Wow! You have really thought this out, maybe even over-thought it, but I can totally relate to that LOL. First of all, let your wife know that any dog will be protective of its family if need be. Of course a large dog is going to be more of a deterrent than a small one, though.
Secondly, German shepherds shed A LOT. Some individual dogs shed more than others and you can keep it reasonable by brushing at least a couple times a week, but we refer to them as German shedders and there is a reason for that.
Lastly, the leadership issue...in my opinion, you and your wife need to be ready to provide leadership beforehand. Your children will eventually learn it by watching you and you will teach them to be leaders to the dog. The dog will not teach the children (or if it does, you will have big problems). This goes for any breed, but maybe more especially for the German shepherd.
German shepherds can be a wonderful, loyal friend and vital part of the family. Good luck on your decision.
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