between the family members. i didn't separate the other dogs, they all checked on him continuously, mouthing him, sniffing him, laying by him in his sleep, following him in the yard (he was deaf/blind), checking his crate in the mornings and at 3am when it was everyone else's time to go out they checked Teddy's snoring w/me. i didn't stop them or cut back their time. he was still a pack member, just the elder citizen. they knew it.

when i brought his body back from the vet wrapped in his crate blanket i didn't keep them away either. i took the whole pack out to the cemetery in the back yard where i have our other previous members buried. i had prepared his place before we left earlier. i laid his body beside his place. i finished deepening the bed, lined it with green leaves and flowers. while he laid there they all nuzzled the blanket, they opened it, they sniffed him, moved his body around, walked around him, tried to make him get up, after about half an hour they all just walked away. the only one that didn't was Grover, the little mixed breed i have that was very close to Teddy (the one that was put down). he lay down next to Teddy and rested his muzzle on his neck. i waited another 15mins or so but Grover didn't move. i had to take Teddy's body away from him and bury him. i put stones over Teddy's place and a cover over that. Grover lay down next to the cover. 20mins later i had to go out and carry Grover in the house.

it's now been just over 2wks and Grover is just beginning to recover. he's been grieving all this time w/depression and tearing up his skin and hair. yesterday he started eating normally again. everyone else recovered just fine w/in about 2days. but they did grieve, in a shorter time, and not as drastically as Grover.

i think you'll know, in your heart exactly the right day and time. you'll feel it. it'll just hit you at an odd moment and you'll suddenly feel at peace with the decision and the tears will feel relieving instead of painful. your pup may not grieve as heavily as my dogs did, mine are all adults and spent years and years w/Teddy. but he might miss him and wander around corners wondering where his buddy is, and look to you for guidance. be at peace about that. be at peace that there is the bridge and we once again will meet where there is no pain or tears.

dw :peace:
 
#19 ·
Thank you everyone. All of your personal stories have really touched me and made me more secure in knowing it is the right choice.

I, however, had never thought about "afterwards". Living in the city, we can't really bring him home to bury. I hadn't even thought of all of that. I need to make a list now of things to have taken care of with the vet so that I have everything covered.

Something one of you said really hit home with me and almost made me feel calmer. Not sure who said it now, and don't have it in me to re-read, but it was the part about looking into his eyes and hoping to see some sign of relief, while knowing in my heart it wouldn't be there. All too familiar.

Thank you all so much
 
#20 ·
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had to make this decision last Nov for Tessa. i originally wanted to wait until after the holidays but after a long talk with a friend in the rescue, she made me realize that I was doing that for me and not Tessa and it was best not to. Once I got Tessa to the vet for the final appointment, the vet made me realize that I was right not to wait. The old girl had been in much more pain then I had known.

Once i made my decision, I made the appointment for a Monday. I spent the entire last weekend spoiling her. She went for lots of long car rides (her favorite thing), I bought a 10lb roll of hamburger and gave her hamburger every night for dinner the entire weekend. I spent as much time with her just loving on her. Like you Kaos, she was still eating, drinking, and happy. But she was unable to go up and down the stairs without stopping multiple times, she could no longer get in and out of the car with out a large amount of assistance, and she had fallen a couple of times. The final straw was that she was no longer able to lay in one spot for more than 30 minutes or so. She was constantly having to get up to change position so she wasn't sleeping well. When I told her vet this, she told me that Tessa was in a lot more pain than I knew.

I had her cremated so I did not bring her home right away. Dharma looked everywhere for her that night. But with in a couple of days Dharma was okay. I did feel a lot of guilt and just sadness. I cried a lot.

I wish you the best during this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.
 
#21 ·
I am sorry you are going thru this. Went thru it last July with our GSD mix, Rock. He was 13 and 137 lbs with a huge fat tumor on his side. His legs were always giving out. He spent 95% of his time lying down. He still talked to us and tried to play and always knew when there was food closeby. But his quality of life was no longer there, only able to take a few steps at a time then had to lay down. It was not easy and not fair to him. Know you are doing the right thing and also know there is a lot of pain and tears ahead. But when you meet again, he will run to you giving you kisses and thanking you for letting him go. Please hang in there.
 
#22 ·
It's been a bit over two months since I had Felony, the pit bull, put to sleep. Even with all that has happened since (Husband's cardiac arrest and month long hospitalization) I still miss her every day. I think that I've cried a bit every day as well. The biggest comfort that I have is how happy her final minutes were. She wagged and greeted the vet, she jumped up on the couch and savored her bully stick and passed without even a flinch. Someone told me "Better a week too soon than a moment too late." I know that things would just get more painful and I promised her, "No more bad days" after her terrible reaction to chemo.

Havoc did not seem terribly upset by any of the dogs' passings. He's a pretty self involved pup. He is very dog reactive and especially interested in pits now. I don't think that he really mourned. Felony would play with him and cuddle with him occasionally and he loved her like a crazed stalker when she was alive. When she died, he tried to take her bully stick. We had it cremated with her.
 
#23 ·
Thank you again everyone. I have sat and thought (and cried) a lot this morning. I just called my husband and told him "I don't want to give the meds 2 weeks and then make a decision because we just keep doing this." I know in my heart and with my medical background, not enough was changed in his meds that could make a noticable difference. I think when I looked in his eyes after he fell on the stairs this morning, I just knew. I also know his pain is too advanced to completely control. I told him to look at dates in March when he would be available to go with me and stay off work for a couple of days. The boys will also be on Spring Break, so I think that may help them have some time off.

I didn't know what he'd say since he has not really said much through all of this, but he said "I love you and you are making the right decision" Bless him, he's known for awhile and didn't want to tell me what to do.
 
#27 ·
Candice thanks for sharing your journey today thru this most difficult decision. I held off on tears until your last post where you decided not to try 2 more weeks of meds. Nobody knows better than you & as difficult as that decision is, it's the right one. Your username has always been one of favorites. mysweetkaos Take care
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top