Was there ever something in your life that you LOVED but now feel slightly ambivalent about?
For me it is Flying and Travel, and yea, even Dogs.
I was feeling seriously melancholy last night and woke up to it this morning. It comes down to having lost my sense of "something" when I travel and am around dogs.
I remember the first time I went up in the air. I was about 5 and a family friend took me up in his plane and let me do a little flying..... LOL I was enthralled. Then remember the first time I took a commercial flight, how wonderful it was just going to the airport, checking in, going thru (what today would be a joke) security. Waiting for the plane, feeling so incredible when the FA, then called stewardesses (who were also under 30 years old and normally beautiful) came around with a meal and drink for us. I would talk to the people around me, "where are you going?" and tell them where I was going, etc etc etc, no doubt annoying my seatmates.....
I was GOING somewhere exciting and fun!! Almost all the time I was traveling alone, meeting someone at the destination and it was the thrill the anticipation of seeing them. Of seeing a new place or country, something so new and very different from home. I can still remember the feeling of ???? remember it so well I can almost taste it.
I was normally flying coach and couldn't care less. Mostly because the planes were half empty and you could put your bags away in the overhead bins with no problem and stretch out and be comfortable. I think traveling was one of the most wonderful things in my life, everything about it was incredible and exciting.
Now, I feel no more than a tug of anticipation. I feel Melancholy when I get on the plane (now normally in First instead of the back of the plane due to status and upgrades) and I KNOW I have lost something, and I don't know what it is but I know that having lost that wonderful feeling for something so important to me and is a great loss indeed.
The second thing is dogs. I used to have a love for dogs, I saw a dog I HAD to get my hands on them, pet them, love them. Now, I find myself very ambivalent about them. I think it came to living with a person who bred and trailed and being around others who competed competitively. I came to almost hate being around dogs during those times. I saw such abuse of dogs around me at times that I had to close off my heart to my feelings of love for them to protect myself. I think I will forever regret that. I still can't quite seem to re-capture that feeling of love of dogs. That too is an incredible loss that is almost indescribable.
Yea, I am feeling seriously melancholy today.....
